How do you do it?

linearthinker, DNP, RN · Oct 2, 2011

I won't tell you what to do, I'll just tell you what I do.

#1, I have help. I'd suggest hiring as much help as you can reasonably afford. Even if it is only someone coming in once a week to scrub toilets, lol, it's better than nothing. So, start with your least favorite or hardest to handle chore and hire it out. If you are on a tight budget and can't afford a professional, hire a kid to do it. One of your own, or a college kid desperate for money, lol. One year I got my gutters cleaned by of bunch a frat kids desperate for Spring Break funds.

#2) Prioritize, every day. Today I will accomplish a, b and c for sure. x and y are "hopefully," z is "possibly" if all the stars align and the moon is in the right phase, etc. Otherwise z will move up to y position tomorrow, etc.

3#) Share the joy. Everyone in this household has responsibilities. Make sure they all know what they are and hold them accountable. People (old enough) who don't do their own laundry or get up early enough to eat breakfast go to school hungry and in dirty uniforms. I could give a sheet, lol. I'm going to be neither dirty nor hungry. People who don't maintain tidy living quarters come home from camp and find everything they own has been thrown out (yes, this is true, ask my son). Kids who leave bikes, skateboards and sports equipment lying around where it doesn't belong put that equipment in the car on Saturday morning and accompany their mother to donate it to the Boys and Girls Club of America (you could ask that same son, or any of the others. They have all lost stuff this way). I could go on. The point is, my children are spoiled in may ways, but they are not coddled. They do their chores, they do their homework and get the grades we expect, they participate in the family unit, or they pay logical consequences. I am no martyr.

4) As far as meals go, it is really much easier than many people make it out to be. We don't eat much that you could cook in a crock pot. We don't eat bread, potatoes, rice or pasta or any kind of gravy. We might cook lamb or chicken on the weekend, red meat is strictly for special occasion. We do NOT eat pork of any kind (not religious, it's just revolting). We generally eat fish most days of the week and fish doesn't do well in the crock pot. I usually get my fish fresh on my way home in the afternoon and I never know what's "fresh" until I get there. We either poach it, which takes mere minutes, or put it on the grill. When I am really in a hurry, I just get those deli fruit and veggie trays, lol. Buy some humus and toss that nasty dressing they put in there! Salad comes in a bag these days, and those frozen Bird's Eye veggie things that steam in the microwave are awesome. Sometimes we have couscous which cooks in 5 minutes. I might throw in some leftover fish, veggies, and toss it with a little olive oil.

Stop worrying so much about dinner. Go to the butcher or fresh market or farmers market. Buy what looks good, take it home and enjoy with some fresh or frozen veggies. Dinner should be family time, not a major production that stresses you out. You will be healthier for it too!

merlee · Oct 3, 2011

Get over the idea that ANYONE does it easily. Some people may be better organized, but they didn't start out that way.

If your kids have clean clothes and their bellies are reasonably full you are ahead of the game! And there is nothing wrong with 'breakfast for dinner' occassionally. Sometimes waffles or scrambled eggs are just fine, or even oatmeal. My mom sometimes enjoyed cold cereal in the evening. Hubby needs to AT THE VERY LEAST be responsible for his own laundry and clean up after meals. They can be taught!!!

Take care of yourself and try to enjoy your kids while you can. And make a 'date' with your hubby at least once every 2 weeks, more often if you have the energy and inclination!

Best wishes to you and your family!

BSNgrad2010 · Oct 3, 2011

Don't think of it as all your responsibility. You and your husband should split the work evenly. Do we ever ask dads how they manage to work and have a family? No but we ask women this all the time. We need to stop expecting women to handle everything and having no expectations of men. I don't know how many times I've thanked my husband for doing a load of laundry or emptying the dishwasher as if those are my jobs and he is helping me out. No, these are both of our jobs, neither of us should be expected to do it all. That being said, I tend to do most of the indoor housework whereas he takes care of the lawn care, auto care, maintenance, etc. Good luck!

Sun_danc3rRN · Oct 3, 2011

On nights that I work my husband cooks. He takes care of dishes and laundry, I take care of cleaning, dusting, mopping and bathrooms. We both do outside chores when it looks like a jungle. He is a full time nursing student and I am a full time nurse. We are on 2 different schedules. He is on a day schedule with school and I work nights.Our kids are grown and out of the house so we have no one to assign chores to. Sometimes when I cook it is sandwiches. Sometimes when he cooks it is ordering in pizza. Dishes get thrown in the dishwasher and run when one of us is asleep..if he forgets we use paper! As far as laundry, as long as we each have clean underthings, towels, and uniforms we will catch up on the rest. Housecleaning..our house always needs dusted and vacuumed, but the bathrooms are always clean. I clean whichever one I use as soon as I am about to get into the shower..scrub scrub scrub, then hop in shower and scrub myself. Don't be too hard on yourself. It is ok to rely on your husbands help, and no dust bunny under the bed has ever jumped out and attacked in the middle of the night that I am aware of.

nola1202 · Oct 3, 2011

How long has it been since you've requested a day off? One mental health day can do a lot of good. Consider paying someone once every two weeks to come in and do the heavy duty house keeping. Maybe someone will babysit so you and husband can just have a quiet meal and some down time. Just thoughts.

Roy Fokker, BSN, RN · Oct 3, 2011

Not trying to belittle you or make light of your situation. Honest! Just relaying a personal anecdote (fair disclosure - I'm young, single, have no children):

I quit moaning about school, chores and life in general when I found out in week 2 of nursing school that one of my classmates was a single mom to two beautiful 8 month old twins, full time school... AND worked her buns off holding down a job to help support family, mortgage, bills etc.

Granted her parents were a big help but dang!!

Compared to y'all - I have nothing to complain about! LOL

cheers,

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN · Oct 3, 2011

Heck...I only work PT but still struggle to keep it together.

No one is perfect.

The crockpot is king!

ktwlpn, LPN · Oct 3, 2011

How do you handle your 2nd shift job? You know, your household. I recently returned back to work after being a SAHM for 2 years. I am trying to get back in the groove of things, but the laundry is piling up, I'm ordering out more, I'm just plain exhausted! I work 5 days a week (8hr days). I have to be at work at 5:30am every morning. When I get home I'm beat! I'm doing my best, but I'm falling behind. I keep saying I will throw something in the crockpot before I leave but that never happens. When I get home, I just want to relax. Between helping the kids with their homework and doing my own (online BSN) where is the time? My husband hasn't gotten use to me working either, he is expecting everything to just be the way it was when I was at home. I'm not superwoman, but so many women juggle it with ease. How do you do it all? How do you organize your after work hours/days? What's your secret?

Here's the most important thing that I learned too late- I wish I knew this back when my son was little becasue you can't get that time back.... No-one ever died from wearing clothes more then one day,no one ever died because their kitchen floor was not clean enough to eat off of-no one has ever died from dirty windows, dusty "tchatchkes",dirty sheets, take out a few nights a week etc.

#1 - if hubbie expects a Martha Stewart home he can pitch in or hire you some help. Mine has been doing his share since day 1.

#2 - the crockpot is your best friend-there are numerous recipes site out there.I fill my liner the evening before and put it in the fridge-hubbie or myself can put it in the heating base and turn it on the am. Prepakaged veg and salads are great but why not prep veg once or twice a week? Also cook a few large meals on that day and freeze half. Home made soups are crock pot easy and healthy served with a salad.

#3 -Take a nap after work (I thought I would die when I worked 6am to 2 pm) Hire a neighborhood teen to babysit for an hour or two so you can rest (bonus-they can help with homework if your kids are the type that can get it done right after school-mine was not,he needed some down time first)

#4 -many women only APPEAR to juggle it "with ease" After you've seen a few "Oprah's" and "Dr Phils" you know they all are compromising in some way or are the kind of people that put appearances BEFORE the well being of their family. I can't wait to read the book that Martha Stewart's daughter has just published. So STOP comparing yourself to others.

#5 -schedule all ogf your regular chores and stick with that schedule-daily,weekly, and monthly stuff.

#6 -a successful marriage takes TEAM work-clearly and concisely invite your husband to join your team...Men communicate very differently from women-you are going to have to spell out exactly what you need him to do and then lower your standards a bit because he is not going to do things the same way you do them...I have written pages of very expilict notes through the years. My husband has been known to put a load of wash into the dryer and not turn it on because "you didn't tell me to do that" My son and my husband will go up the stairs and repeatedly step over piles of objects that need to be carried up-as if the stuff it invisible. They are not stupid people-they just needed to be trained.

#7 -decorative crates and boxes hide lots of crap-also trays on counters in kitchens and baths streamline chores.

#8 -Draw the curtains and light some CANDLES TO HIDE THE REST ---enjoy your famiy and your life.....

pockunit, ADN, RN · Oct 3, 2011

One thing pockspouse and I do is make sure that there's always a load in the washer or dryer. Get up, swap the wet into the dryer and put a new load into the washer. Put the things from the dryer in a basket for pockchild1 to sort after school. Everyone has their own basket (color-coded, even), and is responsible for putting clothes away daily. We call it Laundry Party. Sometimes we race to see who can put theirs away first. Pockchild3 is nearly 3 and can be relied upon to put away a few things, but certainly not folded. Yet.

We also spend a few days each month making freezer meals. Pockspouse loves Fix, Freeze, Feast, which give you multiple entrees that are ready to cook from the freezer with truly minimal prep.

Also, we eat a lot of Chinese from the place on the way home. And Friday is pizza and movie night. Put on a movie, get a little housework done while the kids are zombied out on the couch.

There are a lot of little things that can add up to major things, if you can figure out what works for your family.

When it comes down to it, are your clothes (relatively) clean? Can you walk though the house without your feet sticking to the floor? Are you eating a few healthy meals a week and minimizing the pop-tarts and McDonalds? You're doing fine.

Also, your husband either needs to kick in with the help or kick in with the finances to hire a cleaning lady. If he won't do either he needs to ****.

School is a finite period of time. You only need to get through that before your horizon will suddenly open up with all this time you now have.

pockunit, ADN, RN · Oct 3, 2011

my 3 month old just refuses to do her share. LOL!!!

Stupid babies.