"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!" (rant)

[Marie_LPN, RN]

It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.

Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire

It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.

I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."

In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.

[Katnip, RN]

how about all the moms who don't get to see their adult children year after year because all of the "young" moms whine to get it off to spend with their kids? (by the way i am a young mom) I don't celebrate the holidays so i would be one who would take that extra holiday with glee... that is if i don't have something planned. We like to go skiing or, as has bee the custom latley, head to sunriver with for a week with friends. The nerve of some people assuming people with no kids don't deserve to get the holidays off.

Interesting, but this argument works both ways. You say that all mothers should be entitled to be with their kids on Christmas morning. So I daresay that if a nurse does not have kids then he or she probably does have a parent s/he wants to spend Christmas day with. So THAT nurse's mom is also entitled to be with their "nurse" and that nurse should have Christmas off.

Looking at it that way, NOBODY should work Christmas, which as we know is unrealistic.

When you work in any 24/7 job you have to understand that you have to be flexible and creative enough to work around it.

I don't like to work Christmas either, but this year it's my turn and that's what I'm going to do. And I won't complain about it. Neither will my kids. Even though they're teens they love Christmas. But they'll have to adjust.

[Mulan]

And i will add, that since we rotate holidays, when someone works a Christmas, if they stay in our OR, it'll be a couple of YEARS before another one would have to be worked. Most places don't offer that.

I'd think i'd be content to only work at that rate! Most people don't have that!

If you work in an OR, why is anyone working on Christmas, or any other holiday?

Is it actually working or being on call for emergencies?

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

If you work in an OR, why is anyone working on Christmas, or any other holiday?

Is it actually working or being on call for emergencies?

It has not failed, that every Christmas for 6 years straight, we get one ruptured abdominal aneurysm on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Also plenty of suicide attempts, and car accident victims. It used to be call time, not anymore.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i usually will trade off and let someone have new year's eve off if they'll switch and let me have christmas or christmas eve off. but dang! that woman had some nerve! i'd probably have said no just on principle.

i once had a coworker tell me "you should work my christmas for me since you don't have a life."

ya know what? i might have worked her christmas for her had she proposed any kind of a reasonable trade, or approached me in a respectful manner. but you can bet i didn't work her christmas for her that year, or any other year! nor did my husband or any of either of our friends!

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Marie, I think you're probably going to be disappointed if you can't be with your kids. Who wouldn't be? For those with kids, it's all about the kids. But you are going to mature enough to not to begrudge those without kids their right to holiday time off or ask such a question as "what do you need it off for?"

Sorry, Tweety but this does not cover it.

I have wanted a child all of my life. But though I raised my niece, I have no birth children/adopted children of my own. And at 41, I am highly unlikely to giving birth anytime soon.

I have given thousands of dollars for bridal showers, wedding presents, second wedding presents, baby showers, bar/t mitzvah presents, graduation presents, baby's first birthday, etc. Not to mention bought ugly band candles, overpriced wrapping paper, and stale popcorn. Everyone always says, "well, we will be doing the same for you", but obviously they won't.

My heart cries and bleeds a little when my coworkers talk about their kids....knowing that I probably will never have any. But I hold my tongue, smile prettily, and tell them how beautiful that they are.

But the next day someone uses the, "But I have kids and you are single" excuse and I may go postal.

THE CHILDREN ARE YOUR CHRISTMAS/HANUKAH PRESENT FROM G-D.

(remember that when you use the "kid" excuse, that you may be tearing a hole in your childless coworker's heart......not a good way to get a day off)

[DusktilDawn]

Sorry, Tweety but this does not cover it.

I have wanted a child all of my life. But though I raised my niece, I have no birth children/adopted children of my own. And at 41, I am highly unlikely to giving birth anytime soon.

I have given thousands of dollars for bridal showers, wedding presents, second wedding presents, baby showers, bar/t mitzvah presents, graduation presents, baby's first birthday, etc. Not to mention bought ugly band candles, overpriced wrapping paper, and stale popcorn. Everyone always says, "well, we will be doing the same for you", but obviously they won't.

My heart cries and bleeds a little when my coworkers talk about their kids....knowing that I probably will never have any. But I hold my tongue, smile prettily, and tell them how beautiful that they are.

But the next day someone uses the, "But I have kids and you are single" excuse and I may go postal.

THE CHILDREN ARE YOUR CHRISTMAS/HANUKAH PRESENT FROM G-D.

(remember that when you use the "kid" excuse, that you may be tearing a hole in your childless coworker's heart......not a good way to get a day off)

I do not have children and at times feel the way you just described. Tweety wasn't justifing the "I have kids you don't" thing. I can understand mothers wanting to be with their children on holidays, and the thoughtless remarks made about not having kids when one doesn't want to switch a shift is unnecessary and can be hurtful.

[Mulan]

I have given thousands of dollars for bridal showers, wedding presents, second wedding presents, baby showers, bar/t mitzvah presents, graduation presents, baby's first birthday, etc. Not to mention bought ugly band candles, overpriced wrapping paper, and stale popcorn. Everyone always says, "well, we will be doing the same for you", but obviously they won't.

How true. The mothers are always expecting you to buy this useless, overpriced crap that they are selling (which the kids should be selling themselves) as well as all the presents as mentioned above. No, the single or childfree will never get it back. One learns to be selective about who, what and when regarding buying or gifting.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

couldn't it be that anyone with kids 10 yrs old and under at least should have xmas morning off? my kids are 20 and 23 yrs old but still want mommy there on xmas morning with presents from santa!!!biggest day of year for kids moms should be there!!!

my answer to this: it's not as if you didn't know when you took your hospital job (or at least by the time you finished your orientation!) that hospitals are in the business of caring for patients 24 hours a day 7 days a week, including weekends, holidays, and christmas! presumably, you knew you had kids (or wanted to have them) when you chose to work in the hospital. you're very fortunate that you were able to have children when you wanted to ; cervical cancer took that choice away from me. the fact that i was not fortunate enough to be able to have children does not mean that i or my childless friends are less deserving of a holiday with our families. you chose to have the children, and you chose to work in the hospital, rehab facility, nursing home (whatever.) so work your fair share of the holidays, and please don't complain to me about it! i'm working my fair share (and more!).

[SoulShine75]

I do have children and very much wish I could spend every holiday home with them, but I chose to be a nurse and not have a 9-5 M-F job. Therefore I have to make some sacrifices. At my place of employment, on Christmas Day, everyone works 4 hrs. I love this myself. This way no one is stuck there on X-mas for 12 hrs. It works well for us. The other holidays, if you are sched. you work, but if you want it off, use vacation or someone will usually always trade days with you, so they can get the holiday pay. Marie...apparently this co-worker needs to learn to make sacrifices, or find another line of work. As if it is your fault she has children

I like this idea of everyone working atleast 4 hours that day. I think around the holidays the unit should make a decision together about how holiday schedules will work. This way everyone is happy. I also think everyone should either work Christmas Eve or Christmas day so that everyone can have some time with family. (Unless someone wants to work both). No one should be made to feel bad for having kids or not having kids. Yes, it's hard to leave your kids on Christmas to go to work, especially when they're young, but those are sacrifices you must make when you choose to be a nurse. Sounds to me like someone is just jealous.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

gosh i so feel your pain only this year i'm the "evil" one that is preventing a first time mom from being at home celebrating her childs first xmas.(other people are off this day, but i'm the only one with no kids that is working her shift, thus i guess the only one capable of switching) well i have 2 step children but have been told that "they don't count as they already have their "real" mother there to celebrate with them..." (yes isn't that nice? ) i wasn't evil the past 2 christmases because i worked them. one year i was kind of "guilt tripped" but i didn't mind too much. i now realize that this will happen every year if i let it. this new mom isn't the one giving me the guilt trip...it's the other staff! if they care so much...let them switch! especially after being told that my stepchildren "don't count".

well it's not as if the new mom's little darling can read the calender! let them celebrate december 23 -- the child will never know the difference!

[Deidre Shiobhan]

The day we've decided to be a nurse we should be well aware of the working hours. People tend to use different excuse to get things done, it's ok to switch roster if the reason given is justifiable and make sense.

I do 12hour shift - 2days work and 2 days off, I've been doing this for 5 years and I find that this kind of working hours are pretty flexible. I love doing 12hr shift and haven't consider changing.

Perhaps the department can come up with some shift duties that can facilitate roster changing, I won't dare say that 12hr shift is definitely good because there are also staff that abuse the system too.

I think it's compromising and cooperation among each other is still more important. Hope you all agree.

[MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN]

Gosh I so feel your pain Only this year I'm the "evil" one that is preventing a first time mom from being at home celebrating her childs first xmas.(other people are off this day, but I'm the only one with no kids that is working her shift, thus I guess the ONLY one capable of switching) Well I have 2 step children but have been told that "they don't count as they already have their "real" mother there to celebrate with them..." (yes isn't that nice? ) I wasn't evil the past 2 Christmases because I worked them. One year I was kind of "guilt tripped" but I didn't mind too much. I now realize that this will happen every year if I let it. This new mom isn't the one giving me the guilt trip...it's the other staff! If they care so much...let them switch! Especially after being told that my stepchildren "don't count".

that first time mom you mention at the beginning of your post needs to wake up!! depending on when the child was born, they are going to be a year old, max - is her child functioning at a developmental level of a 4 or 5 year old and will notice that she's not present for "Baby's first Christmas"? I doubt it!!! My first child was 3 months old for his first Christmas - that year, I had Christmas Eve off and we spent it at the house of my husband's step-sister with our whole tribe because she was dying of cancer - good thing we went because we went to Canada to visit my family for a week and she died the day before we got back and she adored our baby - she had her hospital bed set up in the living room and we put him in bed with her and he sat there, just chillin', for I don't know how long. anyway, I had to work Christmas Day, so we opened presents when I got home - we had to open the baby's for him and he was more interested in the wrappings than anything else - my husband had more fun with his toys than he did!!!! the next day, we crossed the border into Canada and flew 4 hours out to my parents house where we had Christmas with them on the 27th and stayed for a week. my son is now 8 and loves to look at the pictures but has no memories at all of that whirlwind Christmas.......Christmas is what you make it - we had 3 awesome Christmases that year and only 1 was actually on the 25th!!!