Lost my cool

Caffeine_IV · Apr 22, 2011

I am interested in what the daughter's response was after you "lost your cool."

I probably wouldn't apologize. If I was going to do so it would have been within the same shift.

enchantmentdis, BSN, RN · Apr 22, 2011

I think you did great. However, even if you do apologize tomorrow this lady probably will still lodge a complaint about you to management and you know how management is. People are awfully sneaky and the first person they blame is the nurse. They love to get nurses into trouble. See tomorrow if another nurse can care for this patient so you won't have to deal with her daughter again. Stay away from her if you can for your own good. But write a short, to the point letter to the manager or call her first thing in the morning to let her/him know what happened so you would have explained your side first.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Apr 22, 2011

i told her that mom did not need a blanket. she had a temp of 103 and there is a reason i took her blanket off. she said she sensed i was frustrated with her and i said "yes i am frustrated. you are demanding things that are absurd at the moment. i'm trying to prioritize your mother's care in order to stabilize her at this moment. we can get to your other requests at a later time." i can't remember what else i said but i know my frustration and aggravation was obvious.
i'm kinda mad at myself for letting her get to me..... sheesh
should i apologize to her tomorrow?

you weren't screaming, cursing or calling her names, were you? no? then i think she should be apologizing to you.

mazy · Apr 22, 2011

I think what you said was fine. As someone said, you set boundaries and you were able to articulate your areas of concern in very concrete terms. I don't know what else you said or how you said it but it sounds fine.

It also sounds like the daughter has a habit of not respecting boundaries and I would guess that it's not the first time someone pushed back when she started getting pushy. So she is probably used to people setting her straight. Apologizing would just reinforce those behaviours.

Have a talk with your supervisor, explain what happened, and move on. I imagine by now a dozen more things have happened that the daughter is upset about and your comment is just a small pebble in the pond of her indignation.

ktliz · Apr 22, 2011

I'm also curious about the daughter's reaction. If she seemed to "get the picture," then no, I don't think an apology is warranted. You did what needed to be done. However, I do agree with a previous poster that the situation may have been avoided by clearly setting boundaries for this relative earlier in the patient's stay.

On the other hand, if you sense any lingering confusion or resentment, then there needs to be further communication on the issue. But, I wouldn't come straight out and apologize for your actions--the main objective of the conversation should be education, with an apology for losing your cool as a brief aside. :cool:

Edited to add: Somehow I missed Mazy's post directly above mine.

It also sounds like the daughter has a habit of not respecting boundaries and I would guess that it's not the first time someone pushed back when she started getting pushy. So she is probably used to people setting her straight. Apologizing would just reinforce those behaviours.

This is exactly what I was getting at in my first paragraph. :)

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Apr 23, 2011

your comment is just a small pebble in the pond of her indignation.

WOW!!! Nicely stated!

OCNRN63, RN · Apr 23, 2011

So everyone knows what is like to deal with that hyper-vigilant, overbearing family member right? Oh it is soo hard to be patient. I took care of an elderly patient yesterday in ICU. She was in ICU because she had a reaction to a medication. Did fine overnight and was sent back out to the floor. Then today she was doing poorly on the floor and was transferred back down to ICU. (Unrelated to the med reaction). The daughter has been so nit picky about everything since the reaction. Angry that the doctor ordered the med, angry we didn't know the patient would react that way, angry about everything. So angry she fired the doctor... then demanded for him to come back when the patient got sicker.
So as soon as the patient arrived to ICU she was demanding to come back to see the patient... snuck in.... then was in the room nit picking while I was trying to stabilize the patient. I then sent the patient for a procedure. As soon as I got the patient back and was trying to recover her she was demanding to come back in again. It was now after visiting hours and she was making such a stink I said fine send her back here.... Did just she come back?? Noooo about 6 family members came. She was demanding things... saying her mom needed this, wanted that.....Raise her bed... give her a pillow... she needs a drink... there is a new red spot on her face, what is that? mark it! measure it! chart it!!!!
Mom is lying FLAT for a reason!!! Mom was unresponsive and I was trying my best to stabilize her. She got so upset that I would give mom another blanket that I finally went off on her.. Well... I didn't go off.. but I lost my cool...
I told her that mom did not need a blanket. She had a temp of 103 and there is a reason I took her blanket off. She said she sensed I was frustrated with her and I said "Yes I am frustrated. You are demanding things that are absurd at the moment. I'm trying to prioritize your mother's care in order to stabilize her at this moment. We can get to your other requests at a later time." I can't remember what else I said but I know my frustration and aggravation was obvious.
I'm kinda mad at myself for letting her get to me..... sheesh
Should I apologize to her tomorrow?

Absolutely not. (Unless someone from mgmt. holds a gun to your head and tells you to.)

TigerGalLE, BSN, RN · Apr 23, 2011

I ended up taking care of the patient again yesterday. She was much sicker and I was very busy with her. Her daughter was still somewhat difficult but she listened to me and did what I asked her to do. Which included a lot of sitting down in the corner of the room and allowing the patient to rest.

I didn't apologize. I enforced the rules of the unit. I only allowed 2 visitors at a time and made them leave when visiting hours were over. They did so without argument. The daughter didn't seem to be any more angry with me than she was with anyone else involved in her mothers care. So... I think all is well.