I don't know where to begin but here goes. Back in high school and first few years of college, I wanted to be a nurse; however, after my first semester in my nursing program, I realized it wasn't for me and wanted to switch majors. I'm very introverted and soft-spoken and don't like talking to/dealing with people, patients, and doctors. Problem was that I didn't know what other major to take up, and I was worried my scholarship wouldn't approve since I was already in my third year of college. In the end, I decided to just stick with it and graduate with a BSN despite the fact that nursing school made me depressed. I graduated Spring 2016 and passed the NCLEX in November the same year. I applied at a new private hospital and have been working there a whole month now under different preceptors.
I originally wanted to go PACU because my nursing classmate went straight there and told me how she loved it. The hours are great, it's chill there, and the patients come and go. She and I are similar personality-wise and so I thought I would like it there, too. However, there were already a lot of orientees there at the time and I felt like the hospital didn't want to put me there, so I said I'd settle for medsurg floor. I thought I would be OK with medsurg because my other nursing classmate was telling me how it was chill there and that it wasn't so bad. But when I actually got there, I realized how really busy it was. I misinterpreted what she said, and now I'm regretting having agreed to go to that unit.
The work environment there is positive for the most part, and my coworkers and manager are nice and helpful, but I just hate working on the floor. A couple weeks ago, I talked to my nurse manager about transferring me to PACU since a nurse resigned there. But she told me to just stay in medsurg a couple months to get basic skills down. I don't know exactly when she'll be able transfer me especially since other nurses in my unit plan to transfer, too, and I don't know how much longer I can last being miserable at this job. I hate all the responsibilities I have to deal with. I work 12-hour shifts and get only 30 minutes break. I'm miserable and dread going to work! I'm still on orientation, but I feel like quitting. I'm constantly worried that I hate my job, and I'm so scared of the thought of being on my own soon. I feel so incompetent at work. When patients ask me something, I feel like I don't know the answers most of the time. I'm always unsure of a lot of things and depend on my preceptors when I don't know what to do. I'm slow sometimes because I'm so unmotivated to be there. I feel like I also suffer from low self-esteem issues. Another thing is that I'm worried I may not like PACU either once I get there. I try to read similar topics on this site, and they do help me feel a little better, but it's only temporary. I vent to my boyfriend and friends, but again, it's only temporary. I can't really enjoy my days off because I always go back to thinking that I'm going to dread going to work again later. I get jealous of people who don't have to deal with what I'm dealing.
Don't get me wrong. I respect nurses! My mom is a nurse, and she's very hard-working. I admire all that they do for their patients. It's just that I think nursing isn't for me. It completely clashes with my personality. However, I'm so stuck. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get here. I have to pay back my scholarships as well. But at the same time, I'm so depressed. Also, I don't want the hospital to think badly of me for quitting so soon. It's my first actual job; plus, I don't know where else to work. I can work at a clinic, but i don't know if they'll hire me with close to zero experience. I want to go back to school and possibly take something else, but I can't do that at the moment. Need advice! I really don't know what to do anymore.
Welcome to AN.com, harumi22!
Since you mentioned you have already read topics pertaining to your plight (good for you!), you probably have already visited this forum:
Sometimes it takes a lot of time and effort to find your niche in life, but perseverance can be a key. You are obviously working on your problem and joining AN.com will assist you in your endeavor to do so.
Many members here have struggled similarly, and can support, recommend, and guide you.
I also went through a time of despair, tried working various areas of nursing, while also working as a free lance artist, until I found my niche.
I hope the same for you, harumi22, that you too, find your niche.
Keep on keeping on!
The best to you!
Hi sorry you feel this way. Do not give up. Do you hate nursing or hate where you are at in life?
I'm also a newer nurse and I understand your feelings but I think you should stick with your present job for a while. You mention that your environment is positive for the most part which is a big plus. Stay at this place for at least one year and then reevaluate your feelings.
Moved to First Year after Nursing Licensure forum
Good advice from PP johnsonmichelle.
It always sounds so trite when the answer is 'to give it time' but it's usually true.
Wishing you well.
I heard from many of my peers that the first year of nursing is always rough. It's a time of adjustment and it can be stressful especially if you are quite introverted. However, I agree with the other comments about just sticking with this job for a while longer. I don't know what the job market is like in your area, but it's pretty competitive where I'm from (I'm still trying to look for one
) , so I would advise you to hang in there for a bit and gain experience. During this time, ask all the questions you need to and dont be afraid to ask your preceptor to review skills as well. If at the end of orientation, you still don't feel quite comfortable on your own, ask if it's okay to have a few weeks extension. Once you become more knowledgable and better with nursing skills, maybe you'll feel better about your job? Although maybe not since you didn't like it all thoughout nursing school.
But is it just working in a hospital or a stressful environment that you don't like? The great thing about nursing is that there are many different fields. One of my teachers in school also hated the stressful environment of hospitals so she went into community health. She's now a school nurse. I share this in case it helps you–
Like you, I'm introverted and I don't like dealing with people including patients, family members, doctors, and nurse aids. During my Med-Surg orientation, I noticed I did not like bedside nursing and made a wrong decision for my career. I had been depressed and hated every second of my life when I was working on Med-Surg floor.
Once it hit one year mark, I internally applied to an OR position and got hired. My Med-Surg manager was verbally abusive when I told her I was leaving and she deliberately delayed my transfer date. Oh well. I'm glad I'm done with Med-Surg for good.
I work in OR now. OR nursing is totally different from bedside. I have so many things to learn and get overwhelmed often, but this is tolerable to me comparing to bedside. Patient is asleep most of time and no family member is present in OR. OR nursing is more like a technical job. I still have to deal with doctors and other staff, but it is not the worst. I don't know if you like OR, but just I wanna tell you Med-Surg is not everything. I feel PACU would be good like you mentioned in your message.
I feel your pain, but I would recommend you to hang in there unless you have somebody who financially takes care of you and your student loan. Check the policy for internal transfer (to know when you can start applying for internal positions.) If you have a mentor, talk to her. I also recommend you to learn how other nurses talk to patient (just because it helped me a lot.) It is okay not to know everything. If a patient asks you something you don't know, tell him "I don't have the answer, but I can ask the charge nurse" and go ask or tell the patirnt who may have the answer.
I'm a student nurse so I can't speak from experience, but my suggestion would be to take your personally traits (introversion etc) and look at how they can be used to your advantage within the nursing field. For example, when I had my children I was visited by a lactation consultant. It was one on one, in a very peaceful setting and your soft-speaking and calm/reserved personality would, I imagine, be very calming and non-threatening for a new Mom, especially one that was struggling with breast-feeding etc.
Another idea (off the top of my head) is home-health. I have an RN friend who works nights for a patient who needs round the clock care, but for the most part her evenings are quiet; occasionally she has to turn the patient or check her feeding tube etc. Again, it's one-on-one, and again I think this type of nursing could utilize your personality as a strength instead of you seeing it as a weakness.
Best of luck to you!
I feel your pain a hundred percent. I am also a introvert and I find myself constantly stressed and anxious trying to force myself to be accustomed to bedside nursing. Nursing takes a lot out of me. I actually accepted a job in telemetry and its my first medical related job as a nurse. I fear the same thing. I hope you are doing well and everything works for the best. If you have a great support system at home and work, utilize them as well. You are going to have to muster enough strength to get through. From what I heard in nursing, You need to tough it out in med/surg before you find the right department for you. That's what I keep telling myself so hopefully tough it out before you find something that is more suited for you. Don't give up. I'm rooting for you and myself as well.