Let me preface this with, I am SO excited to be an orientee. I know it's going to be a great job, hard sometimes, but good. I've finished six weeks of floor nursing on med/surg units. Now for the first time I will be going to other units.
But today sucked. There's no way around it. It was brutal. I ran my tail off and still felt like a terrible, horrible, very bad nurse.
I had 3 patients, all on iso. One was discharging but his d/c got delayed, but I still had to make the phone calls to the SNF. Then I got phone calls from family and friends who I wasn't even sure I could talk to. Thank GOD for the nursing student who basically took care of my second patient. The third patient had intense dressing changes. Before the discharge left I got another patient who was waiting to go to a procedure.
The main problem was a preceptor mismatch. My preceptor was the Socratic/pedantic sort and had this constant disapproving look, like 'I can't believe they let you in here.' She said things like: "What are you going to do now?" "What do you think your priorities should be?" "What do YOU think you did well?" Normally those questions would be fine, but today I wanted to say: "Well actually right now I hate nursing, hate your unit, and feel awful about myself." Instead I made up some BS about prioritization. Another problem was "hostility from the natives" - I felt like a pariah around them. But, I got through the day... even realized when I got downstairs I had carried off a med and a pager, so I returned those... then came home and cried. There's always something left undone. At least I was nice to my patients and I did the best I could, even if it wasn't perfect.
Thank God not all days are like this. I have had so many good days where things ran like clockwork, where meds and cares actually got done, where I felt competent and accepted. I love the place I work and I still believe in my call to nursing.
Well thanks for letting me vent, I feel a little better now. Going to go eat cheesecake and head back tomorrow to face the mis- I mean, joy.