My kids are sending me to the psyc. ward - page 4

THEY ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! (sorry.. having one of those days) maybe because my hubby is gone (week #1 out of 5 mos). maybe because they are only 2 and 5 yrs old. maybe because Im too... Read More

  1. by   susanmary
    Originally posted by passing thru
    I will play the "devil's advocate" here and put myself in the place of the adults who endured the shenanigans.
    My opinion is, if your kids are too young or too __________, to behave in restaurants, order your food to go/ or JUST LEAVE !
    If your kids screech, cry, yell, ...leave ! Have some respect for the diners who were looking forward to a nice salad and pizza dinner...after a hard day at work. Maybe they splurged their "eating out " money for the whole month on this one pizza meal, and what do they get??

    It's my pet peeve...parents looking frustrated and embarrassed and helpless while their kids scream and cry, run all over the place, and ruin the other peoples dining experience. Simply pick them up and go home ! As one mom said to me, ""But, I hate to have to take the pizza home; they make such a mess, and THEN I'LL HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP !!""

    For the 4 year old who screeches eardrum-rupturing decibels in the grocery store or mall...................it isn't cute.
    And it's curable. One good smack across the cheek cures
    that little attention grabber.

    I know. I raised four and did not tolerate screeching in public places. Your four year old is pulling that act at home too. Re: the mall....a 4 year old can remember what she did and can be punished later at home. It's not that difficult to put a scrreeching halt to it....if you want to.

    It relative. My neighbor has one eight year old, 2 six year olds, 2 four year olds, and 2 two year olds. Yep, one single birth and 3 consecutive sets of twins. Her husband died of a malignant brain tumor about 6 months ago. No screeching or acting out in public with this bunch, no attention-grabbing behaviors.
    I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY. I AGREE WITH YOUR POINT NOT TO TAKE CHILDREN TO PLACES WHEN THEY ARE TIRED, ETC., AND PLEASE REMOVE THEM WHEN THEY CONTINUE TO SCREAM, RUN AROUND, ETC. THEY REALLY CAN GET HURT IN A RESTAURANT -- AND I'M STILL CONCERNED ABOUT THE RUNNING AWAY. IT ALSO IS ANNOYING TO OTHERS. BY BEING CALM/FIRM WITH CHILDREN, THEY EVENTUALLY WILL UNDERSTAND. I DON'T AGREE WITH A "GOOD SMACK ACROSS THE CHEEK" -- I DO AGREE WITH REMOVING THE CHILD FROM THE SITUATION. THE GOAL IS TO ACT IN A CALM MANNER ... NOT TO TRY TO CONTROL A CHILD WHO IS ACTING OUT WITH SLAPPING HIM/HER.

    I remember when my oldest was around 4 & we were in line at the grocery store. I told him that he could not have a candy bar when we were at the check out line. Turned around just to see my son BITE THROUGH a York Peppermint Patty -- with the cover still on it. I'll never forget the smirk on his face when he said "now you will have to buy it." So ... I calmly took the candy from his hand & paid the cashier. He thought he had won. I knew this behavior was something I had to nip in the bud so ... as we were leaving, I calmly threw the candy into the garbage bin -- he was astounded ... the tears started to flow. Without a long explanation or mincing words I told him that his behavior was "disappropriate" (that's what my kids would say) and that he was never to act like that again ... or it would be a very long time until I bought him another treat. I think he mumbled something like I was the Saddam Hussein of mothers under his breath (the Gulf War was going on.) Then I was the one smurking. He's now an Eagle Scout, and doing great in college.
    Thank God.
  2. by   passing thru
    I stick to my solution. Maybe you have never heard a heart-stopping, eardrum-piercing screech from a 2-3 year old.
    If I heard it once, I would imprint on my kids' memory that THAT
    would never be tolerated again...ever.
    If I heard it again, a well placed one time smack would cure the problem in my household. And I would not hesitate to do it.
    And the kids know I would not hesitate. I respect them & their feelings, they know we expect the same from them. Yes, 2 year olds, "you cannot scream at mommy, you cannot hit mommy, etc."
    They know and understand basic limits.

    And for those who don't care a ratz -azz about what other
    people think of your kids screechin, screaming, running around
    all over the restaurant, knocking everything over at the grocery store, interrupting every adult conversation, whining and fretting,.......... you will care later on....when they adopt your attitude towards other people, their rights and property.
  3. by   Diana in Sweden
    Originally posted by passing thru
    [B I would imprint on my kids' memory that THAT
    would never be tolerated again...ever.
    If I heard it again, a well placed one time smack would cure the problem in my household. And I would not hesitate to do it. [/B]
    boy I am glad I was raised non violent and have chosen to raise my two the same way .. they are 6 and 9.. never had to hit them ..
    there are other ways... and I don't mean locking them up or shunning them either.. I talk to them and I yell at them sometimes and I absolutely believe in removing them when they disturb others pleasures.
    My children are not always easy to deal with but they always deserve my respect, if they are not allowed to hit me why should I be allowed to hit them.
  4. by   Mint Julip
    My husband was raised with a very abusive father who took every opportunity available to crack him upside the head, punch him, slap him or throw him down. He said it felt like he was constantly walking on eggshells never knowing when or why the next blow was coming. It took him many, many painful years to forgive his father and to let him back into his life. So no we don't tolerate violence in any shape or form in our home. We want our kids to respect us, not fear us. If I come across as having a poor attitude then so be it. I won't apologize for believing that violence towards children in any capacity is wrong.
  5. by   phn92
    Been there, done that!! My first two were 18 months apart. There were times, I felt like I was going crazy. Everyone is right, it does get better.

    The one piece of advice I would give is to teach your kids that "No means No!" When they are behaving badly, don't threaten them, then not follow up on the threat. The two year old may not get it at first, but I bet the five year old will! It takes time and a lot of patience! Good Luck!!
  6. by   Cynthiann
    I really feel for you. I have a 2 and a 3 year old. My husband now refuses to go anywhere with the anymore because they constantly act up. When they are driving me crazy, the first thing on my mind is if I will make it through nursing school (I'm waiting on my acceptance letter). Some days it seems like every time I turn around they are into something else or made a new mess.

    Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. By the way, were in Oklahoma are you?
  7. by   Sammysue
    Originally posted by passing thru
    I stick to my solution. Maybe you have never heard a heart-stopping, eardrum-piercing screech from a 2-3 year old.
    If I heard it once, I would imprint on my kids' memory that THAT
    would never be tolerated again...ever.
    If I heard it again, a well placed one time smack would cure the problem in my household. And I would not hesitate to do it.
    And the kids know I would not hesitate. I respect them & their feelings, they know we expect the same from them. Yes, 2 year olds, "you cannot scream at mommy, you cannot hit mommy, etc."
    They know and understand basic limits.

    And for those who don't care a ratz -azz about what other
    people think of your kids screechin, screaming, running around
    all over the restaurant, knocking everything over at the grocery store, interrupting every adult conversation, whining and fretting,.......... you will care later on....when they adopt your attitude towards other people, their rights and property.
    I cant beleive that anyone would think its ok to slap a child across the face. I am raising my two little girls alone, and i take them to Macdonalds or some place like that when we go out to eat. Its cheaper and easier on the kids. I agree that you need to be firm and take them out of the restaurant or store, but I would never ever slap one of my kids.
  8. by   Diana in Sweden
    it is so good to hear that most do not agree with slapping children
    how in the world you can teach children not to hit by hitting them is beyond me ...
    and yes my kids drove me bats sometime :-)
  9. by   Hardknox
    Originally posted by stevielynn
    I remember walking in a mall when I was preggers with my first child, when I accidently bumped into a two year old girl, knocking her to the ground. It was my fault and I apologized while putting my hand out to help her up. Her mother proceeded to slap her across the face, yelling at her and blaming her for getting in MY way. I was appalled. I decided then and there that slapping across the face was completely disrespectful (and a place prone to injury anyway). Now, I'm not against a swat on the tush for a child who is saying, in effect, "up yours mom - I ain't gonna do it!!". But slapping is wrong.

    I agree with the advice of other posters . . consider the age and abilities of your children. Avoid situations where you know they will get tired and act up. Get take out food and go to a park and let your kids run and play. You are essentially a single parent for awhile . . don't put yourself in situations where you know you will be stressed. And don't listen to the "my kids were perfect angels" parents . . . . they are just gonna produce guilt which will make your life more stressful. Can you enlist some help from your church or synagogue members? Or family?

    Be firm, consistent and don't let your kids disrespect you. If you fall apart, your kids will know they can run right over you. They actually want rules . . . . there was a study done in the 1970's . . . a school took down a fence that surrounded a playground at an elementary school. Before the fence was down, the kids would play all over the playground right up to the fence line. Afterwards, the kids huddled in the middle not feeling safe enough to venture out. Like when we drive . . if that little yellow or white line is gone from the middle of the road, we feel unsafe. Even though it is just a line not a real wall between the oncoming traffic.

    Best wishes
    Good post, Stevielynn!

    One of our Pedi's had a talk he gave at CBE classes entitiled "No is a Love word". He felt people were not firm and CONSISTANT with their children. I've seen many parents constantly threaten and cajole their children in public restaurants and never follow through. Kids really need firm limits and feel more secure knowing someone is in charge. Plus, you do a child no favor if you allow obnoxious behavior. The child continues to act out, no one wants to be around him/her. And if you can't reign in a toddler's behavior can you imagine what an out of control child behaves like as a teenager?

    Childrearing-the hardest job you'll ever have. Makes nursing look like a piece of cake.

  10. by   susanmary
    Nurse-in-boots -- you really started a thought-provoking and excellent post -- I've read every post. There is no doubt in my mind that you are an excellent mom -- just a bit overwhelmed with being in nursing school, husband is away for an extended amount of time, and raising two very young children. I would absolutely be overwhelmed -- so don't think that you aren't getting support and kudos from me! I applaud you.

    It's easy to forget how challenging it is to raise very young kids. There are many different ways to bring up children -- and many different views. We come from different backgrounds, experiences -- but I do believe that unconditional love and consistency (as much as possible) are so important. We all differ regarding how we discipline -- and I really hope this thread becomes more of support than a debate.

    Truly, this has been such a wonderful thread. Sue
  11. by   yannadey
    As you can see nurse-in-boots you are not alone. The first time my boys 5yr & 2yrs did that to me in public was the last time I calmly took both by the hand asked for the meal to be doggie bagged & took them home when my 5yr old was 12(he's now 15) asked why his dad & I never take him & his brother with us when we eat out I refreshed his memory. But I did not deprive them of the eating out experience oh no I let brave relatives(grandmothers, aunts) & friends take them to all the kids friendly places. Now that they are older it is a pleasure to dine with them although they tend to order the same thing either cheeseburgers & fries or pizza.
  12. by   J-RN student
    Originally posted by passing thru
    I would imprint on my kids' memory that THAT
    would never be tolerated again...ever.
    If I heard it again, a well placed one time smack would cure the problem in my household. And I would not hesitate to do it.

  13. by   Snakum
    In all fairness, I didn't read that she smacked them in the face, only that she smacked them (The butt maybe)?. I always swore I'd never spank my kids but after I tried it and saw how effective it could be when applied APPROPRIATELY and with due compassion ... I was hooked.

    In the face? Never. But a well-timed smack on the behind works wonders.



    Rev. Thich Minh Thong

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