Bullies in the workplace - page 7

Being a non-confrontational person I always wondered why I had such difficulty staying in a position for more than 2 years. My usual reason for leaving is a hostile work environment-backstabbers,... Read More

  1. by   ST_NURSE_MLD
    Night Owl,

    I agree. Let's band together and force them OUT... Currently, I'm a student nurse; however, I have worked in the corporate environment for many years. I don't like office bullies and ususally find myself taking up for those they tourment. People just don't realize that the ones you tourment are "sometimes" the ones that walk into the unit with a hand gun.
  2. by   Nurse Nanna
    After re-reading my post, I will offer my apologies to any of you whose toes I may have stepped on. Maybe I went a little over-board on making a point. I LOVE nursing and I LOVE JESUS (both of which are Personal choices) and depend on him heavily to 'get me through' most days. This is NOT a religion site and Donny and I were unknowingly or unwittingly using it as a personal conversation site. It is not and was not a good thing to have a personal conversation where many others were 'exposed' to it. My mistake; and, at my age, I should have thought it through. You know, the old, think before you speak. I do appreciate the input and response from all of you. Although I know how it was meant, and I'm familiar with all the parties involved and the situation at hand, everyone out there in nurseland doesn't have personal knowledge and I can see how it was misinterpreted and or offensive to. At the least, I can and do apologize for any misunderstanding, misinterpretation, or mistranslation of the post and do accept responsibility for my part in not "making clear" some of the things I wrote. It was not "a personal thing" to any of you. I DO NOT push religion at work, or anywhere else. I witness by habit - like lots of other things we grow up with, it's habit. And that, I WILL NOT apologize for. If someone says something to me I take offense at, I simply say: "that offends me"- that's all it takes, "that offends me".
    HAVE A GREAT DAY AND HAPPY NURSING!
  3. by   caroladybelle
    Originally posted by kdo6905
    Can we all agree that bullying, backstabbing and gossiping happens in nursing because it is dominated by women? It's like a big hen house. And I agree, it occurs in all workplaces. Not just in nursing. It's a woman thang, not just a nursing thang.
    No , we do not agree on this. I spent over 10 years in a male dominated segment of the Business world, and can personally attest to men being just as mean, nasty and downright evil as women. And they can be just as kind and wonderful as women, also.

    Goodness can exist in human kind just as bullying does. It is a HUMAN Trait.

    As far as bullying goes. I have little trouble with it as I will not put up with it. Simply find the right ploy. Most bullies feel weakened or inadequate in some way. Find some way to build them up or help them improve upon that trait, and make them feel better about themselves in a constructive manner, and they stop being bullies. Of course, it takes a little more time and skill than treating them like vipers/satan's disciple but it is much more useful in the long run. This works with about 90% of them, the rest, you just go about your business and ignore them. As a traveler, I gain respect by utilizing these techniques. It also keeps me on track.

    I also find the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you works nicely". So if you treat them like vipers...well, what do you expect?

    Respectfully,

    Carolina (no, she doesn't know Jesus because she's not a Christian) in the City
    Last edit by caroladybelle on Jul 23, '03
  4. by   Nurse Nanna
    I strongly agree that IT IS NOT "A Woman Thang" - I too worked in a male dominated environment for 17 years and they can be the worst manipulators, backstabbers and downright bullies ever known. They go home and take it out on the wife and kids.
    And, I feel that someone else needs to re read her posts and look at the contradictions - Talk about a bully, hmmmm. I disagree that treating a bully as you would like to be treated will change them; it does not always work, not even 90% of the time. Been there tried that. It has worked on some, but not on all or even most. Sometimes, people are just who they are, and you gotta make the best of it, whatever the best may be for the particular situation and depending on the seriousness of it. And as far as you being a traveler, I totally respect what you do; that is a tough job. I have a very dear friend who travels and she "ignores" the bullies unless it becomes necessary to "take the bull by the horns" as she puts it. But travelers are in a different situation from permanent staff, and when you are only a few weeks here and a few weeks there, it is different from being bombarded month after month with no end in sight. Plus, travelers get a lot more support and respect from the administration. You are right in the respect that once you take it head on it USUALLY does stop, but there is always an exception to every rule. This particular person, who was quite a bit younger than me, was a very unhappy, miserable person. I tried to befriend her, I tried the "build her self-esteem" thing with compliments on her new hair do, her shoes, her new eyeglasses, her techniques and knowlege; and I tried the "teach me what you know" thing (because I had watched her work and she was truly a very good nurse, knowledgable and thorough-I was a new nurse and I was very impressed with her skills and wanted to be good at it too-she snubbed me and said things like "you want to be a nurse? hmmm, would look at her friend and they'd laugh out loud-I thought I must have missed something and would ask "did I miss something?" Again, laugh and walk off.) For the most part, we did work well together for about two months and always worked great together in a crisis. When I was put in the charge position, unknowingly, that she wanted and possibly thought she was going to get, it made her angry; but instead of going to admin, she took it out on me. Through managers observation, etc. I was selected for that position - I didn't even want it, I was too new and inexperienced but due to my age and "life experience" and the way I "handled" myself, the facilities three managers, asst. managers, DON, and Admin talked me into a "give it a trial." For whatever reason, she couldn't have had the position anyway, but she was angry that "a new nurse" got it and she and some of the other nurses had a # of years experience. I am the type of person to exhaust all other means of resolve before I go to extremes. My gosh, I raised 6 children, 4 of whom are military, two now retired and two currently officers in the USMC. At any rate, I wrote an apology post to the earlier one that offended many people including yourself, but I guess you either haven't read it yet or maybe choose not to. I wish you success in your nursing career and hope you NEVER have to endure the type of "bullying" that I am talking about. This is a woman who got together with her 'friend' and filed fraudulent complaints with the 'hotline' and the Board of Nursing and the 'friend' was given the option to resign or be fired for her part in the fraud. This was over a 3 month long investigation that was costly, nerve-racking, and time consuming. All because she was "angry" at ????? No one did anything to her. She apparently had something in her past record that kept her from being able to be in a leadership position. Like I said, none of my business and I never repeated it until today. But, I went straight to her and asked if we could talk. "NOPE!!" How would you handle that. I AM open, totally.
  5. by   Furball
    Originally posted by caroladybelle
    [Carolina (no, she doesn't know Jesus because she's not a Christian) in the City [/B]

    haha Carolina ... I'm a horns on the head, evil viper, devil's disciple (I'm agnostic)...but that apparently isn''t a "mean" comment so I guess I'll just chuckle over it .:chuckle
  6. by   dawngloves
    Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
    "And you exclude yourself from this category" - (what category? it was a long post and the topic has been discussed over a week or better in several posts)I Don't Explain To You; my PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST is just that, MINE AND PERSONAL!
    I quoted you as calling other nurses
    "the sicko, psycho, bully, dysfunctional, malfunctioning folks " after you admit to calling them names BEHIND THEIR BACKS! And you think this is appropriate behavior for an adult because you call your self a Christian and that Jesus Christ is your Savior. Does this give you licsense to to be a bully?
    I don't care what your relationship with Christ is. You are a pot calling the kettle black.
  7. by   fab4fan
    Yikes...you could get a headache trying to read some of these posts.

    In my exp., some of the worst bullies were the people who professed to be super-Christians; very poor representation of what they claim to believe. Some of the posts I've read on this BB, both here and in the "We Are Christian Nurses" remind me of them. So, claiming to be Christian doesn't mean you can't be a bully.
  8. by   Nurse Nanna
    Furball:
    OK, now you've told us WHY you are so angry and took things out of context and was so offended; but being agnostic is YOUR choice, don't be angry with a Christian, or a non-Christian, or an atheist or anyone else about YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE. Obviously there are some other underlying problems here that we aren't seeing or hearing about. YOU assume that the adjectives were made BECAUSE the Bully wasn't Christian or BECAUSE I thought the Bully wasn't Christian. I couldn't tell you to this day whether or not she is Christian, that is between her and whoever or whatever. And, YOU ARE NOT GOING BY THE RULES THAT WE WERE ALL ASKED EARLIER THIS AFTERNOON BY THE MODERATOR TO GO BY; and you obviously still haven't "read" the entire post on "bully's in the workplace" or my response to so many people being offended. I "don't care" whether you are by your own description, an agnostic, - or a Christian, or an Alien, or a Purple Elephant; if you have a good attitude and treat your patients and coworkers with respect, accept your responsibility and the decisions made by administration (right or wrong-you take it up with admin, not another coworker) it doesn't matter. But, if someone simply says, as a kind gesture, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I'll pray for you" and you go ballistic on them and curse at them and make threatening gestures with an ink pen in their face, then that would make you the perpetrator/attacker or the bully. To simply say, "I appreciate your care, but I don't believe in that," or "I'd appreciate you not discussing prayer with me" is the more appropriate and professional response; not jumping up in someone's face and shaking an ink pen and yelling "Don't you dare use that religion sh** on me you little ****". You know, believe it or not, Christians still have rights too. This is kind of like the smokers vs nonsmokers thing. Geesh. Is anybody really Right? Do it, just don't do it in my face. But, on the other hand, don't tell me I can't "not believe" or can't "not smoke". This IS America. We have a really vast mix of people, beliefs, opinions, likes, and dislikes out there. Welcome to America. Now, with this continued name calling, anger, and so forth (after I did as I was asked and re-read my post and made a response to that post), it feels like "bully" tactics. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinions and just about everyone, or so it seems, has made them. A notice and requests was made by the moderator r/t all posts. I have complied by re-reading and responding. AND THE MODERATOR WAS CORRECT: "IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON TO THE ISSUE AT HAND. BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE- AND TO HELP ONE ANOTHER WITH SUGGESTIONS OR IDEAS. THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE. IF SOMEONE DISAGREES, THEN STATE YOU DISAGREE OR TAKE OFFENSE AT SOMETHING SAID AND GET OFF IT. THE PERSONAL ATTACKS WON'T BE TOLERATED ON THIS SITE." WHO EXACTLY IS THE BULLY, AND WHO IS BULLYING WHOM?

    dawngloves:
    Same response as above. And, FYI, I don't CALL myself a Christian, I AM A CHRISTIAN!!! As I said earlier, I don't answer to you or anyone else, only to Him; it's MY PERSONAL RIGHT! I don't care what you think. It doesn't matter, period. I'm not sure what you 'think' a Christian is, but if you look it up in your Bible or even in the Webster's dictionary, no where under the definition of Christian will you see "the perfect human being who makes no mistakes or errors in judgement or is happy ALL the time, or is nice ALL the time, or....." We humans ARE NOT perfect, end of story. But, when someone reaches out to you, regardless of his/her religious or political affiliation, you don't BITE the helping/caring hand. YOU TOO ARE NOT IN COMPLIANCE with the moderators request this afternoon. I'm not sure "what was to 'admit', I wasn't questioned! I was having a conversation with another person and sharing "how" one group of nurses dealt with intolerable BULLIES! IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!! OR FURBALL!!!! THE TWO OF YOU "CHOSE" TO MAKE IT A PERSONAL THING AND SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TURN THIS INTO A FIGHT SITE. I WILL NOT STOOP TO YOUR LEVEL OF ACCUSATIONS, NAME CALLING AND JUDGING. You are who you are and I am who I am and that is that. You say: "The pot calling the kettle black?" Is that a racial statement? And you are????? STICKS AND STONES.....
  9. by   ktwlpn
    my PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST is just that, MINE AND PERSONAL!>>>>>>>>> You sure fooled me-took up a lot of bandwidth discussing that very personal subject in this thread,didn't you?I doubt that the experts are touting Christianity in the workplace as a way to fight bullying.Totoally inappropriate for this thread-IMHO.....I hope the mod steps in here.I am glad that the "We are Christian Nurses" thread exists-it's a thread that I can choose to avoid --that's where this type of discussion belongs.I believe that Donny H also said that this discussion was getting off topic and inappropriate....Please preach on PM or the other thread.....
  10. by   kids
    The topic of the thread is Bullies in the workplace.

    Just a reminder.
  11. by   dawngloves
    Originally posted by Nurse Nanna
    . You say: "The pot calling the kettle black?" Is that a racial statement?
    :roll :roll :roll
    Good night folks! Don't forget to tip your waitress!
  12. by   caroladybelle
    Originally posted by kids-r-fun
    The topic of the thread is Bullies in the workplace.

    Just a reminder.
    And as a note on that after posts on several threads on the BB, I think that I can truly say the following, especially regarding bullying:

    "Some people are their own worst enemies."

    and

    "Empty Wagons Rattle the Loudest."
  13. by   Furball
    ...also don't forget that the devil can come in sheep's clothing....

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