Families (May Be Offensive)

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in HIV/AIDS, Dementia, Psych.

I have a patient with a pilonidal cust on her sacrum. It has gotten quite a bit larger since her admission due to her total non-compliance with treatments, diet, fluid restriction, and pressure relief. Yesterday, it was noted to have a swollen area around it and when she was examined by the doc, he noted excessive purulent drainage escaping the area upon application of pressure. He concluded that it was infected and he started her on ABT.

Today, this woman's husband, who is in his 40's comes in for a visit. He goes down the hallway to her room and after a few minutes I hear them arguing. His voice becomes louder and louder and then I hear him mumbling under his breath while he is walking toward me at the nurse's station. He says (I am quoting and if you are easily offended stop reading here!), 'What's going on with my wife's a**?' I say, 'Sir, why don't you discuss that with your wife once your mood has improved.' Now, his wife is wheeling down the hall toward me yelling at him to keep quiet. He then says 'My wife has a big hole in her a**, are you aware of this?' Keep in mind he is yelling...kind of bellowing. I tell him I am going to call my supervisor. He then yells 'I don't need the f***ing supervisor! My wife has a hole in her a**!! Am I supposed to f*** it?! Do you want me to put my d*** in it?!' I was FLABBERGASTED!! What is wrong with people! Now, I have him yelling like a moron, his wife crying, me standing there in shock and some other staff and residents right there with me listening to this crap!

In the end, I called the supervisor who appeased him as is done these days due to the 'customer is always right' attitude that now exists in healthcare. He told my supervisor that I told him to quiet down and that I wasn't going to tolerate his behavior. He told her that I asked him to leave (I did do all of the above) and later she tells me I shouldn't have said any of that. She told me he has a right to complain! WHAT?!?!?!?!? Yes, he has a right to complain, but I have rights too! So do the other residents! I sure wish things would turn around. Sometimes I feel that this profession is too much.

Thanks for listening, I feel a little better now...:)

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

The "customer" perhaps does have a right to complain. He has her husband could have been offered an appropriate explanation, by his wife, of the procedure, and you perhaps might have answered some questions as to why the area appears as it does.

However to abuse the staff by using such profanity and yelling in the hallway is in appropirate and that type of person needs to be escorted out of the building by security.

Shame on your supervisor for not being supportive. I would be angry too. I would have to put in writing perhaps through an email a letter to my manager explaining my side of the story. Might open a can of worms, but I always have to have my two cents listened two. :)

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Specializes in Critical Care.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

I guess it takes all kinds. Just be glad this A#$ isn't your husband!

Noney

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

That's a crock of crap! If I were you, I'd have called the supervisor in when I heard the patient and her spouse arguing, and then I'd have called SECURITY to throw the bum out. No way should you have put up with that kind of behavior, and your supervisor should have backed you up. The other patients didn't need to hear that either.....what about THEIR right not to listen to this "customer's" filthy mouth?!

I'm sorry this happened to you.:o I hope you'll take this further up the chain of command if you can't resolve this with the supervisor, and that next time you have to deal with someone like him you get some back-up.........they don't pay you anywhere near enough to put up with that kind of garbage.

As the famous sjoe says: we will get exactly as much crap as we will take.:(

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

If you haven't already, sit down and write out (very objectively!) exactly what was said (ugly words and all). Then I'd take it to whomever is over that supervisor.

*He* has a right to complain? *He* isn't the patient! What about *her* right to privacy??? What about *your* right, *her* right, and the rights of the others in earshot not to have to listen to the vulgar language? If he has a legitimate complaint about something, fine, but there is a way to do that.

IMO, he was totally inappropriate, and you were right to ask him to be quiet and to leave until he got himself under control. You were also standing up for his wife's right to privacy- obviously she did not wish for him to be discussing her very personal problem loudly, in public, and in vulgar terms!

I think the supervisor was wrong, wrong, wrong, and I'd pursue that. I'd heavily emphasize the poor distressed *patient* as the supervisor seems to have totally overlooked that part of it!

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I'd make out an incident report and quote the guy verbatim and send it to risk management so that it is on record.

Why would anyone in their right mind ask those last two questions in the first place?

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

I agree with the previous poster that you should write everything down (ugly words and all) and take this matter up with the appropriate manager/administrator. Don't forget to include the fact that the patient was unhappy with her husband's behavior and that other patients and visitors were also effected.

Your supervisor should have backed you up on this one. I would ask administration for some guidelines as to what the staff is supposed to do with inappropriate/angry/out of control/potentially dangerous behavior on the part of visitors and patients. If you are not happy with the guidelines they suggest, then you might not want to work there.

llg

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
Originally posted by HerEyes73

Today, this woman's husband, who is in his 40's comes in for a visit. He goes down the hallway to her room and after a few minutes I hear them arguing. His voice becomes louder and louder and then I hear him mumbling under his breath while he is walking toward me at the nurse's station. He says (I am quoting and if you are easily offended stop reading here!), 'What's going on with my wife's a**?' I say, 'Sir, why don't you discuss that with your wife once your mood has improved.' Now, his wife is wheeling down the hall toward me yelling at him to keep quiet. He then says 'My wife has a big hole in her a**, are you aware of this?'

Of course she has a BIG hole in her orifice-and a big crack in it too......I am with the others-write this incident up and take it to the top.Behavior like that should not be condoned in anyway....and the other resident's rights were violated,too.Sounds like she needs an I and D..and a divorce....
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Specializes in HIV/AIDS, Dementia, Psych.

Thanks guys! I know I can always count on you all for support! :D

Does anyone else ever think about the fact that it's not only the 'job' and what it entails that is so exhausting, but moreso the lack of support? Why is it that when I come here and rant, everyone is on my side and understands me, yet when things happen at work, things are always twisted to make *me* look wrong?!

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Sounds like she needs an I and D..and a divorce....

I agree ktwlpn! hehehe.

I would have to put in writing perhaps through an email a letter to my manager explaining my side of the story. Might open a can of worms, but I always have to have my two cents listened two.

Tweety...I'm the same way and I plan on taking your (and a few other poster's) suggestion and put this all in writing to be sent to the appropriate higher-up!

Why would anyone in their right mind ask those last two questions in the first place?

cannoli...That's precisely what I was thinking!

Just be glad this A#$ isn't your husband!

Noney..I sure am!!

Thanks again to all for the kind ear...:D

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
Originally posted by HerEyes73

Does anyone else ever think about the fact that it's not only the 'job' and what it entails that is so exhausting, but moreso the lack of support? Why is it that when I come here and rant, everyone is on my side and understands me, yet when things happen at work, things are always twisted to make *me* look wrong?!

Isn't that the truth? I was talking to the nurse that followed me on Sunday about the very same thing...I am the new charge nurse on this unit and am getting a new charge nurse at the conjoining unit soon.We have talked and hope to set an example in this facility...We will help each other and support each other...we've sworn to it......What a great group we would all be if the allnurse's group did work together..(.Not at that mythical hospital in that other thread-I don't want to just "pass meds" all day.....)
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OMG!!!!!

I don't know what I would have done. Instead of listening to his filthy mouth, I probably would have walked away and immediately let the supervisor deal with him.

It would have been nice when he asked why his wife had a hole in her _ _ _, to be able to say "well, most people do."

:chuckle

jules

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Specializes in ED staff.

somebody here has a quote that says something like "being a good nurse and being a good employ have opposite meanings"

seems like this has happened to you. you did what you were supposed to do with someone irate. you stated your limits on his behavior and you were nice to him. he was the one that was rude. he should have been removed for his behavior and only allowed to return after cooling down and apologizing to you...yeah like that's gonna happen. that is one thing i like about being in theED, our security folks take excellent care of us. he woulda been outta there. just know that not just I think you did the right thing, i ahvent seen one posting saying you did wrong.

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