I got myself in a sort of mess....

  1. Put all your feelings about homosexuality aside. Homophobes need not respond. Sorry, just had to say that, since that is not the issue.

    Anyway, we have a nurse who is male (boderline personality and is probably a sex addict, that's my diagnosis) who just got his license back after loosing it when he transfered from one state to another and it they found he had a drunk driving conviction.

    He has been flirting with me for quite a while. I've brushed him off and he and in no way have I encouraged him. He knows I'm happily in a monogamous relationship as I wearing a wedding ring and I have told him so many times.

    Lately he has been more and more bold and sexual. Last night he asked me point blank "when are you going to give me some". I said "In your dreams...i.e. never".

    I'm beginning to become uncomfortable with him. He just got his license and I'm reluctant to get him into trouble. But what if I keep telling him to lay off and he doesn't, if I report him it gets ugly and he may get fired, loose his license again. Perhaps I shouldn't care, since he's acting very inappropriately.

    I'm going to look bad because I've let it go on for many months. He is a good nurse.
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  2. 57 Comments

  3. by   Brownms46
    Usually I have a whole lot to say, but on this one I'll just say this. I think you already know the answer to the question. You just need to do what you need to do. Good Luck!
  4. by   OzNurse69
    Originally posted by Brownms46
    Usually I have a whole lot to say, but on this one I'll just say this. I think you already know the answer to the question. You just need to do what you need to do. Good Luck!
    With you on this one, Brownms. His and your sexuality is not the issue here, the fact is any UNWANTED sexual advance is harassment. And good luck with dealing with it. We're all here supporting you on this one....
  5. by   aus nurse
    3rdShiftGuy, it's sexual harrassment. I get the impression from reading your posts for a while now, that you are a very compassionate, tolerant and non-judgemental kinda guy. If it is bothering you it must be pretty bad I am thinking.

    My thinking is, spell it out to him in plain language..i.e. "I am uncomfortable with your behaviour and if it does not stop I will report you".
    If you have already been this blunt, then go ahead and report him now. He sounds like he really does not know his limits and it will only get worse.
    Waiting months I don't think should reflect against you...you tried to solve it in a non confrontational way is all.

    Hope it all turns out OK for you.
  6. by   semstr
    must agree with the others. Tell him bluntly you don't want this talk and behaviour. When he doesn't stop...report him!
    Take care, Renee
  7. by   kmchugh
    This really isn't a gay or straight issue. It's an issue of harassment. I'm with everybody else here. His advances are intrusive, unwanted, and intimidating. You've been nice, you've made the effort. More importantly, you've let him know you don't want to be the target of his advances. I'd say he's had enough warning. If you really feel it necessary, tell him one more time (without waiting for another advance) exactly, bluntly how you feel. I've known people like this in the past though, and my experience is they tend to become vindictive when rejected. With very little effort, he could begin to make you look like the bad guy to management.

    As a middle ground, before talking to this guy again, talk to your manager. Tell him/her what is going on, but ask them not to take any action until you have had the chance to try one more time. That way, if his feelings are hurt and he runs to the manager to report YOU for harassment, there will already be record of your concerns. Your butt is covered, and hopefully, no damage is done to him.

    If that doesn't work, I'd make a formal report. If he loses his job, or his license, you have nothing to feel guilty about. He will have suffered the consequenses of his own behavior. Welcome to the adult world. You have the right not to be subjected to this kind of unwanted behavior. Good luck.

    Kevin McHugh
  8. by   bewbew
    I'm going to look bad because I've let it go on for many months.
    ewwwwww........how awful for you.........I have also been harrassed at work, in the hospitality industry, and I remember thinking at the time that it was somehow my fault, maybe what I wore, whatever, and didn't do anything about it at the time.....I was too scared of any repercussions, and wasn't very confident.
    But if I think of it now, it makes my blood boil, and of course I beat mself up as I didn't do anything about it.

    You really must talk to him or an appropriate person, this person is likely to carry on this behaviour toward you or others.......and for your own piece of mind.
  9. by   l.rae
    hey guy, nothing to add to all the good advice you already got here. Sounds like the time has come to nip it in the bud...(in the words of the great Barny Fife).....good luck. Just wanted to add my support.......LR
  10. by   renerian
    Go to your super and file sexual harassment charges. I don't know about you but we nurses are way to busy to fart around with stuff like that......

    renerian
  11. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Nothing more to add really, everyone here has said it all so well. Just know that you have tons of love and support here.

    Heather
  12. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Actually, I do have something to say.

    If you were some petite little woman, this sh*t would not fly. That guy would be out on his azz without a liscense. It is no different now. He is wrong. Make it clear to him that if it doesn't stop you will settle for nothing less than him losing his liscense for good!

    Heather
  13. by   2banurse
    I can only echo all the sentiments above. I would suggest that you follow kmchugh's advice. The fact that you didn't say anything earlier is the fact that you like most people hope that things will change without causing to much upheaval...to me that is human nature...again talk with your NM, do what Kevin suggested, and let the guy know that unless he stops bothering you, you'll have no choice but to report this harassment. Since you stated he is good nurse, I might tell him that.

    Best of luck!
    Kris
  14. by   funnygirl_rn
    I second Kevin's advise. Besides, you sound like such a nice person...and what happens to nice people...often they get taken advantage of by not voicing their complaints. Good luck!

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