The haunting scream of a mother

[PAERRN20]

The last few days have been particularly rough and I know this is a safe place to vent. Over the weekend I have witnessed the death of a young woman who has passed long before her time. The scream that came from her mother I will never forget. The look of terror, vulnerability, and sadness in her eyes has remained with me. I have witnessed deaths that have been long coming as well as sudden, but for some reason I can't forget this one. Maybe I don't want to forget. I do not have children but I can only begin to imagine the pain that will consume this mother for years to come.

[sasha2lady]

I couldnt imagine how I would handle that kind of a death. I work in geriatrics so even when its a sudden unexpected one...its usually not as dramatic as the loss of a child. The closest Ive ever been is when I was a senior in HS..my cousins age 12 and 14 were killed when the car they were in was hit head on by a tractor trailer. I was at first in pure disbelief....until I got to see one of them on life support. Their mother showed absolutely no emotion at all...which I think was because she was in shock. Their step dad was on his knees crying to God and whoever would listen to him. I tried for months to figure out why that happened to them of all people but I never could come up with anything other than whatever purpose God had here on earth for them was completed. At my job, I lost a patient that I just loved dearly....I loved her family and everything about her....when she passed I went to her wake and I didnt cry til I saw her daughter. One look at her and I couldnt help myself. In what I thought was my own moment of weakness came some relief.

[PAERRN20]

Thanks for the encouraging words everybody. I am feeling better today after I wrote everything out.

[angelfaceLPN]

I can not fathom the loss of a child. I would, without hesitation, lay down and die for my kids this very instant. I have lost patients and it was very sad. I lost my dad suddenly and got the phone call while I was a chaperone for my then kindergarten aged sons class. If you want to silence a bus load of screaming kindergarten children, let them hear or see the devastation that came with that phone call to me. I lost my mom after almost 17 years of her being in a persistent vegetative state, not on any type of life support just tube feeding and a trach. I had a brand new boyfriend who woke up to me screaming and collapsing to my knees on the floor when I got that phone call. There isn't even a word for people who have lost a child. If your parents die you are an orphan, your husband/wife dies you are a widow/widower, but not one for the parents of a lost child. I lost a baby, that they told me was a tubal pregnancy and it turned out that I had an appendicitis, after 3 weeks of methotrexate injections that didn't stop the pregnancy that they told me could or would kill me. I woke up from emergency surgery to hear the doctor telling my step dad that they took out my appendix and gave me a D&C. It was a terrible couple of years.

[Spritenurse1210, BSN, RN]

I worked on a telemetry/med-surg unit as a tech roughly 4 years ago. I took care of a 41 year old lady wth end stage breast cancer and walked into her room many nights to find her mother(in her 70s with her arms wrapped around her almost like she was desperately trying to hold onto her and keep her from the inevitable. The patient lost her fight a couple nights later and her poor mother screamed that horrible scream you just described.....I will nevet forget it either.

[kids]

My first grandchild was born with a heart defect, he looked fine until the cord was cut- then he crumped.

Watching the code unfold in the birthing room was very surreal, I was haunted for several years by my daughter's screams.

(Baby had open heart at 10? 11? days old and is a healthy, happy almost 7 year old.)

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

WOW I am so sorry, I got to the third reply in this thread and I thought about my own kids and just started crying, I can't and don't want to ever imagine.

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

.

Haunting and horrific - I'd bet that it will stay with you forever.

I made many notifications through the years - 2 stay with me.

1. Called to house fire. Had been fighting the fire for a while when someone came and got me (I was the dept's only medic) to take a "look" at (what I thought was a bystander) sitting across the street on the curb. He had some minor burns on his hands, singed hair (no airway issue or anything) and he was shaking badly. I finally heard him say that "my son was in his (2nd story) room when the fire started, I jumped on the roof to try and get through the window to him when the house exploded and I lost him and the floor collapsed".

I left the patient long enough to run to my fire captain to tell him we had a child in the house. Dad confirmed he saw him just before the collapse of the second story. We had been told & thought that everyone had gotten out. We were wrong. Not that anything we could have done to change the outcome. A police officer was sent to pick up "mom" and meet us in the local ER where I would be transporting her husband (and victim's dad).

I was filthy dirty, smoky - I took off my jacket, but what I had been doing was clear. Mom arrived, started freaking out, demanded a explanation and "dad" just could not "tell her" and I then had to tell her what we knew - "Fire started & grew fast, your son was in the upstairs bedroom, dad tried to save and lost sight of him when floor collapsed. Yes ma'am we have reason to believe that your son did not get out of the house. I am so sorry. No, we have not found him yet". Mom beat at me (I just stood there) and made the most horrible sound that I will never forget. My heart still breaks over it. I was stinky smoky and did not save her little boy. I would have beat me too. I went back and did the recovery of the 8 year-old little boy that was a body-bagged near cremation fatality. Unlike the guys on the department, I strangely do not recall any smells - just the breathless desperation of "mom" and my own feeling of helplessness.

2. The sound of my nana loosing her only child (my mother). My nana had me and my sister "go check on her" when she had missed lunch with a friend, did not answer the phone and when my nana and I arrived at my mom's the storm door waslocked from the inside. I (after much begging) took my nana to my sisters and we (my sister and I) went to "break in". My mother had been dead about 12 hours (I think from a PE at age 51). After I pulled my sister off my mother (she took to laying on her in the floor and screaming) and carried my sister over my shoulders (so she didn't go back to lay on her again) across the street to use the neighbor's phone. I called the local ALS squad to go with me (my nana had been admitted the prior week with a HR of 18 while they were "setting" her arm she'd broken after a fall) when I had to tell her my mom was dead, just in case. My nana had been a volunteer at the ambulance years before and I had worked there too - everyone loved nana.

A couple of dear friends had met my sister and I at the neighbor's (also a local minister), the ambo crew arrived and we went en masse to my sister's where my nana was waiting. My nana had been looking out the window and saw me, my friends cars and the ambulance. I ran out of the car to meet her on the sidewalk - I just grabbed her, held her and as she kept screaming, "Please don't say it" - I just cried and nodded. My loving precious nana then made a sound that is burned on my soul. Our friends stayed a while and the ambo crew left after an hour or so, just making sure nana was "okay".

It never gets easier - but, some are harder than others.

God Bless You.

:angel:

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I screamed when I found out my 31 yr old son had died. my husband told me later he never ever wanted to hear anything like that again. It is nothing but pure unadulterated primal hurt. He was in the front yard when I got the news and he said just the sound of it made him run as fast as he could to get to me. pure pain.

I didn't scream when my 18 year old son died. I couldn't. But the day I returned to the ED, I had to face parents who had just lost their 17 year old daughter when I came on shift. I don't know how I got through that. But there words, and the words and cries of every parent I've seen who lost their child resonates in me like an echo from my own past.

Wow, how horrible. My condolences go out to all on this board who have lost a child.

I know I totally flipped out when I found out that my older brother had died suddenly, at 32 years old, and I couldn't help the screaming that I was doing. It was like I was on an alternate plane. I wasn't with my mom when she found out, but I know my family, especially my poor parents, have been dealing with the extreme pain of losing him for 3 years now. I have often wondered how I would handle it if it was my daughter and I just don't know how I could go on, but my parents have been amazing examples to me. They keep on living life, and working toward being happy despite the pain they feel.

I think if you were to easily dismiss that kind of pain in a patient or patient's family, this would be the time for you to leave nursing. Responding to suffering, and feeling sad when you see horrible pain, makes you human. Please vent! And talk to someone, a friend or even a counselor, if you need to.

I am so sorry to hear about these deaths. It is never easy to lose a child. In fact, when I see my sweet son today, I plan to kiss all over his 23 year old self.