I've had a tough few weeks of self-reflection. My mind has gone back and forth over my preferred career path, and, ultimately, I think I'm going to bow out gracefully.
I am a career-change RN. After receiving two bachelor degrees in non-nursing fields, I realized what I had really known all along - nursing was for me. I worked hard, I worked full time, I put myself through school, I was at the top of my class....andddd...I got a pedi home health job. My ADN isn't worth the paper it's written on in the Northeast.
THEN, I blew my back out. Massive herniation, 6 months off work, and pain to end all pain. I deal with workers comp, I rehab (luckily no surgery) and I get back to work this past June.
My DREAM is to be an acute care nurse. I love working with high-acuity and in a fast-paced, think-on-your-feet environment...as someone who as always craved more 'excitement,' this is for me. BUT, I have an ADN. And even with a BSN, hospitals aren't hiring you unless you have previous hospital experience (usually already in the specialty you are trying to break in to,) and you can't get experience of any kind because nobody will hire you to begin with. Add to that a back injury, and I'm further limited to PICU, but preferably NICU as I really do not want to temp fate with my back...and REFUSE a future filled with spinal fusions and all that jazz.
I tried to convince myself to be an FNP. I even toyed with PA school, but I'm so frustrated by all of the courses that I will have to re-take since I am past my 10 year expiration for most schools.
I'm frustrated. I would be a STELLAR ICU nurse. I really would. I have fought so hard to get here and it's taken years. I just don't think I have much fight left in me. Moving isn't an option as my husband makes more than double what I do and has a job with a large pay potential.
It is just so discouraging to see that travel nurses are getting hired all over the place because they are cheaper from every angle. Local nurses need the jobs! I'm just over it at this moment. I am just treading water and getting sick of it. Hard work has officially gotten me nowhere and there is no silver lining in sight.
Just needed to rant/vent/sulk/express my frustration
May as well go back to my pre-nursing legal career where I made the same money, didn't have to do nearly as much work, and wasn't in a field that constantly tempted me to do more and be more, but knowing that the goals I have in mind are pretty unattainable.
:::END PITY PARTY:::