Marriage to a Nurse-- Need HELP - page 8

Hi everyone. I am nto a nurse, however I am in a serious relationship with a Student Nurse. We have been talking marriage for some time now but she needs to graduate school. She will be done with... Read More

  1. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    BTW.... I am really going to piss you people off now... I work at New York Presb Hospital.... However, i tried to talk to the staff and noone ever had time for me... even for a lunch to discuss this stuff... they recomended this site... If only they knew!!
    anyway... my girl wouldn't feel confotrable with that stuff.. she told me she made a huge mistake before she started schooling... The school had a night session for the S/O of the nursing students... they were their to talk to you to tell you life was going to get hard and so on so forth... there was also a q/a afterwards for any concerns.... She kicks herself everyday because she thought I could have used it..
    You want to explain this? You work at a hospital after telling us you didn't...so it was a complete lie? How much of everything else you've said is a lie? I'm really confused here!
  2. by   NeedAdvice1234
    OK moondancer lets revisite your comments here---
    You state, "You, not you and your fiancee, but you, need to seek some professional counselling. It is clear you have issues, issues with women, issues with trust, issues with relationships."

    How is this clear..please provide examples if you are going to make this acusations.Do you honestly think if I had such issues I would be here trying to squash my fears or would I have broken off a long time ago? Your judging me based on one post of fear for something I don't know about.


    You state-
    You haven't read half the postings offerred to you. All you've done is picked up on a few "funny"/sarcastic comments.
    This couldn't be more of a false statement.. If you actually read everything I wrote I explined there were postings that indeed Help me.. People sent me facts to my mail box theat sheaded alot of light...However, If i get attacked because of something that is importnat to me...I'm not going to remian quiet and become the punching bag of the group...I expect you wouldn't either

    You state-
    It sounds like you want reassurance and someone to tell you "everything is gonna be OK"...guess what, no one can tell you that, because not one of us knows what will happen in our lives.
    Don't confuse Reassurance with understainding.. I have stated time and time again I am trying to understand what a nurse does and I listed my concerns so people would know exactly why I want to understand..I thought it would help you see how someone who is not in medicine can be concerned..I don't belive anyone can tell me how my life is going to turn out...but if I wound up choosing to leave her... I would be considered the *** here...wouldn't I... even though life is unpredictable


    Suppose you two do actually progress and get married, and she does become a nurse. Suppose something did happen to her...an exposure or on the job injury? What would you do? Leave her? I'm not saying that any of that will/would happen, but it is possible, and you need to know that. But you know what? Injuries can happen anytime, anywhere. What if, God forbid, she were in some kind of accident, what then, are you gonna walk out on her because you weren't prepared for it?
    everyone has chocies in their lives..and if you don't look out for yourself who will??? This post was orignally started to find out what a nurses life is all about and if I can be able to match my life to her needs of her ocupation. Now if she told me that she was a hooker on the street should I not be considered about marrying her?? Or should I just brush it up to OH OK HUH be careful... How about if you saw a child maybe a child in your family waving around an unloaded gun...does that make it safe not to repremand him? Just because its not loaded doesn't mean it couldn't go off..But I am sure you wouldn't just chalk that up to...hey driving in a car kind of reaction your giving me.... If I feel that she is a great danger to my unborn child or me because of possible infections its my right to question if I can handle that... The fact is I was unclear and uncertain on how safe it really is in a ER atmosphere. If she did catch something would i leave her NO!!! but if you all told me there was a 99.9% chance of her getting a fatal or nasty disease.. well then I would probally walk away... Its easy to blast someone when u know more about a topic than they do... step out of your shoes and tell me what you would do If I was the one carrying your unborn child to and from work and my job was of extreme danger. THESE THINGS SHOUDN"T BE TAKEN LIGHTLY... however... i get criticized for taking them into consideration...
    My girl told me if i ever signed up for the Marines or a Cop she wouldn't marry me because of the consitent is he safe and will our children know their father concern....... how is this any diffrent?

    Only diffrece i see is that I became more educated on the profession from the people who took time to explin things to me rather then make fun of my situation... to those I am greatful for... i have worked these issues out almost completly i just have little questions that are non make or break.

    You State-
    You really do have issues,like I said..feelings of abandonment, I think this is maybe where a lot of this coming from.... Please seek some counseling for yourself, then perhaps the two of you together.
    I think you will find, that no matter what woman you end up,you will have these issues,until you recognize them and work on them.

    Because I posted one concern I need professional help?? Well then I think you need help to... I think you take offense to what a man has to say. it seems you hate men when they have concerns about their S/O. It seems that you have pent up hate against all men. You seem to judge them off the bat without trying to understand them...

    NOT REALLY FAIR TO BE JUDGE OFF ONE POST IS IT???
  3. by   bukko
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    I never thought about it that way.... I guess because I was so wound up on it failing i never thought about how it could work...Your right... if they can why can't I?
    Right on, dude! Have confidence as you walk through life. You won't always succeed, but if you start out with the attitude that you will, it's more likely than if you take the attitude that you won't.
  4. by   NeedAdvice1234
    I work in the corporate offices on the 20th floors... the main hospital is located basement to 4th floor..I have no interaction with hospital workers.. I only help out the university employees of Columbia Univeristy Medical Center.

    So I have a physical location at the hopsital however, I do not work for the hospital. I see patients in the lobby and doctors when the elevators stop on certain floors.. they are always talking about some scary ****..Like so and so got stuck with a needle and it might be fatal or so and so got punched in the face by a pateietn and now she needs reconstructive surgery... Thats really what got me thinking.

    I have tried to find people to talk to me about it that work here..but noone cares to help the healthy i guess..and rightfully so...who am i to try to have them answer my questions when someone needs meds or real comfort

    Quote from CNM2B
    You want to explain this? You work at a hospital after telling us you didn't...so it was a complete lie? How much of everything else you've said is a lie? I'm really confused here!
  5. by   NeedAdvice1234
    My biggest fear... ehh nevermind...



    Quote from bukko
    Right on, dude! Have confidence as you walk through life. You won't always succeed, but if you start out with the attitude that you will, it's more likely than if you take the attitude that you won't.
  6. by   BBFRN
    I think quite a few of us picked up on the trust and abandonment issue, and it seemed to be confirmed in your post about your mother. Tons of us out here have dealt with that same problems, but a word of advice here- it's something that needs to be worked on in order to sustain a happy, healthy relationship with someone else. It just is. Speaking from personal experience, those things can cause you to place unneeded restraints and demands on a partner, no matter how much they prove to you that they aren't going to cheat on you, leave you, etc. All those fears come from within you. And I'm sure you know they have more to do with your mother than your fiancee.

    Something else- if you work in a hospital, aren't you being exposed to those very same organisms you're afraid of your fiancee being exposed to? Or are the only organisms you're afraid of Doctors? If you want to see how Drs feel about us nurses, go here: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/ and do a search for the word "nurse." They liken us to trained monkeys, etc- not very nice. Maybe that would show you that they aren't spending lots of time fantasizing about humping us...more like they spend lots of time trying to figure out ways irritate us.
  7. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    I work in the corporate offices on the 20th floors... the main hospital is located basement to 4th floor..I have no interaction with hospital workers.. I only help out the university employees of Columbia Univeristy Medical Center.

    So I have a physical location at the hopsital however, I do not work for the hospital. I see patients in the lobby and doctors when the elevators stop on certain floors.. they are always talking about some scary ****..Like so and so got stuck with a needle and it might be fatal or so and so got punched in the face by a pateietn and now she needs reconstructive surgery... Thats really what got me thinking.

    I have tried to find people to talk to me about it that work here..but noone cares to help the healthy i guess..and rightfully so...who am i to try to have them answer my questions when someone needs meds or real comfort
    Okay, it's clearer now. Now, keep in mind that all these horror stories that you hear are just that HORROR stories and they are the ones everyone wants to tell. How often do these same people tell you happy, good stories? Probably not as much...we all like to dwell on the "out-there" experiences of life. KWIM?
  8. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from lgflamini
    I think quite a few of us picked up on the trust and abandonment issue, and it seemed to be confirmed in your post about your mother. Tons of us out here have dealt with that same problems, but a word of advice here- it's something that needs to be worked on in order to sustain a happy, healthy relationship with someone else. It just is. Speaking from personal experience, those things can cause you to place unneeded restraints and demands on a partner, no matter how much they prove to you that they aren't going to cheat on you, leave you, etc. All those fears come from within you. And I'm sure you know they have more to do with your mother than your fiancee.

    Something else- if you work in a hospital, aren't you being exposed to those very same organisms you're afraid of your fiancee being exposed to? Or are the only organisms you're afraid of Doctors? If you want to see how Drs feel about us nurses, go here: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/ and do a search for the word "nurse." They liken us to trained monkeys, etc- not very nice. Maybe that would show you that they aren't spending lots of time fantasizing about humping us...more like they spend lots of time trying to figure out ways irritate us.
    I work in the upper floors of the hospital in the university admin areas. It all connects to be about 7 blocks wide and long..if you knew where the hospital part was comapred to where I am... you would consider me way out of the way
  9. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from CNM2B
    Okay, it's clearer now. Now, keep in mind that all these horror stories that you hear are just that HORROR stories and they are the ones everyone wants to tell. How often do these same people tell you happy, good stories? Probably not as much...we all like to dwell on the "out-there" experiences of life. KWIM?
    True horror is better then happy go lucky....but come on these a pretty bad horrors... I mean reconstructive sugery.. fatal needle stabs... i hear new ones in the elevator everyday.. Weird stuff too.. like how many drug addicts come in looking for needles and fight with everyone but you can't fight back....Not because you don't want to...but because you don't want to treat them after you kick their butts.... I mean scary stuff here

    make me unconfortable that the one person i care about might have to deal with this stuff on a constent basis.... one gun, one stick, one crazy guy could end that

    but everyone here tells me their is alot of securtiy in the area she wants to work in... so thats a postiive that shut those fears up
  10. by   BBFRN
    Sorry- we posted at the same time.
  11. by   ktwlpn
    I think you need to learn what a healthy relationship IS before you worry about learning what nursing entails.This picture in your head of a quiet evening at the dinner table discussing your day is unrealistic...Dood....that is TV-not always real life.I am tired-he is tired-Kids are crying cats are puking hairballs,housework needs to be done (probably NOT by you)I think that your issues are going to give you problems no matter WHAT your significant other does-if you keep her barefoot and pregnant you will STILL find a reason to be jealous and dount your relationship...You came here for advice and have gotten some good stuff-did you know that we nurses learn some psychology,too?....
  12. by   mitchsmom
    "And as far as the heat comments and being upset when getting slammed? Let me ask you when you tell a person that they are going to die from cancer when they look toward you to make them feel better... Do you just say...........
    "Hey your going to die from cancer and your family is going to be left alone and you will not be their to see your kids graduate from college and you will never know your grandchildren LOL ohhhh does that bother you...well we tell it like it is... and if you don't like it get out of the kitchen."


    Yes, that's exactly what I do. What do you think? But we weren't talking about you dying in 6 mos now were we?

    so I can support her on all her decsions
    Maybe this is part of what confuses me. On the one hand you say this, but then at least a couple other times you state "before I continue with the Marraige talk"... this language indicates that you would potentially NOT continue the Marraige talk, yet when people ask you say "of course I would still marry her geez why are you slamming me?" Do you see how this is confusing?

    Considering everyone thinks that the posting was sooo true (regarding this post: "Better call the wedding off. She'll work screwed up hours. She'll get blood-puke-poop-snot-and alot of other stuff splattered on her. She'll work holidays. She'll be at risk for needle sticks. She'll be exposed to lots and lots of infectious disease. She'll be at higher than normal risk for being addicted to drugs/alcohol. She'll be stressed out alot. She'll work with horny-*** doctors that will try and hump her.")
    and I shouldn't get mad at it I guess now I get to worry about all the doctors hitting on my future wife.. PERFECT! I have to worry about her using drugs PERFECT!!


    Why would you worry about someone hitting on your wife? That is going to be a problem because obviously a guy or two or more is going to hit on your wife at some point in life no matter what she does.
    And as you can read, the poster did not say that she'd use drugs, but that she'd be at higher risk - two different things. You totally assume the worst. You know, the biggest risk of injury in life is probably riding in a car, and most people do that every day.
    I'm still kind of with the sarcastic poster... you seem to have very strict ideals and fears that seem out of proportion to the way I would say most people feel about the issues surrounding employment as a nurse and I don't know if you will be able to handle the issues your are curious about. This would be one of various reasons to find someone to talk to about said issues. What would therapy hurt? You don't have to be a nutcase to go to counseling, sometimes a counselor can just help you sort things out, put things in perspective, and make decisions. Or like I said before, even maybe just talking to an older person (with a lot of life experience to draw on) that you trust would help you sort it out.

    Also, you keep coming back to the thing about truly wanting to know exactly what nurses do, you should probably be more persistant in finding out how you can observe them. Try calling the volunteer office at the hospital in your building rather than asking a nurse who is in the middle of a shift. Actually really watching them and being able to ask someone questions in that setting would be more effective than asking on a bulletin board, especially since you still seem unsure after all of these people have responded to your inquiry. Best wishes.
  13. by   Stitchie
    [QUOTE=... and doctors when the elevators stop on certain floors.. they are always talking about some scary ****..Like so and so got stuck with a needle and it might be fatal or so and so got punched in the face by a pateietn and now she needs reconstructive surgery... Thats really what got me thinking.

    I have tried to find people to talk to me about it that work here..but noone cares to help the healthy i guess..and rightfully so...who am i to try to have them answer my questions when someone needs meds or real comfort[/QUOTE]

    Come on, dude, you have got to be smarter than this. You know that this stuff is the age - old game of telephone! You know, I tell so-and-so that my cat is 6lbs, brown and white with stripes. By the time the story gets back to me cat is now 60 lbs, has two heads, eats the mailman for lunch and sleeps upside down like a bat -- see what I'm getting at? We all love to exaggerate and play the pity game.

    The reason these docs are talking about this stuff is because it is so unusual! Why talk about the boring, everyday stuff that comes your way when the stuff that's really fun to discuss is the unusual stuff? (Please see thread on unusual, disgusting, yucky stories).

    As for helping the healthy, every nurse I know would rather do 60 minutes of preventative teaching, explaining, demonstrating, educating, etc to the healthy than spend 5 minutes giving medication to someone who's problems could have been so easily avoided. To label us as "not being willing to help the healthy" is unfair.

    You came here for help on what it's like to be married to a nurse, but you're attacking the very people who are trying to answer your questions.

    You have earned yourself a "quit your complaining" lecture.

    Healthy people do not come to the ER on a regular basis. That's a fact. People who are inpatients in hospitals today are far more ill than they were 10 years ago. They get home care, outpatient care, etc. Not every patient needs to be an inpatient. Those who are are pretty darned sick.

    I gave you an honest evaluation of how my husband sees our marriage and how we manage our relationship. He knows that my work means the world to me and that I receive profound joy from making a difference in people's lives -- which goes far beyond a paycheck. I come home exhausted, with aching feet and an aching back, with a serious case of caregiver burnout some days. He understands, cooks dinner, draws a bath for me, or gets me a beer -- whatever I may happen to need. Some days I need reassurance. Some days I'm just quiet about my day and don't want to talk, but he's the best husband on the planet because he takes his cues from my behavior, and, I hope, I do the same for him.

    That's what marriage is all about, zillions of people do it every day. Some days are better than others. Just be good to her! There are no 1950's style marriages out there these days. She's not likely to be waiting with martini's and dinner on the table for you and for sure she won't be if you expect her to mind the "young 'uns" while you're off doing "man's work". It's equality.

    I take offense to people (read YOU) who demonize those who are going out of there way to help YOU and pout when they don't like the answers. You came to US, a community of educated, hard working, dedicated people who put up with a lot of crap from a lot of people and go back to it EVERY DAY and shake off the bad stuff. Please grow up and get premarital counseling. Or wait 5 years to get married. And please, please, do not show up in my ER.

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