Depressed, confused, lost, and not sure if i should even be a nurse! :(

CheyRN · Aug 19, 2007

10 Pt.s in a med/surg situation is unsafe. I have almost 20 years experience and I would flat out refuse an assignment like that. You have to take care of your self (and your license) first before you can care for anyone else.

oldiebutgoodie, RN · Aug 19, 2007

It is nice to hear that it is ok to change jobs within your first 2 years. I am in my 5th week of orientation and I do like it, but I find myself questioning my abilities. My preceptor is constantly telling me I need to work on my time management skills, but I am more concerned about safe nursing care. I would rather be a little bit behind schedule and give safe nursing care than be way ahead of schedule and give inadequate care. I feel like I took the longest road to get where I am, I have always wanted to be a nurse, but I want to be a good, safe, nurse that takes the time to give patients the care they truly deserve.

To the OP---no wonder you are miserable! 10 patients is UNSAFE and INSANE. What is up with that hospital? I work a med-surg floor, and have 4 to 6 patients. We only get 6 in really unusual circumstaces.

And for the poster above, I think you are doing the right thing, trying to provide safe care. Speed comes with time. I think that preceptors try to rush new nurses so much, citing "time management" as a knee-jerk reaction, and cause undue stress.

Good luck to you both.

Oldiebutgoodie

Jacobero · Aug 23, 2007

Everyone gave excellent advice.

I completely agree that 10 patients is WAY too much for anyone, especially a NG.

Have confidence that you will find your niche. There are so many different avenues you can go into....I met a nurse who works in public health co-ordinating services for children with specail needs. Mostly teaching, paperwork, and some assessment, but she's only with child/family at a time.

That's just an example of how far from the bedside a nurse can get. This job was horrible, but you have learned alot about yourself and gained insight into what could be a better fit for you.

NurseBeth7807 · Aug 23, 2007

I agree completely with the OP. I am 3 weeks out of orientation and feeling the exact same way. I have to go to work tonight & I have been dreading it since Monday. I work the night shift & I have been averaging 6-7 patients. I feel like a glorified waitress. "Here are your meds Ma'am...." I don't feel like I really GET it, and every shift that I come in there is a day nurse literally griping me out (we are talking NON-constructive criticism here) for something I did wrong on the previous shift. They keep telling me "Don't be afraid to ask questions," and I'm not. It's just sometimes I don't even know that there are questions to be asked, if that makes sense.

I signed a one-year contract with the hospital. If I leave early, I have to pay them $1000 back for my "training". I also feel that if I leave before getting a year experience under my belt I will be shooting myself in the foot. I have already been looking at local insurance companies who hire RNs for case consultants etc. That sounds right up my alley. I guess I will just have to ride it out and develop a really thick skin.

It's just so disappointing when I put my heart & soul into becoming a nurse, and it's nothing like I expected.

reesern63, RN · Aug 23, 2007

The OP doesn't sound like she works in a hospital--it sounds more like a gulag. Orientation after you've already been struggling with an unreasonable pt. load? And then you're supposed to feel some sort of "committment" to them? No way. This is abuse.

Does anyone have any questions why people leave the profession so soon after starting?

HealthyRN · Aug 24, 2007

To the OP: I would start looking for another job ASAP. 10 patients is far too many.

I had similar feelings when I was in nursing school. I did not truly enjoy anything about nursing school or clinicals, and I suspected that I may not like being a nurse, but I finished anyway. The reason why I finished is because I never like to leave anything undone and I would have felt like a failure if I hadn't gone through with it (which I now recognize as a bit of a personality flaw!). Also, I blamed part of my situation on how nursing school is structured. I did not get to experience what nursing may truly be like until my senior year of college when we were actually functioning on the level of the RN. By then, there was no way that I was going to quit or change majors!

So, I graduated and found a job in the ER. I knew that I didn't like hospital nursing but I felt that I had to get some experience. I did like the ER much better than med-surg, but it certainly wasn't my dream job. I was depressed and unhappy for quite some time. I was certain that I had chosen the wrong career path. I quit after 10 months and I now do community education and work as a rep for a home care agency. It is not a perfect job (in fact, I am currently searching for another), but I am no longer stressed or depressed. Most days I really do like my job. The time away from the hospital has allowed me to find new goals and I've decided that I really want to be an NP, which is the reason why I entered nursing in the first place. I've also come to see that nursing is not such a bad profession. There is a lot of flexibility in nursing that other professions do not have. I just wanted to share my story so that you realize that there are others that understand.

Keep us updated on what you decide to do.

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Aug 24, 2007

I felt much the same way you do. The first six months after graduation I was always sick. Every day was like facing another worst day of your life on the way feeling. I never felt comfortable. I stuck out hospital nursing as long as I could because I knew I would need to the experience to move on. As soon as I hit one year, I was out of there. I worked with hospice for 6 months and it was better, but still not what I wanted. Now I'm in home health. Home health is a wonderful career for someone who likes people and likes to teach.

My point is, as other posters have put it, don't throw away that nursing degree yet. The world opens up after a year and the difference between one kind of nursing and another can be like night and day.

NurseBeth7807 · Aug 24, 2007

OP I have been feeling the exact same way you have, but I have committed to myself to tough it out on the floor for the first year. I already have 3 months under my belt, and in the meantime I am researching other nursing specialties that may be a better match for me when the time comes. At first I wanted to just quit and run for the hills, but then I realized all the hard work, time, and dedication I put into nursing school, and I also remembered that one of the things that attracted me to nursing to begin with was the fact that there are so many DIFFERENT types of nursing....not just hospital nursing. I figure what's another 9 months to get this initial experience under my belt and then I can set out to find my "dream" nursing job.

I hope things get better for you. Make sure you have a good support system in place. It may sound silly, but I feel SO much better just since starting to post on this board two days ago. It has helped to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Try to keep your chin up!

NewNurse16 · Aug 26, 2007

To the OP---no wonder you are miserable! 10 patients is UNSAFE and INSANE. What is up with that hospital? I work a med-surg floor, and have 4 to 6 patients. We only get 6 in really unusual circumstaces.
And for the poster above, I think you are doing the right thing, trying to provide safe care. Speed comes with time. I think that preceptors try to rush new nurses so much, citing "time management" as a knee-jerk reaction, and cause undue stress.
Good luck to you both.
Oldiebutgoodie[/quote
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most people at work that are not my preceptor tell me the same thing, but for some reason my preceptor expects me to be up to speed (after only 3 weeks). I am going to keep at it and as long as my patients are safe then I feel like I am doing ok. Thanks again

whit2980 · Aug 27, 2007

I really understand what you are going through. I have been own my own for about 2 months and I feel the same exact way. Every night before I go to work i almost have a panic attack. Every night when I leave work I feel like I have forgot everything. I get the same amount of patients as you do even though i know it isnt right. I knew that i didn't like med/surg when i took the job but everyone kept telling me that i needed to have med/surg experience. if you hear any good adive please pass it along. goodluck to you ...if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me because everyone could use someone to talk to who understands

zuzi · Aug 29, 2007

Hugs honey from the first. Well if somebody will tell you that for her/him wasn’t hard, lies! For everybody is hard on first steps, now how long are these first steps is another question. For someone are only couples of weeks for others more. Do not be to hard with your self if you are here and you are a nurse, give your self a chance. Give you a time 6 months , one year, 2 years, to see if you really like it, after a couple of weeks is very hard to have a image about. Put on a paper what you like and what not and update next week and 2 weeks after, something was changed?

Put on one paper what is important for you in life and at job time, how many of points are fitted with your job now?

You have a chance to make a turn whatever you want but my advice is to give yourself a time, you don’t know may be you will like it. Look at you job in a positive way, at your nurse life also, ask for help, be yourself, sure that you could do it, only you are just a little bit overwhelmed now and is normal!

Moreover, not decide ever in an emotional state of consciousness nothing about your carrier!

Hugs honey Zuzi

treysdaddy08 · Sep 1, 2007

I've been reading around on the boards, and I see alot of new nurses feel the same way I do. The thing is, I was never really that "into" nursing, even during school. I graduated in May, and have passed my boards and have been working in a hospital for over a month. Everyday I wake up and have to go to work, I seriously just want to cry. I know I'd be nervous doing ANY job or career for the first time, but I don't even enjoy hospital nursing that much. I LOVE people and teaching, but I HATE the hospital setting. I have 10 patients and feel pulled in 8492374324 directions and feel like I never really have a grasp about what is going on with them, or that I am putting it all together...I kind of feel like a overly anxious medication dispenser. I know I need to stick it our for awhile and see if it gets better, but I am dying to figure out some kind of plan to either change my nursing career path, or change into another profession completely (even attending community college to become a dental hygientist, radiology tech, or who knows even something random like real estate agent, human resources). I don't care about money, I just want to be happy. But I feel like a failure if I DON'T do nursing, and worry about how I will pay off my nursing school loans while I get training. Maybe getting another type of full time job that is not stressful and leaves me enough time to study??..Basically I just WANT to like my job, and if I'm lucky, even LOVE it...I know I am a hard worker, and a loving, compassionate person... I just feel so lost, miserable, and like a failure because I spent all this time in school to get my BSN, and it's something that doesn't even make me happy. If I am going to stay in nursing, maybe a community health job, parish nursing, or any outpatient care positions would be better, but I know those jobs are hard to find...and am not really sure how to go about it...I could use advice about all of this! I know this post is all disorganized, long, and emotional, but nobody really understands how I'm feeling...my new grad nursing friends like and some even love their jobs. I appreciate any responses or advice.

If you love people and teaching, why not become a nursing instructor? You wouldn't have wasted any time, only a few years until you have your MSN or Ph.D, and you would be filling another void in the nursing career. We need all the good instructors we can find. Plus, you will probably be able to defer your loans until you're done with school. Good luck!