Haven't posted in a while.
Background, came down with mono last year had to drop a semester. Husband left in middle of all of this and I pushed to get back into school the following semester, however son has a mood disorder and was kicked out of day care. Husband pays child support but refuses to help with child care. I was officially out of money and had to drop again due to child care. My program has a 2 drops and you're out policy, so I am in the process of looking for another program as soon as I pay off the supplies I purchased from the bookstore (which would have been paid for with financial aide that does not come now).
Seriously considering the PA program getting started here next year when son is in school full time, as I already have an undergrad and only need orgo and stats to do in.
Anyway...I work as an aide currently and do night shift. It enables me to be home during the week when they are with me and on weekends they go to their dad's. However,
It is killing me.
I feel like I have chronic fatigue many days. I cannot pull myself out of bed to do anything other than shoo them to the bus and make the requisite lunches. (Once I actually slept through the bus for my son at 12:30 and had to send a note saying he was sick). Then when I finally feel rested it is evening, and I am unable to sleep all night.
I know there is medication for shift workers. However when going to the doctor to talk about it, I was simply told "You have an option to work night shift. Stopping nights is the only thing that will work."
Excuse me crazy doctor lady who's job is not open 24/7 and who gets a 6 digit salary to my barely 2 digit salary...no. I don't. Working days would necessitate child care, and I can say goodbye to furthering my education. There's no way to work during the day as all the local programs are during daytime hours. There's also that problem of childcare and no money to pay for someone who can deal with my son. Right now, I cannot work days. It's just not possible.
So, what do I do? I feel useless as a mother. I have a lot of guilt for not spending time with them due to my intense exhaustion levels. And my current doctor won't take me serious. If I still lived where I lived when I had mono I would go back to that doctor, but I don't, and he's out on extended medical leave so driving the hour plus is not worth it. I followed his instructions as best as I could with a missing spouse and three kids with influenza (yes we were all vaccinated that year to no avail) and stayed in bed as much as possible. I've felt pretty good for a while, except this sleep thing.