New RN; I want to quit my job already.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 27, 2014

Hello,
I am a new graduate RN who has been so lucky in her current job in a PA hospital on a busy intermediate/telemetry floor. ( I was an aide for about 2 years on the floor- so everyone had all these crazy high expectations for me) I have been here as an RN for about 6 months now (I've been on my own for about 2 months now- 12 hour night shift). I am trying to give it time, honestly I am. But I can't do it anymore. I have come to dread my job, I hate it when I'm there, I hate it when I'm home. I feel like I am always in a fog and my relationships and friendships are failing because of it. I can't go to the gym anymore or have time to cook healthy (which is things I used to love doing!), or do anything I once loved. I have seemed to find myself in this depression and constant anxiety. I am always trying to catch up on sleep and when I'm with my friends and family I can barely even follow the conversations I am so tired. I am always crying (at home, at work- embarrassing!-, on the drive home from work). I don't feel like I fit in on my floor (with the nurses, I am so focused on getting my work done) and I am a complete nervous wreck. I am so disappointed in myself; I am so bad at IVs, I feel so stupid on my job, all I have time to do is get my tasks done. I am so scared I am not going to notice when my patients going down the tubes or what I am going to do when that dreaded first code for me happens. When I finally do have a good day the day shift comes in and gets mad at me for not knowing something little about the patient that I didn't think to ask the day shift I got report from. I'm miserable, depressed, and at a loss of what to do. I can't quit because I need to have another job in order to do that. And if you haven't noticed the job market is not that great for a new graduate with less than a year's experience. I've discussed some of my issues with my boss but he just says "that's nursing, this is normal". I don't think it's normal to be crying almost every day and losing yourself because of it. I really don't want to go to a LTC or a SAR because I feel like it will be even worse (med passing and not having enough time for my patients) Does anyone have any words of inspiration or ideas of other places (or search terms for new jobs) to apply to?
PS. Let it be known I do not want to quit nursing, just my current job. I know nursing is for me. I love nursing, I really do. What makes my days are my patients and when I have a chance to sit down and spend time with them and not worry about all the charting I have to get done and all the medications I am behind on. I had a patient that was going to die and it was so amazing to sit there and hold her hand and make it easier for her to go. That being said I'd love to go into hospice/palliative. But it seems even for that you need > 2 years experience! I think it's really just this floor that is killing me. The patient ratios at night are crazy for patients that are so critical. Ugh. ( I don't feel like I am giving my patients all the time they deserve) That being said my hospital is very small and there are no other floors for me to transfer to. Help.

I suspect that you don't really want to hear this, but your boss is right. It all sounds like a normal part of being a new grad. Some new grads have a harder time than others, but crying all the time is a rather normal part of the job. I used to cry all the way to work and cry all the way home. On my days off, I'd think about going to work and I'd cry. I was sure all the nurses at work hated me because I was so focused on my work I didn't have time to hang out at the desk and socialize. I lost track of my friends, my family and even my cat. But the good news is that at six months, you're at least halfway through it. Keep on going, and before long you're going to start feeling better about everything.

Please make a special effort to take care of yourself. Drag yourself to the gym on your way to work if you have to, or make it a priority on your days off. If you can't make yourself cook, at least make the effort to eat healthy take-out. Make time for friends -- even if you have to see them at the gym! And make sure to guard your sleep time zealously. It's too easy to lose your sleep time to phone calls and other interruptions from people who should know better but don't.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 27, 2014

Hi it sounds like first off you have the night shift blues. I have worked the night shift for a while you dont have the chaos of families and its quieter but there are other stressors. second u have to learn time management that works for u on the unit,and it will be different for when u were an aid. Get a detailed report even if the other nurse expresses frustration this is your time to ask all you need to know regarding your patients. Then walk to that room with each nurse to visualize each patient . Third starting on a floor where u were an aid is a big no no,with those high expectations there are those that would be happy if you failed including your nurse manager. Whatever u do dont ever let them see you defeated cry at home. Go into your job with your head held high and confident you know the books but you have to learn to apply find a senior nurse u trust and when u dont know something ask.

How much time does it take to write out the word "you"? Per terms of service, no text speak.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 27, 2014

I don't understand the "get off night shift" suggestions. I am also on night shift and many of the OP's complaints echo my own. Day shift is so much busier though. Wouldn't being blasted with the stress of day shift be detrimental to a new nurse who is still working on their time management?

I agree. Getting off the night shift may not even be possible.

Night shift is a great time to learn time management and critical thinking. The families, management, ancillary services, etc. aren't around. So you don't have to rush to get your assessment done before PT comes to work with the patient, or time your medication pass around the Case Manager's visits. You don't have to field questions from family when you're trying to concentrate on breath sounds.

I think most of the OPs complaints stem from being a brand new nurse and not taking care of herself first.

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Jan 27, 2014

Ugh, text speak drives me crazy---it's just a form or poor grammar, in my little ol' opinion. Even though its clearly spelled out in the TOS, it doesn't stop many from doing it anyway!

How much time does it take to write out the word "you"? Per terms of service, no text speak.

Sam J. · Jan 27, 2014

Ugh, text speak drives me crazy---it's just a form or poor grammar, in my little ol' opinion. Even though its clearly spelled out in the TOS, it doesn't stop many from doing it anyway!

Love it- I learned something new today, as in what 'text speak' means! I was thinking it meant slang, or gang talk, or street talk. I've never texted and don't understand why anyone wants their every word recorded, forever, in some secret information bank to be used against them- happens every day. I've seen this 'text speak' in other posts but just thought the posters don't know how to spell. Live and learn~

kota110 · Apr 7, 2014

I, too, am a newer nurse that found it very depressing to go to work at a hospital. I hate the large number of patients with the high expectations. I am realizing, after losing two jobs, I am starting to know what I like and don't like. If you are so miserable, it might be misinterpreted as insecurity and lack of knowledge, be careful.

My advice is to look for something else. Get your experience but don't be so hard on yourself. Try to learn from every day and take everything you see and hear as a deposit in the knowledge bank for your future. It sucks now, but soon someone will ask you something and you will be able to say, "oh, yeah I have done that before."

I can't wait to say I have been a nurse for a full year (July)! I can't believe how rough this year has been. It's nice to know you are not alone and one day all of this will pay off. Believe in yourself.

excited1 · Apr 7, 2014

All i am going to say to this post is "beggers cant be choosers". Be thankful you got into a program, graduated, passed the NCLEX and found a job. A lot of people wishing they were in your shoes.

Now, the other side....get your experience and then decide what you are able to do next. Go further with your education, look at specialties, etc. You can control what occupation you have. Be thankful for now and bow out when you had enough. Always be proud of yourself and what you have accomplished. If you can make just one patient feel better today, you have done your job.

MoshRN · Apr 7, 2014

I think it is terrible that this is the norm for nurses.

thenightnurse456 · Apr 7, 2014

My first nursing job was the same place I had worked as an Aide. Like you I felt enormous pressure!

Like others have outlined it's the night shift that's effecting you the most. Your normally clearly a morning/go for a run/eat salad/healthy kind of a person. This new schedule is upsetting your body and it's routine, putting you in a fog which is effecting your work performance and general disposition.

Plan: A)quit

Plan B) attempt to get a day position (from prying it from the dead cold fingers of a senior nurse who loves the day shift)

Plan C) give it time- MORE time. No one is expecting you to be this super nurse just because you worked at this place as an AIDE first. The pressure your feeling to perform at this high level is coming from you, not your peers. You were an awesome aide, but your now a new NURSE learning the ropes.

I used to think night shift meant I couldn't possibly exercise or eat healthy, but I made changes to my routine and it's easily done.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Apr 7, 2014

I think it is terrible that this is the norm for nurses.

While this may be the norm for new grads -- and I'm not sure that it is, based on the tendency of those who are unhappiest to post most -- it isn't the norm for nurses.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Apr 7, 2014

My first nursing job was the same place I had worked as an Aide. Like you I felt enormous pressure!
Like others have outlined it's the night shift that's effecting you the most. Your normally clearly a morning/go for a run/eat salad/healthy kind of a person. This new schedule is upsetting your body and it's routine, putting you in a fog which is effecting your work performance and general disposition.
Plan: A)quit
Plan B) attempt to get a day position (from prying it from the dead cold fingers of a senior nurse who loves the day shift)
Plan C) give it time- MORE time. No one is expecting you to be this super nurse just because you worked at this place as an AIDE first. The pressure your feeling to perform at this high level is coming from you, not your peers. You were an awesome aide, but your now a new NURSE learning the ropes.
I used to think night shift meant I couldn't possibly exercise or eat healthy, but I made changes to my routine and it's easily done.

Adjusting to night shift is difficult, but almost everyone can do it. It does take time, and those who say they're ready to quit after a week, a month, or even a few months haven't given it enough time. Either that or they haven't given it a sincere effort. Night shift and hospitals go hand in hand, and if you're new, chances are very good that you're going to be working night shift. You may not be able to control that, but you CAN control how you deal with it. Give nights a sincere effort -- there a many threads here on AN outlining tips and tricks for surviving and thriving on nights -- and give it sufficient time. At least six months.

As an added incentive, think of that night shift differential!

berhaelee · Aug 4, 2014

I also hate my first job. Currently, I am working in a LTC Rehab facility in night shift. Its crazy that I had to take care for 20 patients max and each of them complain for pain meds and sleeping aid EVERY NIGHT. I am frustrated and depressed too that"s why I am looking for another job coz its only part time and it cant pay my bills.