Dear Nurses: Please Forgive Me - page 4
Dear floor, ED and ICU nurses, Please forgive me. I know he's dying. I get it. I do. We were told five years. Five years on an outlier and he would be gone. We were told transplant was an... Read More
Oct 2, '12Tears & hugs!! This post is hitting me hard right now. A dear man who has been like a grandfather to my oldest son is on hospice & nearing the end. He's my sister's father-in-law & I've known him all my life. On top of that, Thursday, 10-4, will be 6 yrs since losing my own father. We lost him suddenly in an accident, no warnings, no goodbyes & our family has never been the same. The pain never goes away; it just dulls for a while until something happens to tear the wound wide open again.
Peace & love
Oct 2, '12Thank you for sharing your heart.
Know that to let another see your heart is the real mark of courage.
Know you are braver than you think.
Know it really is ok to be afraid.
know you are enough as is.
I hear your struggle.
Time perhaps, to allow yourself a little peace.
Rest in the knowledge you have done your best.
The deepest feelings often do not require words.
To simply be present together as a witness to each other's love.
There is no rush.
You are doing beautifully.
May you feel loved.
Oct 2, '12Quote from CheesePotatoTo those who have responded and have suffered a loss of their own:
My deepest condolences. Of all the things I wish would build camaraderie, how I wish it didn't have to be something like this.
Do not apologize for the length of your post. Your words were perfect and your story a sharing of your courageous heart. When others would withdraw, you returned and that, my friend, is the very hallmark of integrity. Believe me when I say they remember you, even if your name has faded from their minds.
And no, there is no clean cut way for this to progress. He, himself, is no longer sure how he wishes his care to continue and in what manner. Advocacy when the answers are cut and dry is easy. Advocacy when the wishes vacillate from day to day is a nightmare. And I will do nothing if not carry out his desires, be it intubation and suspension of life or a place in Hospice.
If I fail to uphold his desires, what good am I?
After all, it is not our place as nurses to pass judgment on the progression of care; rather, it is our place to uphold those choices, protect, guard, and keep them when everyone else shies away--regardless of our personal hang-ups and beliefs. I speak for those whose voice is silenced.
I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees.
Inappropriate humor is inappropriate.
I....I am so sorry.
It what we nurses do best...laugh in the face of adversity. After my Dad coded.....we waited with baited breath. The hardest and the most loving thing my sisters and I did (all nurses).....we let him go.
Oct 3, '12Oh my I cried and cried and cried... This letter hit home hard. Thank you for sharing such an emotional piece of your life. I felt as if I could have written it myself... Thank you.
Oct 3, '12Thank you very much for sharing as I know it was hard. I knew 20 yrs ago that I wanted to be a nurse but it was never my time. Fast forward 2004 my beautiful mother dies from pancreatic cancer. My sisters & helped our step father every day to take care of her. 2006 my other beautiful mother (stepmom) dies from pancreatic cancer. Again, my sisters & I help our father take care of her. 2008 I fly to NJ with my oldest sister & after 15 minutes with our aunt, she dies from pancreatic cancer. I felt like I was literally being suffocated. In 2009 I lost my house to a short sale & started nursing school. It took 20 yrs & the loss of my foundation to finally learn that I must follow my heart for me. On Feb 2011 I graduated as an LVN & although I have a long road ahead of me to my MSN, I have no doubt I will get there. I miss them every day & I would give anything to just hear how proud they must feel. The daughter they were afraid may never grow up did but it was after they left.
Oct 3, '12Dearest CP,
"Eloquent" does not even begin to describe your missive. Having been in your shoes to a particular degree, I, too, get it. Please believe me that after 25 years, it DOES get better; the painful edges aren't quite so sharp and the thoughts of your fathers aren't every moment, but still every day.
Praying for you and yours - keep your chin up as best as you can. You have a lot of friends and colleagues out here.
Oct 3, '12I gotta stop reading you, CP. Your words are so ... transformative ... I can hardly stand it.
Never stop writing. I will never stop reading.
Oct 3, '12Great article! It is soooo much different to be the family, I watched as my Dad sat waiting and waiting and waiting to have SOMETHING done when his HGB had dropped to 4 and he had the most awful skin color I've ever seen on a LIVING person. In all fairness they were working on getting him a blood transfusion but it felt like nothing was happening, he needed to be transferred to a different facility and it was taking forever. I wanted to scream and tell someone to get him outta here and on his way to where he needs to be. I knew they were doing all they could and we had to wait for the other hospital to accept.
Oct 3, '12Thank you for your kind words, CheesePotato. Please know that my heart is with you and your family.
Oct 3, '12Enlightening as well as heart felt, thank you for sharing this post with all of us... Aloha~