another jolly assignment

  1. pt 1
    postop-wants a private room so i can be his private nurse so we can do private things. he tells me hes rich as though thats going to persuade me. i have one hell of a time getting out of his room because he goes on and on and on. later he tells me he wants morphine because his roomie is taking it and he thinks it might be cool. he suddenly decides hes in pain and i need to find his doc. he falls asleep while i am running a dose of antibiotics iv and when he awakes and hears me in the room he thinks we have changed shifts and complains that the iv has been in his arm "all night"

    pt 2 (the roomie)
    24 years old. constantly in the hospital for etoh abuse aka "pancreatitis". he was so drunk in the er he fell off his chair and on his face. he was just released last week. hes back. i always get this guy. last admit they gave him a morphine PCA, this time its round the clock scheduled diladid iv q2 with a chaser of ativan. he instructs me on which port to administer them in so he can get the most effective buzz. i comply. its ordered for him, i give it. i dont care.
    between the two of them i spend all night in this room.

    pt3
    in his 50's from italy. broken english. cant understand half of what he says. thinks we are out to get him. says he sat on the bedside commode for an hour and a half the night before because nobody would help him to bed. he can walk. he has been refusing his meds. he swears he got a dose of a steroid he didnt want. the nurse snuck in and injected it in his iv. it made him sick.
    hes on a PCA pump but he says he is not getting any of his morphine because the tubing is not taped right. i try to explain that the infusion pump will beep to let us know if its blocked but he doesnt believe me. he tells me he doesnt want me to get in "trouble" and is looking at my id badge. i told him im not worried because i have not done anything wrong. i listen to him rant the same rant again and again. why are his nurses like that? because they are white. ok.

    pt 4

    she weighs no less than 300 pounds. she is up all night long. at first she is appropriate but that changes. she asks for morphine every two hours as ordered. she knows when its due. i give it to her until she starts losing her grip with reality.
    she starts singing my name. she recites the poem "the night before christmas" and sings christmas carols. she sits on the edge of her bed with her gown off. in all her "glory". when she lays down her humoungous butt sticks out. she refuses to be covered.
    i ask her if she is looped. she tells me no and falls asleep. i get the pulse ox and try to get her sat. she wont give me her finger. she wants me to beg. i finally get the sat and its 87. i start her on O2. she wont leave it on. "it itches my nose". i continually go in her room and make her keep it on. its now a game. i try to get another sat rate and we play the "no finger for you" game.
    if i leave the room and she sees someone go by she sends them to get me. "i dont feel good" no i guess not. leave your oxygen on and you will feel better. "it itches my nose" off it goes.
    we did this for hours. when i was going home she was sitting on the edge of the bed, hanging out all over and crying, begging me not to leave.

    i had three other patients but i didnt get to see too much of them. unfortunately for them, they were normal.

    i couldnt wait to get the hell out of there this morning...lol

    i wish i could say this was an unusual assignment, but it wasnt.
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  2. 75 Comments

  3. by   P_RN
    When I write my book.......this is going to be inspiration for at least 3 chapters....along with all the other creative patients....

    <the mid eastern lady who didn't use toilet paper, but instead would splash the toilet bowl water up to cleanse herself....

    <the patient on q 1h IV Dilaudid who was eating Oreos and then awoke thinking the cookie crumbs were ants trying to bite him....

    <coming on to the report that the patient in room 27 had died about 0400. Then discovering at 0730 that same patient STILL in the bed...unshrouded....oh not me discovering.....a tech who was not apprised of the death......night nurse already clocked out and gone.

    Oh yeah. Got the T shirt and all.

    I'm sorry you had such a nite.....You did great.
  4. by   LTC-LPN
    I believe you. I have residents who think the nursing home is a hotel and they come and go at will. When they return and I have to be their nurse I think the same thing, "I always get this person" and usually it is someone who is very noncompliant to anything I want them to do.

    What a night for you...maybe tonight will be better!?!

    It wasn't a full moon, was it?

    Jane Ann
  5. by   LadyNASDAQ
    Haven't laughed this hard in years!

    My patients in Renal ICU are all ftd and would I ever give almost anything to hear one of them complain or give me so-called trouble like that!

    My patients are dying or near to that and we code so often that it is wonder that defibrillator isn't out of 'lectricity.

    Enjoy those patients. The ones that don't talk are the hardest to take care of.
  6. by   hoolahan
    Hey P, add mine....

    <pt who $hit in lid of dinner plate>

    <pt in er who was out of his regular supply of drugs, was working and had to drive "up north jersey" and wanted to catch a buzz (for the ride of course), so he ground up quaaludes, mixed with water, drew up and injected them. Got narcan (tried to tell the doc he didn't need narcan) he then vommitted over side rails of stratcher, climbed over strecher, slipped in own vomit and cracked his head>

    < young male, resusitated by wife after birth of first child. ruptured cerebral aneursym in circle of willis. No one would touch hime for surgery. He spent two weeks in our ICU begging every woman for a BJ or to try to nurse (confused and kept mixing us up with his wife.)>

    <old alcoholic, who had quite a good time while I was tied up in another room, weaving his IV tubing (which he had pulled out of course, in and out, around and around, the rails of the older bed side-rails, knots and all...knit one purl two...>
  7. by   semstr
    Nursing is fun, fun, fun!!

    Hope your next night is very q.....!!

    Take care, Renee
  8. by   thisnurse
    its never funny when you are in the middle of it but on reflection you just have to laugh. for some reason these are always my kind of patients. i get all the psychos, no exaggeration. even if they are "good" all day and night they turn psycho on me. we should all get together and write a book. i dont think the public would believe us. your stories are pretty funny
  9. by   traumaRUs
    This is too cool...I'll always remember the pt who popped one of our residents and broke his nose! The attending goes in (with the police presnt) and proceeds to stand on the pts face!!! All we could see was the doc hanging onto the overhead light to keep his balance. (The pt was high on pcp and the police - six of them had a hard time getting him under control.

    Of course, then we have had the bigger patiens - one guy who was well over 300# the other day, slipped as the md had him stand up out of bed and down he went - took four of us to get him up!!!

    Our er has so many of them. Then there are the regulars...last night we had a bad breather we were tubing and in comes one of the regulars - cold and didn't want to stay outside. I put thermometer in his room and told him I'd be back. He took his own temp, bp, pulse and wrote them on chart for me!@!!!!!
  10. by   dawngloves
    i couldnt wait to get the hell out of there this morning...lol
    Excuse me, but at least they were all continent, were'nt they?
  11. by   prmenrs
    Dawn, I'll bet a couple (at least) of them weren't!! Just think, our pts make smaller messes, and can't think up fun stuff like that, darn it!
    Last edit by prmenrs on Jan 10, '02
  12. by   RNKitty
    Gee - looks like I am missing all the fun. First my pts are in pain, but refuse to take drugs (L&D), then after the birth they are hormonal, sleep deprived, frustrated, and sore. I miss the psycho's and drug addicts (not)!
  13. by   Zee_RN
    QUOTE:
    [<the patient on q 1h IV Dilaudid who was eating Oreos and then awoke thinking the cookie crumbs were ants trying to bite him.... ]

    HAHAHA! LOL! I love it! Too funny!

    QUOTE:
    [Enjoy those patients. The ones that don't talk are the hardest to take care of. ]

    Nope. Like 'em tubed and sedated. Like 'em with crashing pressures and big belly surgeries. Nothing like a good ole big AAA repair, intubated, triple pressors...ah, that's the meat of it!

    I've been working in Admin the last two months. Worked in ICU the other night when they were crumping and PACU had more patients to send them. I loved it; Lord, I miss the patients...
  14. by   TracyB,RN
    I am totally LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really grossed out by the woman who cleans herself with toilet water. Too funny. . .
    Then there is the confused elderly woman who is smearing BM all over the bedrail & when asked what she's doing, looks straight at you like you are a total idiot & says, "WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!?!? I'm making s***balls!!!!!!!"

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another jolly assignment