What is with the crazy parents?? --vent--

[analee23]

I work in a pediatric ER and I am so sick of all the crazy parents out there. Just the other day I had this little 26 day old come in with a known seizure disorder on phenobarb. Baby was d/c'd from NICU the day before and had a seizure at home... so what do the parents do? Rush the kid to the ER for a "STAT phenobarb level and want to immediatly 'give her a po bolus' of phenobarb." UGH, had to explain to them that giving her a "po bolus" will make her stop breathing! So, we draw the phenobarb level, they won't let us draw anything else because they state the baby is anemic and that drawing another 10th of a teaspoon of blood will push her over the edge (even though we can't draw a CBC to see if she really IS anemic).

So we draw the Level and are waiting for results now, every 5 minutes they come out and ask if the results are back, meanwhile they have "bolused" the kid without our concent--although not as much as they would have if we hand't said something, because they know better since the dad's a pharmacist and the mom is supposedly medically inclined somehow. So we're waiting for the level and the kid has a seizure in the ER, great, just what we need. Baby's pink so we're setting up a little O2 and suction and the sat probe falls off the kids toe, mom freaks, throws her portable O2 tank on the bed dad starts yelling "she's getting dusky" And meanwhile we put the probe back on, the kid's fine. I keep saying, she's fine, she's pink... mom's yelling "I'm losing my child!" UGH, drama.

So then MD orders ativan, which I was soo happy about so that we can prevent this kid from having another seizure and having the parents freak again (asked them if they'd witnessed seizures before, they said yes "at least 6"... but only in the NICU). I go in to push the ativan and they ask, once again, if the level's back, I state that I will check the minute I'm done pushing the med. But no, they won't let me touch the baby until I check. I had had enough at this point, I kinda blow out of the room, I know I shouldn't have, sit down at the computer and nope, not back yet. Mom starts crying at this point, telling me to not be upset. I apologize, push the ativan and leave.

Another nurse does most of the care after this point, thank goodness, because I wasn't sure if I couldn't take much more of these poeple. I try to educate that the kid will have seizures, she has a seizure disorder, but parents are too freaked to listen.

(There were at least 4 other very demanding families there that night, the MD almost lost it too.)

MAN, this was probably the most unwilling, demanding, dramatic family I've ever dealt with. I barely kept it together. I'm kinda ashamed with myself for losing it like I did. But, even the Doctor went into the room and told the parents we were trying to care for their child, but they were making it difficult. How do you get over these families? I just keep my finger's crossed and hope that these people don't come back when I'm on (isn't that horrible). Anyhow, just needed to vent. thanks.

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

Can I ask you a very personnal question, have you got any children? The reason I ask is because when you become a parent, something horrible happens to you and you become irrational where your child is concerned and loose control of all emotions, and when you have a very young baby who's health isnt what you had hoped and prayed for during your pregancy this adds more stress and strain into the senario. I know and I understand it is hard for you as a nurse to understand why parents act this way, because it is not possible until you have had a child to empathise with irrational parents.

Just kinda leave the situation, do deep breaths and then go back and smile.

Parents are so hard to deal with.

[LPN1974, LPN]

I understand what you're saying about all the drama from the parents, but if it were MY baby I'd be very worried, too, being the baby is only 26 days old.

I'd be worried the child would go into status. At 26 days old, they really don't have enough experience with this child's seizure activity to be comfortable with NOT running to the ER. At least that's how I think I would feel.

But the drama is uncalled for. Worry, yes, drama no.

[Gompers, BSN, RN]

Can I ask you a very personnal question, have you got any children? The reason I ask is because when you become a parent, something horrible happens to you and you become irrational where your child is concerned and loose control of all emotions, and when you have a very young baby who's health isnt what you had hoped and prayed for during your pregancy this adds more stress and strain into the senario. I know and I understand it is hard for you as a nurse to understand why parents act this way, because it is not possible until you have had a child to empathise with irrational parents.

Just kinda leave the situation, do deep breaths and then go back and smile.

Parents are so hard to deal with.

I don't have any kids (yet) but I work with parents in the NICU all the time. The problem is that it is so frustrating to try and care for these babies when the parents are trying to run the show. I think that's what happened in that ER. The parents came there for help, but they only wanted things done THEIR way. The ER staff is trained to deal with seizing children and probably has a protocol that they usually follow, but when the parents are refusing treatments, it leaves the staff flustered. It's like, why are you coming in for treatment if you think you know how to handle things on your own?

There is a fine line between trying to have some control of the situation and actually interfering with the medical treatment of your child. I think that line was crossed by these parents. I mean, come on, they gave medication right there in the ER after being told not to. That is interference.

I think the original poster has every right to be frustrated, whether she has children or not.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

Some of the wild crazy people are absolutely the hardest to deal with out at triage. Once in the back, you can just smile at them and close the door, and walk away. But at triage there is a certain amt. of time that you are stuck with them, one on one. It has gotten to the point where I absolutely hate triage. Hate it.

Too crazy in the back, you can just station the security guards or have the police outside of their door. and shut their door, and even take the call light away from them.

[GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN]

Im sorry you had a bad night at work. Parents can be something else. Its one of the reasons why I prefered to not take the kids at work. (Rural hospital, everyone on one floor) The parents usually drove me nuts. Yes, I have a baby. But if I want things done only my way, I would not take her in for treatment. Im sorry you had a bad night!

[cynt77]

Well....I can see both sides. Parent's do tend to get in the way most just don't seem to understand that if they just get out of the way and let the doc's and nurses do their jobs things will more than likely turn out better and they will get results faster......because they are holding up the process.

My second child was born with severe anemia his blood count was at a 4. ( They didn't catch it at birth) Something was just not right he was pale had a temp so I took him in to the hospital and they took blood and he was rushed in for blood transfusions. I was freaking out but did I get in the way!No.. I was 23 didn't know exactly what was going on but I kept my composure and let them do what they had to do.

But like I said I understand both sides sometimes we just have to put ourselves in their shoes and be a little more sympathetic even though they are getting on the last nerve that we have left

[prmenrs, RN]

i've got a theory for you--one of the parents either forgot to give the dose, or can't remember if they did, then the kid seized. now they're in a panic, cuz they don't know where they're @. that's why they are so insistent on the pheno level. now they're blaming each other--"you were supposed to give it" "no, you were!!!"

if an older, (sorry, nothing personal) calmer rn or doc had gone in and just tried to tone down the noise level (after all, the stimuli won't help baby), and talked quietly to mom and dad to see if they would divulge what happened @ home (not punitively, no one should call cps, just "problem-solving"), you might have gotten a different picture.

this is a new family, trying to cope w/an unexpected outcome [of the pregnancy], get into a new routine. it's not an unforgiveable thing to forget the dose, just a reminder to get a system in place for remembering. baby did have a seizure. two, actually. maybe the dose wasn't sufficient in the 1st place. getting a level would explain that, esp to dad. call the lab, find out when you can expect the result. then you don't have to re-check 20 times. like you're not doing anything else!!

if you can decrease the emotion by your demeanor (calm, matter of fact), you'll have an easier time dealing w/mom and dad. that comes w/experience. think about it yourself as a problem-solving item. you might have to wait a while till you're less ticked about it. what could you have done or said to de-escalate the situation? this isn't criticism. it's learning.

jmho!! parents can be tough, but if you can get them on your side, life is easier.

you didn't say what the level turned out to be, or what the outcome was. i'd be curious to know.

[Gompers, BSN, RN]

One of my coworkers once said something to a pair of very difficult parents that really seemed to help. It was simple, to the point, and really put things into perspective...

"HEY! We're on your baby's side here."

It made the parents stop interfering and seemed to make them realize that we were doing everything we could to save their child, and that we're the ones that best knew how to do that.

.

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

i've got a theory for you--one of the parents either forgot to give the dose, or can't remember if they did, then the kid seized. now they're in a panic, cuz they don't know where they're @. that's why they are so insistent on the pheno level. now they're blaming each other--"you were supposed to give it" "no, you were!!!"

if an older, (sorry, nothing personal) calmer rn or doc had gone in and just tried to tone down the noise level (after all, the stimuli won't help baby), and talked quietly to mom and dad to see if they would divulge what happened @ home (not punitively, no one should call cps, just "problem-solving"), you might have gotten a different picture.

this is a new family, trying to cope w/an unexpected outcome [of the pregnancy], get into a new routine. it's not an unforgiveable thing to forget the dose, just a reminder to get a system in place for remembering. baby did have a seizure. two, actually. maybe the dose wasn't sufficient in the 1st place. getting a level would explain that, esp to dad. call the lab, find out when you can expect the result. then you don't have to re-check 20 times. like you're not doing anything else!!

if you can decrease the emotion by your demeanor (calm, matter of fact), you'll have an easier time dealing w/mom and dad. that comes w/experience. think about it yourself as a problem-solving item. you might have to wait a while till you're less ticked about it. what could you have done or said to de-escalate the situation? this isn't criticism. it's learning.

jmho!! parents can be tough, but if you can get them on your side, life is easier.

you didn't say what the level turned out to be, or what the outcome was. i'd be curious to know.

good post with a good theory. having been a first time mom myself with a less than stellar first birth experience wtih my oldest daughter, i can relate to the feelings of helplessness and lack of control that was dumped on my head and shoulders within 8 hours of her birth. she was rushed to a hospital with an nicu and i spent her first 5 days of life, unable to breast feed her, something i had prepared myself for all my life. i felt that the nurses there were taking over and that i had no control over what happened. i can completely understand this mom and dad freaking out. when you plan for 9 months and there are problems, it is an emotional avalanche that hunts you down and rolls you under. i would have had a lot more sympathy.

[TazziRN, RN]

Sorry, I'm on the OP's side here. It's understandable that the parents be freaked out and scared out of their minds, but when they take the baby to the ER for help, they need to LET the staff help. They were not letting the staff help. The Pb level was important, yes, but it didn't matter what the level was at that point. The baby was still sz-ing and needed the ativan. And yes, I am a parent.

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

I don't have any kids (yet) but I work with parents in the NICU all the time. The problem is that it is so frustrating to try and care for these babies when the parents are trying to run the show. I think that's what happened in that ER. The parents came there for help, but they only wanted things done THEIR way. The ER staff is trained to deal with seizing children and probably has a protocol that they usually follow, but when the parents are refusing treatments, it leaves the staff flustered. It's like, why are you coming in for treatment if you think you know how to handle things on your own?

There is a fine line between trying to have some control of the situation and actually interfering with the medical treatment of your child. I think that line was crossed by these parents. I mean, come on, they gave medication right there in the ER after being told not to. That is interference.

I think the original poster has every right to be frustrated, whether she has children or not.

Did you actually read my post or just get cross because I asked if she had any children? I was trying to explain that parents can be irrational when their children are sick-they are not all nurses.