Crazy Thing Pts Say or Do - page 4

I thought it would be fun to share those crazy things pt say/do that just make you roll your eyes and say "HUH?" Here's mine. We have a patient who is allergic to the "round" tylenol, but... Read More

  1. by   Bozzie
    I used to work in Dialysis and had one lovely little 84 yr old Italian lady who came in for her treatment with a horrible cough. Concerned that she had pneumonia, I gave her a sputum specimen cup and asked her for a sputum specimen when she came back for her next treatment. Well, next treatment she comes in looking kind of sheepish and handed me the cup saying, "I'm sorry, I tried and tried but I just couldn't bring up a sperm sample for you." Gotta love that one.
  2. by   lapollonaris
    Similar thing happened to me before with a very confused patient. The call bell would ring every 2 minutes, she'd be out in the hall.... and its not like staff wasnt nearly living in that room... anyway, she called 911 and asked them to have the police come up because she wasnt getting anyone to change her television.


    It takes me 15 minutes to get her back in bed. I come to the desk and a co-worker says, "You have a phone call". I am authoritatively asked, "What's your name". The conversation went on for about 1-2 minutes when I realized she had called the police! She gave them the hospital name, my name, room number and department. She was trying to convince him that I was trying to kill her!!!! Only after torturing her!!!
    We laughed so hard, my stomach muscles were sore the next am.[/QUOTE]
  3. by   allantiques4me
    oh yeah!I forgot about this one.I was working in an assisted living center for alzheimer clients.One of the ederly gentlemen was sitting next to an elderly woman.He looks up at me all serious and stated( about the woman),"Thats the best D@$m looking corpse I have ever seen!OMG it was so funny.Poor woman
  4. by   southern_rn_brat
    Oh this thread made me remember Mabel


    I worked in LTC (still do lol) and it was my first job. One day I went in to see mabel and she was upset. She told me she was pregnant. You can imagine my suprise when I asked her who the father was and she told me she didnt know. She said "how am I going to tell my kids". I said "your kids? how am I going to tell your GRANDKIDS?" lol

    I swear we had to get the doc to pretend to do a pregancy test on her to convince her she wasnt pregnant.

    Mabel was probably about 85 at the time. lol


    Another day Mabel got mad at us "kids" (she thought the staff were all kids, sometimes we were her grandkids lol). She was mad at us because we had left the porch light on (it was the hall light that never went out lol). She told me that we were running her electric bill up and she wasnt putting up with it anymore and she told me that she knew we let "those" boys in the house too. (male staff members lol). So at that time, she called us into her room one at a time and promptly fired everyone of us! She told me "take those keys from around your neck and go home" lmao. (the nurses wore our keys on a neck chain thing) I swear I was dying lol and she fired EVERYBODY lol
  5. by   southern_rn_brat
    oh and then there was John. lol omg

    He was a new admit to the LTC. I admitted him on the evening shift and then came back in on the day shift the next morning.

    730 in the morning I am outside his room, with my back to his door, getting his meds together. All the sudden there was a trash can on my head, someone SLAMMED it down on my head and said "there! i finally got the ******"

    it was john omg hahaha thank God and greyhound that housekeeping had cleaned his room allready and emptied the trash!!!



    I changed jobs a few months later and about a month after that his wife moved him to my new facility. He would get up all night long and we couldnt control him until one of the night nurses found out he was a retired senator. after that the nurse would tell him he had session in the morning and needed his rest and john would go to bed! lol

    The first time I saw him when he came to my new facility I yelled OMG HIDE THE TRASH CAN
  6. by   southern_rn_brat
    ok one more and I'll quit lol

    My husband was a CNA when I met him. One night he was taking care of his favorite demented patient. He stood him up and was changing his pants. When my hubby pulled his pants down, the patient said "you are a FINE american!"




    When my husband couldnt get this patient to sleep he would call me (in the middle of the night lol) and give the patient the phone. I would talk to him forever lol. We had some of the best conversations about absolutely nothing because he had dememtia lol. My husband would leave him with the phone talking to me and come back later and get him to get off the phone and go to bed lol. we talked so many times that after a while the patient had no idea who I was but he knew my voice on the phone and would ask me how I was or what I was doing lol. sometimes he would just hand my hubby the phone to dial the number. He was so funny!




    and his roommate thought we were still in WWII and lined up balls of BM on his bed and thought they were grenades.
  7. by   southern_rn_brat
    no wait I have one more lol

    Recently had a patient in for therapy. he was definitely a hoot. I took him out to smoke one day and we got to talking about him being in prison. I knew he had been in for money laundering. He tells me this long story about prison and how he was in Alcatraz and was there when it closed. he told me stories and even named men he'd been in there with. It freaked me out. He told me stories about using tommy guns for the mob.

    I told the other staff something like "omg be nice to him he was in alcatraz!!!"

    I want you to know he was lying and didnt tell me the truth for 6 months I took him out to smoke one day and he just started dying laffing and told me he had lied to me and that I had believed him so much that he let me believe it for months. lol

    I whacked him on his head lol
  8. by   DebRN06
    One of my favorites...

    At a LTC a LOL wheels herself over to me, grabs my hand and folds up my sleeves with such care (they were a bit too long, covering most of my hand). So cute...that motherly instinct that never goes away!!

    Well...go downstairs (honestly 2 minutes later) and there's little old Charlie who immediately asks me, in his very loud voice, "Are you horny?!?"

    Ohhh...some things never change!!!
  9. by   rnsrgr8t
    I work in a pediatric incontinence clinic. I was trying to get a history from a mother on a new patient of ours. It was the end of a busy day, I was a little frazzled. She was telling me that her daughter had wetting accidents. I asked her if she wet during the day or during the night. This Mom looked at me and said, "she wets in between day and night". WHAT??? Is there another time of day that I do not know about??? I tried clarifying this like 3 times and she kept saying it over and over. We finally had to make her do a diary so we could see what this child was doing. And just for the record, this child had nocturnal enuresis and daytime urge incontinence. She was wet day and night so I still have no idea what this Mom was trying to tell me.
  10. by   ann945n
    I have a great story! I worked in LTC in a locked down alzheimers ward. We had this family that would come in to visit their mother, very "holy then thou" type of personalitly always critizing and complaining ect, how wonderful their kids are, winning noble peace prizes uhhh not to mention their mother was a hand full and shouldnt have been living there...anyhow this family is visiting their mother (daughter and son) and the son is well lets say very very very large and not to nice looking, im walking down the hall with my fav resident very quiet and sweet but was very HOH, we walk by this son and the resident yells very loudly "thats the largest women I have ever seen!!" I cant help but laugh so hard, when i finally come to i point out to her that it was a man!!! best feeling ever!
  11. by   lovingtheunloved
    I just aspirated a cookie laughing at this thread! Every time I tell "Tales From the Unit" to people who are not nurses, they are either very confused or horrified that I think it's funny.

    I had a resident who was very combative during care, but I usually cared for her alone rather than getting help, because more people agitated her more, and never really helped anyway. She was being particularly good while I was changing her one day, and as I was putting one of her shoes back on, she picked up the other one and whacked me upside the head with it. HARD. I had tread marks on my cheek for half an hour.

    This same resident was a holy terror in the shower. The RN on my unit had helped me shower her one day, and when I turned the shower off, she hightailed it out of the room butt naked and wet. We managed to get her somewhat dry and her dress over her head, but the shoes weren't happening. We wound up with the RN sitting in a chair with the resident on her lap while I put the shoes on. The hair didn't get combed for a long time.
  12. by   stanne
    My brother tells of a bed bound old man yelling for help one night not long after checking him on the night round. When they came into the room there is a dementia old lady standing butt naked next to his bed asking "won't someone give me a baby?" Laughed for quite a while after that one.

    Going to roll a lady with a hip replacement one day she wouldn't let us place the abduction pillow in place. when asked why she said 'My mother always taught me to keep my legs together.'
  13. by   HappyICVRN
    After years of working in the ER I think this is the best I have ever heard. After giving pt IV anti-emetics and or pain medication, the pt would call me to the room requesting more medication because "I threw up the other medicine. " Took a while to convince the pt that the medication that was injected IV did in no way end up in their stomach. It happened with more than one pt in more than one hospital.

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