Any takers? Supressed sexual frustrations of husbands of Nurses...

Nurses General Nursing

Published

After reading the thread about the jokes by Jay Leno and the comments. We do need to gain some thicker skin I agree but it reminded me of this dissertation "morificecript" this PHD is/was trying to sell I found on another board. This guy is actually writing a novel about sexism in nursing atleast from his point of view. I thought it was crazy , I wanted to post it here and get your reactions, this is part of the reason why we need to be aware of what is going on, people like this guy, next thing you know we will have a new diagnosis called Nursing sexual adversion disorder or post traumatic spousal nurse reactions...Lord what these people do for attention. Here is a small excert you can find the whole 4 chapters over at another bb here: http://discussion.aboutnursing.net/read.php?f=2&i=132&t=132

This is for real....

All Rights Reserved Version 2

E-mail contact for response to Morificecript: [email protected]

Husbands of Nurses

The Great Untold Story of Suppressed Sexual Frustration in Modern

Society

Patricia Gail Smith, R.N.

Damon Smith, Ph.D.

Introduction:This is a book unlike any that you have ever read or probably will ever read again. It violates a social "taboo" and discusses an aspect of our society that all of us have wondered about at one time or another in our lives: "how can a man married to a pretty young nurse feel comfortable about what she does in the hospital, taking care of all those male patients?". We all realize that this has to be a strange situation for the husband and his wife, but we accept it as a necessary aspect of taking care of society’s needs.

If you are the husband of a nurse, you know that society tells you that you have no right to feel uncomfortable about your wife’s attentive care-giving to other men in the clinical setting. Because she is a medical professional and only "doing her job", you are supposed to deny and suppress any feelings of jealousy and discomfort, even in your realization that the men she cares for sometimes enjoy her attentions as a sexual experience. Our society is not perfect and nobody ever said that life is fair. Society does what it has to do, in matching its resources with its needs. It needs young married women to work as nurses, so it dictates that you will "look the other way" and accept her interactions with these men, regardless of how extreme the exposure and contact, and feel only pride that your wife is caring for those in need.

Today’s woman is an independent human being living in a free society, and she has the right to do whatever job she wants to do. But there was a time in our society when no self-respecting husband would even consider allowing his wife to see, much less touch, the naked body of another man. Nursing in those days was performed by Catholic nuns and other unmarried women. But now a woman can pursue nursing as a career without asking for anybody’s permission. That’s the way it is in today’s social and political setting, and that’s great. The only problem is that men have basic instinctual feelings about their wives and their interactions with other men that have been programmed into their genetic makeup over millions of years. The social and political changes that have occurred over the last thousand years have done nothing to alter the gut response of the human male animal. Basic human nature hasn’t changed, but our society has. Therein lies the basic conflict and the reason for this book.

As the husband of a nurse, after you read this book, you may feel better about what your wife does in the clinical setting. But our real hope is that you will feel better about yourself, and that you will have an understanding of what is real and what is artificial about the nursing profession. And hopefully, you will understand that you have a right to "think like a man", and "think like a husband", because that’s what you are, and you don’t have to apologize to anyone for feeling that way, especially to your wife.

After reading this book, you may for the first time in your marriage, be able to "get real" with your wife about what she does. You may be able to understand what she feels about your role as the husband of a nurse and why she feels that way. And you may come to understand why she believes that it is reasonable and fair to conceal from you what she sees and does with her male patients, behind closed doors where you are forbidden to go.

And most importantly, you may bring to the surface and openly discuss feelings of sexual frustration that you have been programmed by society to deny and suppress, which affect the quality of your relationship with the person you love.

And if you are a nurse, after reading this book, you may come to realize that society has used you for its purposes and programmed you to believe, quite remarkably, that you can go beyond social sexual norms as a part of your job and have a comfortable and stress-free relationship with your husband. You may think back over the years of your training in nursing school and find it somewhat curious that no one ever discussed with you, even once, the rather obvious fact that what nurses do can produce frustration in a husband and cause problems for your marriage. There’s a reason for this. Society doesn’t want you to think about that, it just wants you to go and take care of those patients.

We have written this book together, as a nurse and her husband, to put some reality into the artificial concepts surrounding the nursing profession, and to help nurses and their husbands to understand the forces at work which put them in a frustrating and difficult situation. Gail is a Registered Nurse and Damon is a scientist working in the space program. We are not experts in psychology, but we feel that we have insight into the problem, because we have experienced it first hand. And perhaps more importantly, we have the commitment to be "real" and "tell it like it is", at least within the limits of our perception and understanding of the problem and its causes.

Specializes in LDRP; Education.
Originally posted by nurs4kids:

this guy's a sick idiot

Right on sista!!

:p

:D I just read the above, and I'm having hysterics! OMIGOD!! This is one sick puppy!

Actually, my hubby said it does upset him a bit to think that I often see male patients naked, but these days it's generally to look after perineal abcesses and pilionidal cysts...and NOOBODY'S even remotely thinking about sex when you're packing one of those!!

Haven't these two cuckoo birds got something better to do with their time?!!

This is way beyond funny....Then again its really really sick. Umm I cant see how disimpacting someone or putting in a cath. can be sexual for the pt. or the nurse doing it. Maybe she should preform some of those nursing duties on her husband, maybe he will change his mind. Then again if he is as sick as he sounds he may like it. OMG I dont even want to think about that. Sick Sick Sick :eek:

Greetings All Nurses,

I recieved this as a response to my e mail here is the reply.

-------Fwd Message-------------->>>>>>

Hi Jami:

Thanks for responding to our morificecript. Of course, I expect that you and your nursing colleagues find this morificecript offensive. Did you think I was so naive as to expect you to agree with it? Nurses have a different view of the situation compared to the non-clinician husbands, who are "left in the parking lot", so to speak. They don't really know what goes on the hospital. But they do know that male patients can sometimes enjoy the attentions of a pretty young nurse, even if the nurse herself is desentized and feels nothing about the sexual overtones of her tasks. And, by the way, even if the husband believes that his wife is desensitized, he knows she had to get that way.....by having repeated exposure to sexually intense situation with other men. Think about that, and try to take yourself out of your nursing role for a minute and look at the situation from the point of view of a young non-clinician husband who has just married a beautiful young nurse, and drives her to work every morning...wondering how many men are going her attentions that day in the hospital....

Peace be with you also.....

Damon

----- Original Message -----

From: Jami Ullman, LPN

To: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2001 12:01 PM

Subject: Husbands of Nurses

Specializes in OB, M/S, ICU, Neurosciences.
Despite my concealment, I expected Damon to be loving and faithful to me in our marriage. He held me at night as my husband wanting to be my true sexual partner but feeling that I was not holding up my end of the arrangement. I'm sure it was very painful for him and continues to be. I did love Damon but maintained a shallowness in our relationship in not sharing all of my life with him. I put my nursing career first and my marriage second. He did remain faithful and only saw my body while I saw hundreds of men's bodies in the clinical setting. I wanted the job and I also wanted Damon's complete love without sharing my nursing experiences with him. I was caught up in the power of being a nurse and society's dictate that what nurses do is okay and that everyone, including my husband, just had to accept it.

My GOD!!!!!! Talk about inappropriate--I can't imagine these thoughts going through my mind while up to my elbows in a wound or some body fluid. I think these two have wa-a-a-a-a-a-y too much time on their hands! And I hardly think this is representative of how most nurses and their spouses feel about the nurse's job. Talk about being sexually repressed and frustrated :rolleyes:

Well I've got to tell you. I inserted a foley cath(18F/5cc balloon) this morning while the Dr pushed IV Lasix and the pt surely wasn't jumpin' all over me. Maybe I should have used a 28F, yeah, that might have done it!!! LMAO.... ;)

Specializes in Hospice, Critical Care.
...look at the situation from the point of view of a young non-clinician husband who has just married a beautiful young nurse, and drives her to work every morning...wondering how many men are going her attentions that day in the hospital.... Damon]

OK...so I asked my non-clinician husband..do you worry about how many men are going to receive my attention in the hospital? That I may be fantasizing about them while I am caring for their naked, male bodies? That I may be concealing sexual matters or sexual thoughts about my male patients?

My husband looked at me like I am a crazy person. "No," he said "why would I?" (You really should have seen the look on his face.) I explained the theory behind the book. He looked increduluous and stated he never thought of it that way and no, he has never worried about his wife and naked male patients.

So there, author Damon. Fellow female nurses, I invite you to ask your husbands/significant others the same. Be interested to see their reactions.

Sexual Frustration... hmm...

Perhaps from my point of view, yes, sexual frustration(and many other frustrations) are related to work.

For anyone who is insecure, well.. figure, would you be feeling anything sexual about parts you would be shoving assorted tubes into? Sorry.. not me... not my boat...

Well... figure that maybe my S.O. (if I had one at the moment... boohoo) might have some frustration... Why??? :confused: well... lets try rotating shifts at work, school (full time), a cranky partner coming home who doesnt want to be touched thanks to being in a grimy hospital dealing with crackpots, and PIA's ALL DAY LONG??!!!???

AND HE HAS THE NERVE TO SAY HE'S FRUSTRATED?!

:eek:

haha...

hmm... thats just my humble opinion...

I could be wrong...

-Barbara

Specializes in LDRP; Education.

Or...as Jack Nicholson said...

Go sell crazy somewhere else - we are all sold out here.

Specializes in Pediatric Rehabilitation.

Me and my coworkers polled our spouses (male and female). Consensus being, this guy and his wife have major problems. My husband reacted much like zee said of her husband. Then he added for humor, "hell, if you gotta do those things, i figure better to work off your hostility on another man than on me". He was joking, of course.

sick, sick, sick, it reads like cheap Media. This couple clearly knows nothing about nursing. Sounds like their plan to make a few bucks off the book. I'm just trying to figure out who they plan on marketing it to? Certainly not nurses. I read it and to me it says blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. It's ridiculous.

to last post: I read excerpts! I wouldn't waste my time1 but what do you think about suing the ANA for discrimination against LPNS?more interesting topic/

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