Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

Specialties Emergency

Published

"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

My favorites are always the 17-25 year olds that show up for lady partsl bleeding precisely 28 days after their LMP. BY AMBULANCE.

Haha every time I get one of these I just want to say, "mine bleeds once a month too and I survive it every single time. Go home."

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"I need STD testing because my girlfriend is a pole dancer and they get exposed to all kinds of stuff, you know."

"I do adult alternative activities, and I was supposed to be the holder, but someone slipped and I fell hard onto my tailbone and now I am incontinent." (medical emergency, with the TMI part for amusement)

"My child has not had any vaccinations because my older child is autistic."

"I was bitten by a rat when I was trying to take it out of my cat's mouth, because the rat is supposed to be food for my snake."

Good times, ER triage.

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Specializes in acute dialysis, Telemetry, subacute.

Young man comes in by ambulance in the early morning for complain of constpation X 4 hours and no urine in 4 hours, then pees in specimen cup right away when i asked for a urine sample. Smh... You can't fix stupidity.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

Dry feet...at 3 am. Discharged with instructions to apply lotion to feet tid

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"I need STD testing because my girlfriend is a pole dancer and they get exposed to all kinds of stuff, you know."

"I do adult alternative activities, and I was supposed to be the holder, but someone slipped and I fell hard onto my tailbone and now I am incontinent." (medical emergency, with the TMI part for amusement)

"My child has not had any vaccinations because my older child is autistic."

"I was bitten by a rat when I was trying to take it out of my cat's mouth, because the rat is supposed to be food for my snake."

Good times, ER triage.

I can at least understand the no vaccinations thing. Many parents of autistic children have been told the autism may have been caused by vaccines, so they hesitate to vaccinate their later offspring.

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Dry feet...at 3 am. Discharged with instructions to apply lotion to feet tid

I recently had, "My sunburn itches" and another said "I think I am getting a cold sore"

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Funniest: A man came in with a small dumbbell weight stuck in his rectum. He wanted to make his butthole stronger.

Worst: Had a patient literally rip his face off in a motorcycle accident. He didn't make it.

Best: I took care of a lady who nursed soldiers in WWII. She was sharp as a tack but terminal and the family panicked because her pain got severe. She was able to die peacefully with her pain managed.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, LTC, Psych, Addictions..
(I worked in L&D, we have our own triage.)

Pregnant woman in by ambulance at 3am. Her arrival was followed very shortly by the arrival of FIVE relatives who drove a private vehicle to follow the ambulance. Pt.'s ambulance ride started over 60 miles away (we are the only hospital with L&D for a huge area). I walked in and said, "So what brings you in tonight?"

"I have a yeast infection."

Did you call your doctor during office hours? Nope. Did you try OTC Monistat? "No, I would have to pay for that." Why the ambulance? "Well, my family was nervous."

I did a wet prep, woke up a very angry doctor, and discharged her home with instructions to get OTC monistat, the doctor refused to write a rx after he heard the story. Yes, of course, Medicaid.

STORIES LIKE THIS MAKE ME WANT TO BECOME VIOLENT! (not really, but geesh!)

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Specializes in Emergency.

"parasites in my butt after kissing the cat on the mouth".

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Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.

"I've been seen twice for this pain in my lady parts and been told I may have herpes. I came here to get a third opinion."

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"I have a deodorant cap stuck in my lady parts"

"I swallowed a spork" - He actually did and ended up not needing sx somehow

"Im having leg pain"-- I ask the patient to remove his boot, (i already knew there was going to be something nice waiting for me from the smell) hmm no wonder it was full of pooling maggots and black purulent puss dripping.

Oh and lets not forget "I have ants in my lady parts"

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Specializes in Med-Surg, LTC, Psych, Addictions..

How did someone get ants in their vajayjay?

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