Witnessed my first death today.

RainDreamer, BSN, RN · Jul 26, 2008

Sounds like you did a great job. Having such a supportive system of other nurses, including the charge nurse, is so important.

I think the way you feel and react to the death of a patient really depends on the situation. You're definitely not "weird". This was an older patient, that had lived a long life, the family was expecting it sooner or later. Doesn't make his life/death worth any less, and of course it's still sad. The deaths that tear me up the most are the ones that are unexpected and tragic. One thing I've realized since being a nurse is that death isn't always the worst thing.

(((((HUGS))))

loriangel14, RN · Jul 26, 2008

Thanks so much for your reply. I think that the situation made it eaier to deal with. I am sure that if it was tragic, especially involving someone young it would have been more difficult.

paacollins · Jul 26, 2008

I worked as a CNA at a LTC while doing my prereqs for nursing school. I had avoided nursing school for years because I was afraid I couldn't handle death and dying. I was extremely surprised how well I dealt with it at the LTC center. That being said, you have to remember that the vast majority of my patients were elderly and had lived long, often happy lives. I still cried when some of them died because I had become very attached to them.

While doing clinicals at a local hospital I watched a code in the ER. The man was in his 60s and died basically because he had cardiac bypass surgery but still continued to smoke a year later. It didn't bother me much but I think that was because I had never met him and I managed to stay detached.

All that being said, if I had to witness the death of someone in the prime of their life or, heaven forbid, the death of a child, I would not handle it nearly as well.

TangoLima · Jul 27, 2008

I have never witnessed a death before, and dread the first time. We had a death on the unit last week during the day shift, and the nurse was very shaken up. It was more because of the family's grief reaction than the patient's death. I must say, this is the part I fear the most. I'm just worried about what to say to the family. I never know what to say in emotional situations.

Anyway, I don't think you are weird. Everyone handles death differently, and I believe every situation is different. I agree if it had been unexpected, or a child it probably would have been more difficult.

Sounds like you handled the situation great.

rhondaa83 · Jul 28, 2008

Funny that you should write about this, because I had the same situation happen with me ,she died two hours after my shift, but I did see her dying. She was very agitated, and moaned in pain, her arms were moving around a lot, I felt really bad for her, especially since she was by herself. I kept going into her room to stroke her head and tell her that I had loved her smile and told her that she was a wonderfull person. If I had known that she was going to pass in two hours, I would have been there for her just to hold her hand. When I found out the next day, I did not cry because she finally was at peace. So do not feel bad for not crying, feel good because they are in a much better place.

leslie :-D · Jul 29, 2008

Funny that you should write about this, because I had the same situation happen with me ,she died two hours after my shift, but I did see her dying. She was very agitated, and moaned in pain, her arms were moving around a lot, I felt really bad for her, especially since she was by herself.

rhonda, next time you ever see your pt moaning and agitated, do not hesitate to get an order for pain control.

and of course, your presence/hand holding is the icing on the cake.

i'm glad your pt is in peace, as well.

leslie

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN · Jul 30, 2008

Don't feel weird. We (unfortunately) have a lot of deaths on our floor, and I've had about a patient a month die since I've been off orientation, and usually it's a) expected and b) I know it's a blessing for them. I think that makes me calmer and more accepting than if it had been a child dying from a MVA or something. The other nurses say I'm good with dealing with terminal patients, and several have even suggested I look at hospice when I'm ready for the next thing.

Well, I was calm except for one horrible week. I work 12s, 3 days on, 4 days off, night shift. First night of my 3, I had a woman come in from a nursing home, dying from respiratory failure. Why this poor DNR couldn't have died in the only home she had, I don't know. Next night, the guy across the hall, who I had as a patient off and on for 2 weeks passed, also thankfully a DNR, (had no kidney function, GI tract shutdown, CHF). I went home and almost couldn't make myself come back the next night. I told my charge, "don't give me someone circling the drain tonight, if I have 3 in 3 nights I'm going to think I'm the *#(@! angel of death." She gave me folks who made it thru the night, but we had 3 other patients that I'd taken care of come in and pass on my days off that week. When I came back on for my next set of 3 days, the first night one of our frequent fliers (COPD/CHF/DMII/CA everywhere) came in. Her heart rate dropped down in the 30's and we all came in to check on her -- waxy skin, head thrown back, mouth open and gasping. We're trying to see if she's got a pulse, etc., and her son is kinda pushed back over by the sink with all of us in there. She was a DNR, and her hubby was in a nursing home. I caught the charge nurse's eye and said to the son, "Sir, would you like to come take your mom's hand and tell her good-bye?" We all backed away, and he started crying, and said, "mom, don't make me call dad and tell him you died on father's day." The CNA that had been looking after her bolted from the room, crying, and I puddled up. After she passed and we got her down to the morgue, I guess I had a "come to Jesus" moment with myself, in that I had to get my mind around the fact that people are going to die, I'm going to see it, and that's what happens. I've had others pass since, but I just get thru it.

rhondaa83 · Jul 30, 2008

She was on Roxanol (sp?) but she was still agitated. I am learning that Roxanol means that the end is near soon. Or maybe not, I am so new that I am not sure.

cheels · Aug 1, 2008

Im not worried about seeing anyone die.. other than young, 17-18-19 y/o boys from car accidents.. because it will deffinately bring back some very bad, sad memories.

shellsgogreen · Aug 1, 2008

today i had a patient pass during my shift. he had been palliative for several weeks with lung cancer and it was certainly expected but the family was still very upset. he was 89 and i know the family as the pt was an old farmer that grew up and farmed a couple of miles from my family.
he went into respiratory arrest and i suctioned him before placing a scapolomine(sp?) patch on him to make him more comfortable. he was gone about 30 min. later.his stepdaughter was present and more family showed up soon after. i did have the support of 2 other nurses (one was the charge nurse)during this and i felt i handled it well. later when i mentioned this was the first death i had witnessed the charge nurse was quite concerned that she had not realized it was my first time and wanted to know if i was ok. i really truly was feeling ok with it and accept death as a natural ending.
has anyone else dealt with death without being terribly upset or am i weird? i wondered from her reaction if some nurses have difficulty at first dealing with a death. how have you reacted?

of course you're not weird!

when i first began, i was nervous about this - in fact, i remember my first one; the md had assessed the pt that morning, mentioned to me that the pt would probably pass that day, and you know what; i started crying.

he was a dnr, and we had contacted the family so they would be aware. i checked in on him frequently and when i found him unresponsive my own heart paused for a moment.

the techs and charge nurse were a wonderful support, and talked me through what needed to be done next. i won't forget that - it's something i hope to do for a new nurse someday