I've definitely found what's hardest for me - and it's when people really open up to me, especially ones that are not doing well. I had a patient this week who was freshly extubated and still in ICU because of heart rate instability, and I really bonded with her over the course of a couple of nights. She was intelligent and a great conversationist, a real gem among the sedated, the barely conscious, the delirious, and the detoxing patients I usually encounter. She told me that she had talked to me more in the past couple of nights than she had talked to her own family members, that she was really going to miss me when I was off work, and that she felt safe with me around. She wanted my address so she could keep in touch, but I explained to her that it was against hospital policy and I didn't want to get in trouble, but she was welcome to come up to the unit and say hello when she was better.
Maybe it's just how I'm programmed, but my patients expressing these heartfelt feelings of trust and attachment put the heaviest weights on me of all. Being responsible for someone's emotional well-being is so much more difficult for me than taking care of their bodies, and it feels like so much more responsibility. These are the types of days when I go home and can't sleep because I feel so overwhelmed.
I will be responsible for people's lives all day long, but please, please, please don't give me their hearts.
What parts of this job are hardest for you?