fetal demise

[Alibaba]

he was 32 wks old. beautiful baby boy with a head full of hair. Weighed in at 2lb 14oz, 16inches long. He made it through the most difficult time and had just 8 weeks left to come into this world. The mother was so excited to welcome another son, and the older brother couldnt wait to welcome his new brother home.

Working the previous noc shift, the mom noticed that the baby was less active and so drove right to ob/gyn's office the next day. Doppler did not pick up a heart beat so u/s was done confirming the bad news.

C/S was scheduled for the next morning to remove the baby.

He is my son whom I had named Ezekiel. The name means strength of God. I was soo looking forward to being his mom. Yet 3 days later, here I lie in bed. In pain from the surgery, with no baby to show for it. Cant play with my other son. i know i may be diving into depression and i will call my doc on monday, but I think I just wanted to share with someone right now before it eats me up. I keep thinking what I did wrong, could I have caught something earlier and saved his life? Maybe it was that cup of coffee I indulged in the other day. I knew I shouldnt have drunk it but did anyways. Or maybe I wasnt getting enough rest. I kept saying noc shift was killing me, but maybe it was really killing my son and I did not realize it

Everyone keeps saying there is a reason for everything, but maybe its too soon for me to consider that angle.

Maybe it will turn out that like his namesake Ezekiel in the Bible, he really was a prophet and his message to me is just not clear right now.

I guess really what am asking for is for the AN community to send good vibes my way.

[PrisonPsychRN]

I cannot even begin to imagine the loss, pain and heartbreak you are experiencing. I can only imagine the search for the why, the frustration of not knowing the answers. What I can imagine for you and pray for you and your little baby is being swept up in God's loving embrace and the feel of his

love and eventually the whisper of the answers your are searching for.

You and your family are in my prayers!

[Alibaba]

does any one know how to stop milk from coming in? My breasts have gone from a small C to a gigantic double E over night and they are killing me. I have ace wraps around them like someone suggested, but I can not seem to get control of this situation. I am getting frustrated.

[passion4people]

Hugs and prayers are sent your way. Somethings we cannot understand, but know that we are here for you. Trust that through prayer and the support of family and friends it will help you through this painful time. Don't be afraid to contact support group. Most of of all know that you did nothing wrong. It was your love, compassion, and intuition as a mother that something was wrong. I send my deepest regards on the loss of Ezekiel.God bless you and your family.

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what you are going through (I had two first tri miscarriages, but this in no way compares to your loss so far along).

Please believe that that is nothing you did, or could have done, to prevent this. Not the coffee, not the stress, nor anything else. Please don't blame yourself!

It is totally understandable that you feel so bad right now, but if you think you are getting seriously depressed, please get help.

Again, I'm so very sorry.

Keeping you in my thoughts, wishing you and your family the very best,

DeLana

[passion4people]

I do believe that there is medication that causes the milk to dry up.I don't remember the name. No stimulation and a good support bra. Hope you receive some relief.

[bsyrn, ASN, RN]

I am very sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

oh, sweetie, my heart aches for you. you remember when you had your first baby all about postpartum depression; you will still do that, and it will be worse because you'll have a better reason to cry. do that as much as you need to.

also, have your spouse or mom or nurse or somebody look up the contact for the compassionate friends in your area http://thecompassionatefriendsfw.com/. i'd do it now but i don't know where you are. they will help you.

[honeykrown, MSN, NP]

So sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to phantom what you are going through. Have a good cry. You need it but remember that has you have given him Ezekiel, God will definitely be your strength. He will give you the heart to bear it.

You are blessed. Hugs and kisses for your family

[bagladyrn, RN]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this loss. My thoughts and tears are with you. Please keep reminding yourself that it is absolutely nothing you have done which has caused this. Allow yourself all the time you need to grieve. There is no timeline by which you should be "getting over" anything. Be kind to yourself.

As for the physical symptoms in your breasts, talk to your provider about medical relief, but an old wives remedy which really does help is cabbage leaves. Keep them in the refrigerator and wrap over your breasts under your bra. Change when they wilt. This really may provide some relief of engorgement.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

:heartbeat:hug:

This is SO not fair. Believe me, I've walked that same road and cried, screamed, raged, and cursed Fate for taking my full-term daughter 27 years ago. But please, don't beat yourself up or blame anything you think you did or didn't do......it is such a waste of emotion, and the simple fact is the cause---if there even is one---will likely never be known.

Be gentle with yourself. You have just suffered the worst loss a human being can ever face, and it's going to take time, a lot of it, to heal. I still wonder what my Melissa would've been like if she'd lived.......who she would have grown up to be......what she would have done with her life. That never goes away, and life is never really the same after a loss like this. We get through it, even get past it; but we never, ever get over it.

So, don't listen to anyone who tries to minimize your loss---you need time to grieve properly before you can move on. Don't try to put all the bad feelings away too soon, either; the grief will come roaring back when you least expect it if you don't give yourself the chance to experience the natural mourning process. As suggested above, you might want to join The Compassionate Friends or another grief support group; but there are a number of us here who have been through what you're going through, and we are here if you need us.

I am so sorry about the loss of your beautiful Ezekiel. My heart literally hurts for you in your sorrow, and I will be praying that the Lord will reach out His comforting hand to you in the dark days ahead.

[chybabe]

I am so sorry for your loss. The lord is your strength.Take heart!!!

[merlee]

You did nothing wrong. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Nothing. Truly. Do not blame yourself for even one more minute. Although you may never know the cause of the demise, it has nothing to do with anything you may or may not have done.

Please join a support group. Do not try to fight the depression on your own; you need to recognize that this is a special and terrible situation that may take months to resolve.

Try to remember that although you may be suffering the most, your other family members are also affected. Draw closer to them if you can; they may need to be near you.

Reconsider the use of a name. You may later regret that you cannot use this name later.

As hard as it may be to think of this now, do not wait long to try again. In fact, if you can connect well with your S.O., start again as soon as your doc says it's okay. And talk to your doc about meds that may help your milk dry up.

Please know that many people love you. Best wishes.