I just wanted to say that I'm so happy I signed up for this site! I have learned that I am a normal new grad. All my stress and fear is normal. After reading many posts about new grads at their first job, I feel I am right where I need to be. Before, I was freaking out and thinking maybe I'm too stupid to be a nurse. Now I know this is truly a normal feeling and in time, I will transition from this place to being more confident and comfortable. I've only been on my job in oncology for four days now and I love it. It's a lot of work and very stressful but I have dreamed of becoming a nurse since waaay back and now that I'm finally here brings me more joy than ever. Sometimes I just stare at my badge and I'm in awe because it says my name RN. Thats pretty darn cool.
My back story is that I grew up honestly believing I had a learning disorder and that I could never attempt anything "hard". I was never good at math and always thought that since I didn't know my multiplication tables by heart, I was stupid. The only thing I was good at was writing. So I thought when I graduated high school, that I wanted to be an editor of some sort. I found out quickly reporting was involved and I hate reporting so I quit that. When I became a CNA and worked in a nursing home, I knew I found a fit. I loved working with the patients and I hated seeing other CNA's or RN's being cruel to the residents so I thought to myself "man they need a person like me". I didn't believe much in myself and I had a really hard time with every class because every class I took, I thought I was too stupid to understand it. Over the years and a slew of B grades I made it into nursing school where I continued to do very well scoring A's and B's but mostly B's. I still thought I was stupid. How stupid. After graduating I passed my boards on the first try and the success keeps coming. I'm registered to get my BSN this fall semester and things are going so great. Looking back at where I came from, it truly is a blessing and I am in awe many times that although I wasn't the smartest cookie in the jar and I wasn't the straight A student, I didn't come from highly educated parents and I'm still successful. That just amazes me and the fact that I am a normal new grad eases my soul as well.