I'm at the end of my rope.....(warning=long)
0Mar 24, '09 by LittleWing21Last September, I left everything and everyone I know (except my now fiance) to take a med/surg job in North Carolina. I signed a 2 yr contract to get a sign on bonus and relocation reimbursement. I was following the advice of nurses who came before me, including my mom, to start on a med/surg floor despite disliking it in nsg school. And guess what? I HATE it. I wanted to give it a chance...so I didn't express my unhappiness until a couple months in. Then I said I'd try nights....maybe that would be better. Now, not only do I STILL dislike work, I also hate my schedule. I can't work nights (I feel unsafe in the last couple of morning hrs), but I have to cuz my floor is beyond crazy during the day. Its a monitored neuromed floor, but we jokingly call it a monitored psyche ward. We get all the crazies...violent, delusion, hallucinating crazies. This does not help, I don't care for med/surg nursing AND I tend to dislike most of the pt population. I know its a terrible thing to say, but its true.
So, I've been actively trying to transfer for a few months now. I have shadowed in 3 places (after working 12 hr night shift, yuck) only to be told there are no positions available. I've been working with a rtn coordinator at the hospital, and she's been "helping" talking to other units for me, but I feel she has no vested interest. Last wk, I interviewed in the OR, and she actually forgot that I did. Then come to find out, the guy I interview with has been on vacation for a wk. Doh. So, I still don't know if I have the job. Plus, I'd have to give 4 wks notice if I get it...so I would really like to know soon...
Each time I go to work, it gets harder & harder. To say I dread it would be an understatement. I just worked four 12's in a row and had 5 diff day nurses to report to/from. The assignment was horrendous and I didn't get a single break on my last night. Later, I heard the day nurse I reported to actually asked for a diff assignment when she came back. And I had them for 4 nights!!!!!!!!!!
So, to add to the problem, my fiance doesn't currently have a job and his Veteran's Reimbursement runs up this month. I am getting so sick of the run around with transfer, I want to say just screw it and find a spot at another hospital. But I would owe so much money....I would have to pay for 3 broken contracts; sign-on, relocation, and my apt lease. I don't know what to do, but I can't stand this much longer. This isn't the type of job you can do & dislike it. I actually ended up crying in one of my terminal pt's rooms the other night (I know, very unprof, but I'm almost certain it didn't register with him!) Part of it was I was hanging blood for the second night for that guy who should have been comfort care (<---sorry, tangent!)
I don't know what to do. I love the support from everyone here, hence my vent. But please don't say stick it through...because I can't. I just can't anymore.
1Mar 24, '09 by zahryiaI'm so sorry you're going through this. I can feel your pain through your post. I would just follow up with the manager when he gets back, but don't come off as desperate.
If you don't get the position, just look for another job. In fact you should be looking for one right now.
The last thing I would hate for you to do is leave, get stuck with repayment and have no job, in addition to your fiance having no job. That will take your stress to another level.
So, in essence, I am asking you to stick it out since you don't know what' on the other side; especially in this economy.
Is it possible to take some time off?
1Mar 24, '09 by wendymeyersYou are clearly feeling very panicked and desperate right now. It is a TERRIBLE feeling! The first thing you need to do is try to take a deep breath and calm down. When we feel stressed and "cornered" in a situation, it has a way of exponentially getting worse (sometimes worse than the situation actually IS). As much as you can, you need to try your best to separate your emotions from the reality in this situation. The REALITY is that you will owe a TON of money and go into debt if you leave this job. In this economy, regardless of any "dream job" (is there such a thing?) that you could possibly move to, the burden of debt would put so much stress on you, you would likely be in the same spot emotionally. Since your fiance is not going to be adding to the pot financially for some time it sounds like, the whole deal falls in your lap. Do you REALLY want to take on all of that financial pressure? I bet not. So, the REALITY of the situation once again would probably indicate you need to STAY PUT.
Does your hospital offer counseling services or AFLAC or anyone you can talk to about this? You clearly need some professional counseling...just someone who can listen and be a confidential sounding board. You are in a state of emotional and professional crisis at the moment (it happens to all of us at some point...you are not alone!) and you need support. Make sure as best you can you are getting enough sleep, exercise, eat a good diet and take a daily vitamin. You need virtually EVERY resource available to you at this point in time to keep you as strong as possible physically to handle the immense stress and pressure you are under.
Continue to seek assistance from your HR department and let them know the SEVERITY of the stress this is putting on you. They have an obligation to move you if it is affecting your health (emotional, physical and otherwise) and cannot discriminate against you. Try your best to be patient and work with them. Do not be demanding, but be firm and communicate to these people how important it is that you find an environment that is more suitable to your needs and abilities. The hospital certainly is not benefiting from your work at this point in time either if you are having an emotional meltdown every time you hit the floor.
Hang in there. Get some professional help asap! Good luck to you and keep us posted....we are all routing for you.:heartbeat
1Mar 24, '09 by caliotter3You need to take some time off. Getting professional help wouldn't hurt either or find someone you can talk to who doesn't hold anything over you and can listen without judging. When I was in an impossible situation and could not get away from it, I started the practice of taking a day or two off (from accumulated leave time) every so often when it started to reach the explosion stage. That helped me to get through it. I looked forward to that day or two off. Maybe you could do something similar. Get a big calendar and mark on it the day when you will be beyond your obligation. Cross off the days. As you approach the end, start job hunting far enough out so that you have something lined up for the date you can resign from this place. Take mental health days off periodically. Learn relaxation techniques. Do an exercise program. Take a course toward your next educational goal. Anything to have something positive in your life to distract you from your problems at work. Good luck.
1Mar 25, '09 by czbsnQuote from wendymeyersI couldn't agree with this more, especially since I just went through the same thing.
Continue to seek assistance from your HR department and let them know the SEVERITY of the stress this is putting on you. They have an obligation to move you if it is affecting your health (emotional, physical and otherwise) and cannot discriminate against you.
I started out in a VERY busy ER right out of school as a very naive new grad... I thought it was something I'd be able to handle with time and my higher-ups seemed confident that I would fit in well, so I figured "why not?".
The stress was not only mental/emotional - getting piled on with patients with no regard from the previous nurse, trying to clean up the messes that they left behind, taking care of meds/treatments that were not done, etc. - but it became physical quickly. I was suffering from nightmares, sleepwalking/talking, insomnia, abdominal pain and nausea, back aches, migraines... the list was endless.
My final straw was that I needed surgery to remove my gallbladder. My docs said I had none of the risk factors for cholecystitis... except for stress. Lovely.
What I did was talk to my manager first to let her know just how miserable I was. She insisted that I keep trying, but when I realized how bad it was, I moved on to the HR department. I spoke with a woman who became my advocate and my confidant. I started going to counseling. Ultimately, Occ Med deemed it medically necessary to move me out of the department. And so I go... in less than two weeks (only 7 shifts left!), I'm leaving the ER and going up to the floor.
Sorry for the long-winded explanation, but essentially, I understand completely where you're coming from. There should be someone in your HR department that can help you. In the mean time, I would suggest counseling. It was nice to have someone with an objective point of view that made me realize that I wasn't insane - the amount of stress that I had was legit!
Good luck! :icon_hug:
1Mar 25, '09 by WildcatFanRN:icon_hug:Littlewing
All, I can say echos what a lot have already said. Don't give up trying to get into another unit, keep following up...be persistant. Also, do use the EAP to talk to someone. I wish sometimes I had used EAP several jobs back. Feel free to PM me if you want if you just need to vent, I won't always be able to offer advice....but I can listen.
Also, is there another facility in the system you could possibly transfer to that isn't as hectic? Just throwing it out there as an option.
0Mar 27, '09 by LittleWing21Thanks everyone...and the counseling suggestion is a good idea. I am lucky enough to have a lot of support, but I understand the need to seek an unbiased listener (even just to lessen the burden of my friends and fam!!). I still haven't heard anything. I just contacted a neuro ICU unit in the hospital. I don't think I would ever leave a job without having one.....I'm not a gambler! If something doesn't come through soon, I'm considering going part-time and taking a second job at a fitness center (which I have background and experience in). For our next schedule, they had me down for six 12 hr nights out of seven! I was like: uh uh!!!! Thanks for all your suggestions. Hope I have some good news soon.