Need advice about my aging grandmother

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in ICU.

I'm not sure what thread to put this in, but here goes. (sorry its so long)

My grandmother is 82 years old, she lives by herself, near my parents. And up until this year, she was mowing her lawn and taking care of herself just fine. She is a very clean and neat person with a very clean and nice home.

Now, in September after hurricane Ike, she stayed with my parents for a week or two because the power was out and my parents have a HUGE generator. It was like there was no power outage at all at their house!! It was great, and I was there too. I started noticing how different she was acting. Most of the time, she sat in the corner of the livingroom with a flat affect look . She was 'lost'. And when I asked her something, I had to repeat it several times for her before she understood what I was asking. This went on everyday.

Also, my mother mentioned that she hadn't had a shower since she was there. I tried to get her to take one, she said she would, I even showed her how the handle worked in the bathtub. We also have a shower chair in there. Well... she came out of the bathroom a few minutes later saying she took a shower,, etc. And then I went in there and the tub was completely dry, no dirty towels. She did not bathe.

Anyway, come to find out, she never took a bath the whole time. My mother mentioned to her doctor all of these and told him that she is getting forgetful. All the doctor did was turn to my grandmother and ask her "are you forgetful?" and grandmother said "no." and that was the end of it. I have to add here that Home health is seeing her a few times a week and will wash and roll her hair for her. But that is all.. she refuses a shower then too.

Well, Grandmother went in the hospital for vomiting and stayed a week. My cousin stayed with her a week and she did not shower the whole time she was in the hospital. She made excuses each time the nurse came in to ask her.

Now,,,,,,, my cousin is staying with her. The other night she told grandmother that she needs a bath, she is starting to smell bad. Anyway, this prim and proper grandmother of mine starts yelling at the top of her lungs that she won't take a shower and if you don't like it you can go home!

I just don't know what to do about all of this. I don't know what to tell my mom. Some time my grandmother can seem perfect. But then when she's not, its BAD! So, I guess my question is,,, at what point do we determine that she needs someone to take care of her? At what point can she no longer make her own decisions? I mean, if she's refusing to take a bath, for months, then is she able to make her own decisions?????? Need a little help here,,, thanks everyone :)

Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Per TOS, we can't give medical or legal advice on this forum. I'm so sorry for your situation, but this is something best discussed with your GM's physician, or perhaps another physician if her PMD does not seem to be taking the situation as seriously as you'd like.

Best of luck to you.

Take your grandmother to a different doctor that handles older people more often. She might be able to get on some different meds to help her.

Take your grandmother to a different doctor that handles older people more often. She might be able to get on some different meds to help her.

I would agree, it sounds like her doctor is not very helpful.

Specializes in ICU.

Wasn't asking for a medical diagnosis or medical advice.. I just don't know what to tell my mom, how she should deal with this.

Ahh, you know,,, maybe I will tell mom to take her to a neurologist.

Find someone who specializes in geriatrics.

My father is close to her age and is showing the earling signs of dementia. I wish you luck with this.

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

A gerontologist is a physician with specialized training in taking care of elders. They would be the best specialist but agree that if your Grandmother sees a neurologist and is already and established patient, that's the direction to go. Good luck.

Specializes in ICU/ER.

Went through exact same showering scenerio with Husbands Grandma ---in fact it was when they evactuated for Katrina--funny how similiar this all sounds...

I could go in depth about how early onset ahlz etc etc etc and they want to still have some control (not showering is thier way of making a statement or having control over thier situation) the blank stare etc etc etc.

I agree take to another Dr, look into an assisted living ctr--as that is coming. and tap into some sort of support group---my husbands sweet grandma became very nasty/yelling/swatting/even rude to the little grandkids...

Oh and I was known to "accidently" opps clutzy me--spill strawberry boost all down her shirt a few times just to get her to change as she would insist on wearing the same clothes every day!!!

Oh and I was known to "accidently" opps clutzy me--spill strawberry boost all down her shirt a few times just to get her to change as she would insist on wearing the same clothes every day!!!

:D

Good thinking! I'll put that into my Alzheimer's orificenal.

My husband and I are having similar problems with his father, no hurricanes here in California, we just can't get him to take a shower. It goes that way for over a month at a time. I think its a combination of depression and weak legs. He seems to be afraid of trying to get from his mobile chair into the shower chair.

I have seen ads for walk-in tubs and considered that that may be an alternative. Has anyone tried this? They are expensive, at least for us, and I don't want to invest the money if he doesn't use it.:no:

not showering is thier way of making a statement or having control over thier situation

Actually it has been hypothesized Alzheimer patients are fearful of water to some extent. http://www.jstor.org/pss/3426747 though other variety of reasons can also contribute to the almost universal symptom of AD patients not wanting to bath.

I have seen ads for walk-in tubs and considered that that may be an alternative. Has anyone tried this?

I tried a number of things... going down the list and bathing time was always hard no matter what. Even the word bath got conflict after awhile. For the past four years I have give just "a little wash up" while she sits on the toilet in the morning with NO conflict at all, and she stays clean and happy. I would say every AD patient will be unique however in what works, but until you know for sure, I wouldn't spend a lot of money on something that may not work.

i wonder how she would respond if her dtr or someone else close to her, discussed their concerns with grandma before discussing with anyone else?

maybe there's a perfectly valid reason/fear why she's avoiding hygiene?

it sounds a tad early to suspect dementia, imo...

leslie

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