Marriage to a Nurse-- Need HELP

[NeedAdvice1234]

Hi everyone.

I am nto a nurse, however I am in a serious relationship with a Student Nurse. We have been talking marriage for some time now but she needs to graduate school. She will be done with her RN by December 2005. As you can see its right around the corner.

Anyway, I have a lot of concerns and she tries to reassure me that my concerns are not warrented nor will they be as bad as I think. However, I am skeptical because she has not been in the profession yet.

So long story short. I am concerned about what life will be like married to a Nurse. She has her heart set on ER nurseing and possibly Main OR. Considering I am in buisness and not medical profession. Everything I know is based on drama shows like ER and Trama etc. So I started thinking and I came up with the follwoing red flags that really concern me.

1. I don't want her to put herself in danger. There appreantly is a lot of disease and virus that are fatal out there. I am afraid if she is working in the ER that she might get AIDS if there is a bleeder and she gets blood in her eye Or if she gets stuck by a needle. So I feel she is in a dangerous postion over this.

2. I see alot of ER jobs out there that require shift work. Since my career bassically allows only for a 8-6 type of schdule. I am afraid that I will never see her if she get stuck on a 7-7 shift or so. The thought of comming home to an empty house and being alone until she has off next frightens me. I want to be able to some home and share each others day. Also we plan on having children so I don't understand how we can have children if she has so many messed up hours.

3. Holidays are important to the both of us. But since we have plans to move from NJ to out west. We will only have each other. Our familys will be behind. I don't really want to spend Christmas all alone.

4. The show ER is scary.... Does any of that stuff actually happen? If not then why is nursing considered one of the highest risk jobs you can have?

Overall I know it sounds like its all about me. But honestly it is. I want to make sure I know what I am getting into and the pitfalls I might face before I continue with the Marriage talk. Are my concerns warrented or am I just being smothering?

Any real life experinces and advice would be helpful. Someone out there must be married and a nurse. Who can offers some real life insight and not drama show life. I am looking for anyone who can really tell me how it is and perhaps made a marriage work by having night shift work.

Thank you all in advace.

[NeedAdvice1234]

There has been lots of "converstaion" about many of the topics and issues you may face with having your fiance be a nurse. YOu have gotten a lot of good advice.

Bottom line is: If you love your fiance, you can make it work. YOu will support her in her endeavors and she will support you in yours. That sounds storybook and of course, real life has its ups and downs and pitfalls, but it is done every day by thousands of hospital and shift workers daily. Marriage is a give and take relationship. Life/work, etc may bring bumps but if you can work together and learn to understand eachother you can get through anything. It is all about balance.

well YEAH!!! thats what i am trying to do..be supportive and first i got to squash all the myths i have in my head about the bad stuff of nursing...in reality I am trying to be the best support she has...she lost everyone during her schooling! How can i support something i have no clue on.... at least people liek you are offering some good insgiht here.. there are others YOU KNOW WHO U ARE that have been helpful in getting me to where i need to be to support her

[critcarenurse16]

Do not believe what you see on TV and base your lifes decisions on that. Nursing is a very rewarding career choice that offers flexibilty of hours, days whatever. That is why there are so many working mothers in nursing. Your fiance can always work part-time. But to keep her from what she wants to do will breed resentment toward you. There are risks in all work settings--you can't live in a bubble. Your fears are real to you but it sounds to me like they are not about her choice of career path and the risk it poses to her health. You've mentioned you don't want to be alone for Christmas or at night while she works, but be honest with yourself-- you don't want to be alone... period. Let her follow her dream to be a nurse and she will love you for respecting her choices. Good luck.

[ljr3000]

So, is your fiance in school now??? I thought you said the other day that she dropped out for you!! I sure hope not, really needadvice I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Nursing is a wonderful and respected profession and you should be excited for her. Believe me her scheduling won't be that bad, especially if you have a good career and she could work prn or something; then she wouldn't necessarily have to work on Holidays. And if she does; I know at my hospital if we work the holiday one year then the next year we have it off. And if you have to work 7-3 on Christmas you still have the rest of the evening to celebrate it and vice versa. And better yet, if you get to celebrate with the one you love then it really doesn't matter what day it is on.

Actually my schedule is better then my husbands. He's in business and he's out of town at least 3 days a week and actually I think it is good for us. And once you're together for awhile I think you would appreciate it too. Sometimes being around each other everyday is not good.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder!! :)

[LPN2BSN]

According to the CEU I just took on HIV/AIDS, the number of persons who caught HIV from their job was very little...like 53.

Now I am going to tell you how my marriage works. Yes...its stressful. Do I like working...not really. I would love to be a stay at home mom. I am lucky that since I have to work...I get to do something that I love. I think that my husband would tell you that my loving my job makes a BIG difference. I am happier at home, more at ease, and I don't dread going to work.

Just make sure that she is happy in what she does. I mean she could get a dayshift job at McDonalds to be home with you...but would she love it?

And honey...I can't think of one person who wasn't stressed out or depressed during nursing school. I had anxiety attacks for pete's sake! but i knew what was in store for me after I got out...and that kept me going.

My husband is great...he cleans house, cooks dinner, takes care of our 4 year old. I make sure I call several times during my shift to talk with him.

We also make sure that when we are both off of work at the same time, we do stuff together. He rides motorcycles, so I am learning to ride them also so we can go riding together. We'll have a "date" night once a week and my mom watching the boy (our 4 year old) once a week so we can have some private time. We also go to friends houses and play video games (we are all Halo freaks) and drink a few beers and relax. Making time to enjoy ourselves is important to us.

[NeedAdvice1234]

So, is your fiance in school now??? I thought you said the other day that she dropped out for you!! I sure hope not, really needadvice I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Nursing is a wonderful and respected profession and you should be excited for her. Believe me her scheduling won't be that bad, especially if you have a good career and she could work prn or something; then she wouldn't necessarily have to work on Holidays. And if she does; I know at my hospital if we work the holiday one year then the next year we have it off. And if you have to work 7-3 on Christmas you still have the rest of the evening to celebrate it and vice versa. And better yet, if you get to celebrate with the one you love then it really doesn't matter what day it is on.

Actually my schedule is better then my husbands. He's in business and he's out of town at least 3 days a week and actually I think it is good for us. And once you're together for awhile I think you would appreciate it too. Sometimes being around each other everyday is not good.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder!! :)

No she didn't drop out... She said she would just to keep me in her life...I IMMEDIATLY TOLD HER NO... do nothing for me... take care of you.

Thats where alot of this posting comes from....I have no rite to tell her to not follow her dreams I have no rite to get in the way of her life...but I do have every rite to question my life with based on what she wants... I want to reach a common goal.. She seems to have alot of the same ideas in her thoughts as I do. But if she didn't then wouldn't we be incompatable anyway?

I been trying to write a novel...probally doesn't show in this forum because i type out fast and furious...hopefully it will sell and maybe I can get a book deal and then their wouldn't be any problems with finding the quality time to spend with my wife. She would be able to take any schdule she wants too and considering I make my own hours on when to write... then there would be no clash....

The diseases thing seems to be resolved in my head... learning from everyone one of you...YES YOU TOO STICHIE..... seemed to quiet those fears rather nicely.

Point of this discussion is to get some real insight from people who actually work as nurses who have lives... Rotation work and the life of a nurse cannot compare to that of say a lawyer... Nurses are in demand and health doesn't stop because its a holiday or a weekend.... However, I didin't want to find out that health and working as a nurse would dictate my entire life either..

People find the ones they want to spend the rest of their lives with...but don't want to be chained to that person...their is always a give and take.... but if nursing is really that demanding my fears would be i would be giving a lot with hardly any left overs but the tired or quiet and closed person..How does one grow without affection or life...

Like I said... its hard to know anything about nursing when all you know comes from movies and TV... You see drs running to the hospital because of emerency or babies...you see people frantic in ER and Trama shows...I thought if their is sooo much of that to make 500 diffrent shows about it some of it might be true...And that is scary.. Don't you agree????

[NeedAdvice1234]

According to the CEU I just took on HIV/AIDS, the number of persons who caught HIV from their job was very little...like 53.

Now I am going to tell you how my marriage works. Yes...its stressful. Do I like working...not really. I would love to be a stay at home mom. I am lucky that since I have to work...I get to do something that I love. I think that my husband would tell you that my loving my job makes a BIG difference. I am happier at home, more at ease, and I don't dread going to work.

Just make sure that she is happy in what she does. I mean she could get a dayshift job at McDonalds to be home with you...but would she love it?

And honey...I can't think of one person who wasn't stressed out or depressed during nursing school. I had anxiety attacks for pete's sake! but i knew what was in store for me after I got out...and that kept me going.

My husband is great...he cleans house, cooks dinner, takes care of our 4 year old. I make sure I call several times during my shift to talk with him.

We also make sure that when we are both off of work at the same time, we do stuff together. He rides motorcycles, so I am learning to ride them also so we can go riding together. We'll have a "date" night once a week and my mom watching the boy (our 4 year old) once a week so we can have some private time. We also go to friends houses and play video games (we are all Halo freaks) and drink a few beers and relax. Making time to enjoy ourselves is important to us.

BINGO!!! thats what i wanted to know....HOW IS LIFE LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A NURSE!! thats exactly what I wanted to know!! aside from the pinpoited questions of my own fears...THANK YOU FOR TRULY UNDERSTANDING MY QUESTION...which is not hard as long as you take it face value and not try to read into it....Thats what you did..

AWESOME... so family time and alone time is important to you... its importnat to me and her as well.... OK now your going to get a bunch of questions LOL.

I also think maybe her nursing school is depressing me... its something i can't confort her on.. she was pretty depressed last semester..and there was no affection between us... we didn't go out she didn't want to....No emotion.... no nothing.... I tried the best i could to break her free from her depression but it just got worse.... I cooked her huge italina meals... bought her little no material gifts... offered to do shopping and her clothes while she took a nap I was there 100% but nursing school overcame it all...ITS NICE TO KNOW there is an end to all this stuff

She wants ER...but is afraid she might not be able to mentally handle it. Thats why she thinks OR might be her thing or even forensics. (sp) She loves the inside of a body but can't take say a mother crying and pleading to not let her little boy die because of drunk driver.

1. what does hubby do for living

2. How do you handle the holidyas with the 4 year old when u need to work them

3. Why do you consider it stressfull...is it any more or less stressful if you were in anothe professions or u just saying marriage itself is stressful?

4. What made u go into nursing?

5. Why do you love it so much...would you love it as much if say if you were in Er or Peds or Burn unit?

6. What is you schdule like?? is it one of those 7-7 3 days on 4 days off everyone is talking about?

OHHHHHH boy I am excited.... Your the one i been waiting for to answer all those frightful questions.....

[MryRose]

Is there really a girlfriend?????????

If so, she needs a backbone... and you need a hobby.

Every single post you have made is about YOU.

She is in nursing school and YOU are depressed???? lolol Oh my gosh!

Honey, every marriage is going to be different..... because every relationship is different. This thread is all about you...

You wanted info.... here's mine:

Go get counseling!

[MryRose]

I think I'm beginning to see a troll here. This just doesn't seem real to me, does anyone else feel this?

Yup.... I do see it too

[Nurse Ratched, RN]

Closing this one for the time being pending moderator discussion.