and i am still trembling...
and learned something very scary about myself today.
my mil died in 9/09.
dad, who lives in a ltc facility, has naturally been profoundly depressed, and only wants to spend his days in bed.
so my husband comes home yesterday, telling me that dad is going to be eval'd for hospice next week.
now, i know he has not been losing weight, and to my knowledge, has not had any new/serious dx.
my sister-in-law, who is poa, announced she is having the folks who cared for mom, eval dad as well.
i keep on asking "why? why?"
i also ask, "is he on antidepressants? has he had a psych consult?"
hubby doesn't know...
BUT calmly states they will give him morphine til he dies.
the family is on board with this, since they want to see dad with mom, once again.
by this time i am yelling," but that is MURDER!!!"
and knowing there are hospice agencies that are highly unscrupulous, i am in genuine panic.
i insist on talking to the cn at the ltc facility, but hubby is skeptical, since i have made a few, very vocal stinks over the years that have upset the family.
one time when mom was in a 'leading' hospital, she got a massive stage iv decub that resulted in her needing myoplasty.
i had called up the cno at this hospital and threatened to sue their sorry a$$es off.
sister-in-law/poa was very upset with me, since she was "good friends" with lots of these folks at the hospital.
when mom was receiving hospice services, she was being very poorly managed and i didn't hesitate to let the nurse know.
as a result, i ended up taking over most of her care. (she would only take meds for me)
hubby reluctantly calls the ltc facility, with me on the other line.
he asks the questions that i have, w/the cn ending up addressing my concerns.
yes, dad has been on antidepressants, has gotten numerous psych consults, but evidentally, has been aspirating on foods, even after diet being changed to puree.
so today they are getting all the directives in order (dnr, dnh, no-fdg tube), and will have hospice eval next week.
siblings have been going in and basically, force-fdg his meals, which have resulted in sev'l hospitalizations r/t asp pneumonia.
what bothers me the most, is today i totally know i would have called authorities, IF he had received hospice illegitimately.
i was so distraught, i pm'd an admin on here, eliciting guidance/feedback.
and i am still shaking, knowing that ultimately in my heart, this would have been highly illegal and i couldn't let dad die unless there was a physiological basis.
so now, i know dad will soon be with mom once again.
and i know that my 23 yr marriage will not end, since i didn't have to notify those in authority.
thank you, dear God.
it really is terrifying to know that i'd be capable of doing what is right, even knowing the devastating consequences...
and am so very grateful, it didn't come to that.
thank you for listening.
leslie
