Do Not Enter - No Boys Allowed; Setting Boundaries - page 2

DO NOT ENTER - NO BOYS ALLOWED!!! As a child, my family took yearly vacations to a location that was more than 1,000 miles away. That meant many long hours in the car, sharing the back seat with... Read More

  1. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    0
    Quote from SoundofMusic
    I'm having a terrible time setting boundaries w/ a tech of ours. She just won't do her work, pushes crap onto us, we go home late, she sits and takes her lunches and breaks anytime she wants ....people go to the boss about her, but somehow she is allowed to be this way due to her long term employment status . ..and we nurses just have to put up w/ it. I mean -- I have NO PROBLEM telling her the problems I have w/ her .. .the problem is .. .it will do no good and she will turn ppl against me and/or make my life even more miserable. She's a little tyrant ...and I can't stand her.

    Sounds like quite the manipulator with no boundaries. And the management is letting her get away with it, therefore they are compounding the problem. They also have boundary issues. Unfortunately you are the one bearing the burden. What would happen if you left when you were supposed to leave? I don't know what type of job you work in, but have you approached the boss's boss?
  2. Visit  red2003xlt profile page
    0
    I'm a 41 male nursing student (December graduation yeah!). I've been back into a corner a couple of times by female CNA's; thankfully they respected my wedding ring..

    I do love when my instructors talk about the "male prerogative" ...ugh
  3. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    1
    Quote from red2003xlt
    I'm a 41 male nursing student (December graduation yeah!). I've been back into a corner a couple of times by female CNA's; thankfully they respected my wedding ring..

    I do love when my instructors talk about the "male prerogative" ...ugh

    Luckily your ring is a boundary they understand and respect.
    Chin up likes this.
  4. Visit  Thunda profile page
    3
    This is a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I am a male nursing student, and while I realize you didn't "mean to" make this post about gender inequities or reverse sexism, it seems to be something that exists under the surface.

    In Clinicals I always get set up with Male Patients.
    In discussion in class comments like "the nurse notices that she needs to ..." come up very often.
    When talking about Doctors they're always refereed to as "he"

    -Is there any other area of work besides Medical that is still this polarized AND entrenched?

    One would think that all the feministic rage would be tempered by at least a partial sensitivity when it swings the other way but I get a sense that I will never be allowed in a birthing center as a nurse.

    Yes... I realize that sexism swings both ways and some people think it's only fair that it happens to men from time to time (I've actually been told that a few times in discussing this with fellow students and co-workers)

    Male CNAs are always called upon for difficult transfers, what happens when there aren't any men around, does the patient not get cared for? (You may say, "Well I've never done that", but my back says you may haven't but others have) When put in a position over females, in my experience, I have to use kid-gloves at all times so I don't get complaints of being a bossy guy who thinks less of women and just orders them around. I've actually been called sexist and a chauvinist for having the gaul to remind in a polite manner a co-worker that forgot to take out the garbage after her shift (she worked 1st, I was coming on as 2nd shift) after grinning, bearing it and doing it myself for months because I didn't want to make waves, two days later I'm in a counseling session because I apparently cannot communicate effectively, it's my fault, and I'm written up for it because she played the sex-card and my side of the story was ignored, wasn't even on the counciling form I had to sign (which I refused to until they added my side of the story). Yes I know it's possible that it's a facility specific issue, but really it's not because I, and other males, have had the same issues at all the places I've worked at as a caregiver, and in conversations with the other 2 males in my class at school.

    I'm black, I HATE affirmative action, but in the case of Males working in Nursing there is a real issue with discrimination and separate standards thus far in my 5 years of CNA work and 1 year of nursing school... I really pray it will get better.

    p.s. I apologize if this seems random and not very organized, been making note cards for 3 hours now and caught this on a break and felt compelled to respond... back to it
    kaliRN, Altra, and itthybitthythpider like this.
  5. Visit  *LadyJane* profile page
    2
    Chin up, what was the name of the book? I feel like I need some help in this area, having been raised in a strong Christian family, where we were always taught to be of service to others...
    GooeyRN and itthybitthythpider like this.
  6. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    0
    I'm glad you took time out of your "note card making session" to respond.

    Unfortunately, gender discrimination is still alive and kicking in 2011. People will use it to try to trample on your boundaries. It sounds like you have set some good boundaries and have acted to maintain them. Sadly, you can only change the way you react to these kinds of situations and can't change the root of the problem. Females in the business world have to face similar situations. Not that it makes you feel any better. But, some things take a long time to change. Hang in there and stand your ground.
  7. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    3
    Quote from *LadyJane*
    Chin up, what was the name of the book? I feel like I need some help in this area, having been raised in a strong Christian family, where we were always taught to be of service to others...
    One of the best books I have read on boundaries is called "Boundaries - When to Say Yes, When to Say No". It was written with a biblical perspective of boundaries. Like you, many Christians have been taught it is wrong to say no. This book tells how to take control of your life by setting boundaries.
    tralalaRN, Chin up, and *LadyJane* like this.
  8. Visit  APN Under Construction profile page
    0
    Sounds like an interesting topic to explore, based on the responses given. Have you considered doing a concept analysis of "boundaries?"
  9. Visit  itthybitthythpider profile page
    0
    I have boundry issues, too. I'm also the "can't say no" type. I'm getting better at is, since I'm in a more managerial position. I've had nurses ask me what to do, and when I tell them, they then turn around and ask me to do it for them! I understand they are busy, but I've got work to do, too! But I feel horribly guilty for saying no. And I can never say no to overtime or extra shifts.... Even when they don't want to pay me for it.

    I do have more solid boundaries with it comes to working off the clock, though, because that impacts more than just myself. It means that the company doesn't have to look at the work load for the nurses and the nurses are working too many hours and moral goes down and all of that impacts patient care.
  10. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    3
    Quote from itthybitthythpider
    I have boundry issues, too. I'm also the "can't say no" type. I'm getting better at is, since I'm in a more managerial position. I've had nurses ask me what to do, and when I tell them, they then turn around and ask me to do it for them! I understand they are busy, but I've got work to do, too! But I feel horribly guilty for saying no. And I can never say no to overtime or extra shifts.... Even when they don't want to pay me for it.

    I do have more solid boundaries with it comes to working off the clock, though, because that impacts more than just myself. It means that the company doesn't have to look at the work load for the nurses and the nurses are working too many hours and moral goes down and all of that impacts patient care.

    Regarding the section which I highlighted......are these nurses "repeat offenders"? If so, they are manipulating you. They know you can't say no. They will continue to do this as long as you let them, and that really does no one any favors in the long run.......especially you. The word will get out that you are a softie and others will do the same. You are going to get burned out and your resentment will build up. Saying no is not always wrong. In this case, not saying no is wrong.

    Thanks for posting.
  11. Visit  Chin up profile page
    2
    Quote from tnbutterfly
    One of the best books I have read on boundaries is called "Boundaries - When to Say Yes, When to Say No". It was written with a biblical perspective of boundaries. Like you, many Christians have been taught it is wrong to say no. This book tells how to take control of your life by setting boundaries.
    LadyJane,

    This is the book, that changed my perspective on boundaries...excellent!

    Peace!
    *LadyJane* and tnbutterfly like this.
  12. Visit  tnbutterfly profile page
    1
    Quote from Chin up
    LadyJane,

    This is the book, that changed my perspective on boundaries...excellent!

    Peace!

    As I was reading that book, I wondered........Where in the world has this book been??? I should've read this years and years ago!!! I too, have given it or recommended it to several people.

    I think it should be required reading for anyone going into nursing. Because nurses are generally compassionate and caring people.....the kind who take care of everyone but themselves, they are more prone to feel guilty about saying no, more apt to have their boundaries trampled upon.
    *LadyJane* likes this.
  13. Visit  *LadyJane* profile page
    1
    I ordered this book. I think that if I had better boundaries, then I'd be much less likely to be treated like a doormat, when I have tried to be a good Christian and help everyone. Thanks so much for this recommendation.

    jane
    tnbutterfly likes this.

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