Depressed, confused, lost, and not sure if i should even be a nurse! :(

RN4NICU, LPN, LVN · Aug 12, 2007

I've been reading around on the boards, and I see alot of new nurses feel the same way I do. The thing is, I was never really that "into" nursing, even during school. I graduated in May, and have passed my boards and have been working in a hospital for over a month. Everyday I wake up and have to go to work, I seriously just want to cry. I know I'd be nervous doing ANY job or career for the first time, but I don't even enjoy hospital nursing that much. I LOVE people and teaching, but I HATE the hospital setting. I have 10 patients and feel pulled in 8492374324 directions and feel like I never really have a grasp about what is going on with them, or that I am putting it all together...I kind of feel like a overly anxious medication dispenser. I know I need to stick it our for awhile and see if it gets better, but I am dying to figure out some kind of plan to either change my nursing career path, or change into another profession completely (even attending community college to become a dental hygientist, radiology tech, or who knows even something random like real estate agent, human resources). I don't care about money, I just want to be happy. But I feel like a failure if I DON'T do nursing, and worry about how I will pay off my nursing school loans while I get training. Maybe getting another type of full time job that is not stressful and leaves me enough time to study??..Basically I just WANT to like my job, and if I'm lucky, even LOVE it...I know I am a hard worker, and a loving, compassionate person... I just feel so lost, miserable, and like a failure because I spent all this time in school to get my BSN, and it's something that doesn't even make me happy. If I am going to stay in nursing, maybe a community health job, parish nursing, or any outpatient care positions would be better, but I know those jobs are hard to find...and am not really sure how to go about it...I could use advice about all of this! I know this post is all disorganized, long, and emotional, but nobody really understands how I'm feeling...my new grad nursing friends like and some even love their jobs. I appreciate any responses or advice.

You will have many more options once you get a year of experience. Here are some thoughts:

1. GET OUT OF MED/SURG - there are many more opportunities inside the hospital than med/surg (which would make me miserable too, that's why I never did it). Many specialty areas deal with either 1 patient at a time or a much smaller patient load than you describe. Some of these are OR, any ICU, cath lab, radiology, special procedures, PACU, dialysis, etc. Many of these areas have training programs for new grads. I was a new grad when I began working in the OR. I liked OR, for the most part, but changed to NICU because it was something I had always wanted to do.

2. Look for options outside the hospital - home health, community health, surgery centers, dialysis centers, physician's office, etc. These jobs get less difficult to find when you are experienced, as most of them just aren't set up to train new grads.

3. Once you get some experience, have you thought about going back for your MSN (or perhaps a masters in public health)? I know it seems counterintuitive when you dislike your job so much, but advanced practice nursing is NOT med/surg. Advanced practice doesn't have to mean nurse practitioner (although it certainly could). For example, you mention you like people and like teaching - you could be a nurse educator.

Hang in there and keep your mind open to different possibilities. I hope things go well for you.

carol72 · Aug 12, 2007

I could only read the first few lines of your posting, it was too sad.

I highly encourage you to seek employment outside of med surg. Please don't see this as a failure - it is just a better option for those of us who can't or just don't want to be involved with med surg.

Nursing has too much else to offer - please don't give up.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Aug 12, 2007

May I ask why you continued on with your nursing education once you realized you weren't into it? There would have been several forks in the road you could have taken while you were still in school that might have taken you to a place where you'd be happier being.

My oldest daughter had planned to be a pediatrician for half her life when she started university in a pre-med program. In the first term of her sophomore year, she took a genetics elective and before we knew it, she had changed her major and graduated with an honors degree in genetics. She followed that up with a Master's in molecular biology and is now on the downhill toward a PhD in human genentics. She's happier than she ever imagined, doing what she's doing; she's in demand as a speaker and has had several offers of employment when she's finished.

My second daughter wanted to be an exercise physiologist. She worked hard toward that goal for three years, then at the end of her junior year, realized that she didn't like what she was doing and that the career opportunities her degree would offer her didn't excite her. She changed majors in a big way and graduated on time with a Bachelor of Arts in criminology with a minor in psychology. She's working for the justice department and plans to work with young offenders in the parole system. She couldn't be more content.

Nursing education programs don't really prepare students for the real world of nursing and that is their shame. The reality is that a lot of new grads HATE hospital nursing and shift work, but will not be able to find work in a clinic, free-standing surgical facility, research office or a management position without spending at least some time working at the bedside. People go into nursing school not knowing that part and then are left feeling like they're the ones who have failed, when it's not them at all.

If you're really having difficulty with this choice you've made, you have to find a way to make the best of it. A career counselor at the university might be able to help you look at options for using what you already have without adding too greatly to your debt load. I can't conceive of a nursing job that is stress-free. Community health comes with personal safety issues when you go into people's homes or are in a storefront in an underserved neighborhood with a high crime rate, rampant drug abuse and interpersonal violence. Parish nursing comes with similar concerns, although if you have th right temperament and strength of conviction you could look into palliative care or hospice nursing. Clinic nursing I would think would be a little unsatisfying. You're expected to keep 'em moving, like a sheep herder, and you have even less time to spend with the clients than the physicians do because you're working for all of them, doing all the paperwork, making all the appointments and referral calls... and they pay peanuts.

Maybe someone else will have some pearls of wisdom for you. I wish you well.

CarVsTree · Aug 13, 2007

So, you've been a nurse for about a month and you have 10 PATIENTS!!??!!

That is way too many patients way too fast an orientation. Is there a better hospital in your area that offers a real orientation. My hospital has a 12 week med/surg orientation.

As for the posters that suggest you get out of med/surg, I disagree. I think you're at a bad hospital for not providing you with a proper orientation and way too many patients per nurse ratio. I would NEVER take care of 10 patients. I work Trauma med/surg and that is impossible. Don't even think its safe on regular med/surg.

I hope you find a good situation and your niche.

missfitness226 · Aug 13, 2007

I feel the same way you do about nursing, and am getting ready to start my 2nd and final year in my adn program. I keep telling myself there has to be SOME field or specialty of nursing I would like and enjoy.. and I've changed my major so many times I'm already getting a general bachelor's degree. and now everyone in my family is so excited that I graduate in May and will have a 'great job'. I'm just really not into it! I absolutely LOVE helping people and cheering them up and all, but the actual nursing skill part of it I can't stand. I'm the person who passes out every time I get a shot. Anyone have any advice for me as well?

deeDawntee, RN · Aug 13, 2007

I had 6 different Nursing Jobs in the first 2 years I was a nurse. I just kept changing jobs until I found my niche. It is really OK to do that. Never once was I denied a job even though I had changed so often, I would just tell the interviewer that I was looking for my niche in nursing and it is an accepted part of the nursing culture. I finally did find my niche (in a hospital) and have changed units there 3 times.

I would strongly recommend that you start looking for something else. You don't have to keep doing something you hate. 10 patients is unbelievable, no one could stay on top of all of those patients, I don't care how much experience they had.

Good luck to you!! You will find your niche, perhaps psych nursing?

That would be a great specialty for someone who may want their master's degree!!!

RN1263 · Aug 14, 2007

I would strongly recommend that you start looking for something else. You don't have to keep doing something you hate. 10 patients is unbelievable, no one could stay on top of all of those patients, I don't care how much experience they had.
Good luck to you!! You will find your niche, perhaps psych nursing?
That would be a great specialty for someone who may want their master's degree!!!

I'm a new grad RN also....and I agree w/ the above post! Don't stay if you're not happy.

To the OP, I hated med/surg nursing in school....I don't know "exactly" why?

But just the thought of working med/surg makes me depressed:o. I guess it's just not my thing. I like talking to patients and I found out real quick that on the med/surg floor there isn't much time for that! ....and I agree 10 patients

on a med/surg floor is insane!!! Now, someone who like to be ridiculuosly busy, busy, busy would probably love med/surg?

Anyway, I'm going to start a psych RN job next week. I hear it's a whole different animal than med/surg. They don't even want nurses to wear scrubs just casual clothes and jeans on Fridays. The patients have to be medically cleared so there are very few "skills" to perform if any other then med pass (No I.V's, catheters, enemas, ect.). Plus, I really liked my psych clinical in school.

Hope you find your niche....good luck!

SunnyCaRN · Aug 15, 2007

I've been reading around on the boards, and I see alot of new nurses feel the same way I do. The thing is, I was never really that "into" nursing, even during school. I graduated in May, and have passed my boards and have been working in a hospital for over a month. Everyday I wake up and have to go to work, I seriously just want to cry. I know I'd be nervous doing ANY job or career for the first time, but I don't even enjoy hospital nursing that much. I LOVE people and teaching, but I HATE the hospital setting. I have 10 patients and feel pulled in 8492374324 directions and feel like I never really have a grasp about what is going on with them, or that I am putting it all together...I kind of feel like a overly anxious medication dispenser. I know I need to stick it our for awhile and see if it gets better, but I am dying to figure out some kind of plan to either change my nursing career path, or change into another profession completely (even attending community college to become a dental hygientist, radiology tech, or who knows even something random like real estate agent, human resources). I don't care about money, I just want to be happy. But I feel like a failure if I DON'T do nursing, and worry about how I will pay off my nursing school loans while I get training. Maybe getting another type of full time job that is not stressful and leaves me enough time to study??..Basically I just WANT to like my job, and if I'm lucky, even LOVE it...I know I am a hard worker, and a loving, compassionate person... I just feel so lost, miserable, and like a failure because I spent all this time in school to get my BSN, and it's something that doesn't even make me happy. If I am going to stay in nursing, maybe a community health job, parish nursing, or any outpatient care positions would be better, but I know those jobs are hard to find...and am not really sure how to go about it...I could use advice about all of this! I know this post is all disorganized, long, and emotional, but nobody really understands how I'm feeling...my new grad nursing friends like and some even love their jobs. I appreciate any responses or advice.

Well I think you already found the key. You said you love people and teaching. So I think your answer is easy. Find a job that will allow you to teach. Try finding a public health job where you are teaching people how to create better health for themselves or go back to school and become a teacher. If you like children look into the school districts, there is always a need for school nurses and you may-be even able to teach a health class.

Life is to short to be stuck in something just to get by or make family members happy. Be proud that you are discovering yourself even if it is by trail and error!

Hope this helps

maybaby9 · Aug 15, 2007

Thanks everyone for the posts and support, I really appreciate it..and am trying not to be hard on myself. I am about to start an "internship" for new nurses, which is 10 weeks......I am going to stick with this unit for now, and hopefully after that I will be feeling better...I'm trying to be positive, especially because they ASK you to stay on board for like a year after the intership is done. I'd feel bad cutting out if it's still not a good fit for me, but other people I've asked said it's not a huge deal. Any thoughts? Thanks again everyone.

dexter99 · Aug 16, 2007

I hear you! I also have 10 patients most of the time and YES I am also in medsurg. But mostly surgical cases as in fresh post ops! And I hate it! I'm planning to get out just waiting for the right time and opportunity. I'm looking at OR hope someone will hire me. I just have 8 mos of medsurg experience. Here in our area its hard to find a job.

NewNurse16 · Aug 17, 2007

I had 6 different nursing jobs in the first 2 years I was a nurse. I just kept changing jobs until I found my niche. It is really OK to do that. Never once was I denied a job even though I had changed so often, I would just tell the interviewer that I was looking for my niche in nursing and it is an accepted part of the nursing culture. I finally did find my niche (in a hospital) and have changed units there 3 times.
I would strongly recommend that you start looking for something else. You don't have to keep doing something you hate. 10 patients is unbelievable, no one could stay on top of all of those patients, I don't care how much experience they had.
Good luck to you!! You will find your niche, perhaps psych nursing?
That would be a great specialty for someone who may want their master's degree!!!

It is nice to hear that it is ok to change jobs within your first 2 years. I am in my 5th week of orientation and I do like it, but I find myself questioning my abilities. My preceptor is constantly telling me I need to work on my time management skills, but I am more concerned about safe nursing care. I would rather be a little bit behind schedule and give safe nursing care than be way ahead of schedule and give inadequate care. I feel like I took the longest road to get where I am, I have always wanted to be a nurse, but I want to be a good, safe, nurse that takes the time to give patients the care they truly deserve. I may have to give it some time and get some experience and if within a year or 2 I may just find other opportunities within my hospital or elsewhere. I feel like I have worked too long and hard to get where I am to not be happy, so I am not giving up for now, but if I end up truly not being happy then I will move on and I suggest anyone who is not downright happy should do the same. We are the nurses of the future and in addition to bringing joy to our patients we need to have joy in what we are doing . Good luck to everyone