Strange things people present to the ER with....

Had 30 y/o male come in last night c/o "copious pee". Left with a dx of "hives". He then wanted a work note for 4-5 days...I said that would not be appropriate because there is no medical reason he can't work with "hives". Take your otc Benadryl and the prescribed Pepcid and have a good day sir.

Complaint: "I'm passing blood clogs"
Diagnosis: Your period

Complaint: "My son's face is swelling up"
Diagnosis: Acne

There's a frequent flyer whose visit reason is usually "Cannot find pulse."

OMG! how does this person function in daily life?

"Baby poops every time it eats"

New parent panic.

A few years back, had a guy come into the ER with a carrot stuck up his behind. Sheesh!

~ Possible retained tampon (okay, you don't remember if you took it out or not? Can't you check your own freaking vagina?)
~ "I hear spiders singing" (sometimes I hear the medcart talk to me after a few 12s in a row...)
~ 240 pound man sat on chest; SOB (this was a 21 year old female)
~ STD check (and it's always a minor...I guess Planned Parenthood is just inconvenient?)
~ "I ate peanut butter last night and now I have a stomachache" (admitted for DKA)
~ "Flipped out at Burger King" (from my charge nurse - 'I guess he didn't have it his way!')
~ "There's something inside of me." (Gentleman wasn't admitted...the vibrator was removed from his rectum by a resident).
~ N/V x 2 hours (no comment)
~ "I've had abdominal pain for a year, but it's worse today" (I guess there's no such thing as a happy medium when it comes to belly pain!)
~ "I'm drunk." (Admitted for DTs...apparently he wanted to stop drinking, so he decided to do several shots of Seagram's as a last hurrah...)
Jess

1.When I worked in an ER. We had a guy come in with a test tube,w/cork up stuck up his butt.He said it happened in his sleep.
2.A guy driving his car from the passenger side,pulled into the ambulance bay one night, & as we provided curb side service, I was the nurse who went out & asked him if he had a problem.When he looked at me strangely & told me "I lost my jar of Peanut Butter". I convinced him to shut the car engine off, & to step into my wheelchair. The EMS crew parked his car & frisked him, before he actually was placed in a room.
3.Another time, another guy, walked into the bay, wearing a bloody white tee shirt, hollering "I've been stabbed" When we asked where" He replied"In my backyard".We asked him again.He replied "In my backyard in ___County". The final question was"Where on your body did you get stabbed"?
4. Then there was the night "Chucky" came to the ER

"Chucky" Cont...It was summer, all the rooms were full, with people next to the walls,outside the rooms. The waiting room was packed.Outside the waiting room door,A line of more waiting to get in.The ER Dr. (Our EMS Director at the time) didn't want to be there,so the nursing staff knew,before the night was over either one of us nurses,or a pt. was going to feel the wrath of the Doc. The addmissions clerk next to the ER, opened the door(with wide eyes)to tell our Ward Sec. that a person, needed some assistance. This "short" dude came in with her, & with his arms crossed, leaning on the desk, was telling the Sec. that he was on vacation & needed a catheter. The ER Doc, homes in on the sound of this person, asking for a cath(Whew, we knew it was gonna be a "wrath to the Pt. night, & the victim had arrived).The Doc & I went to were this guy was, Doc asked"Just what do you need a cath for"? (In a snarky voice)This guy proceds to pop up on the counter ,as he is telling the Dr. "I have a crooked spine,I have to cath myself, & I forgot it..The guy was maybe 3 feet tall had two little nubs for feet,so when he popped up on the counter, it scared the crap out of all three of us.The Sec.rolled away form the desk in her chair, Me & the Doc ,backed up at the same time. He looked at the dude, looked at me & said, "Give him a catheter." Later when the place had cleared,the Dr. was still in a slightly crappy mood, when the Sec. told him."I need to go home now". He asked "Why(in his snarky voice.) She repled" Chuckey scared the crap out of me & I want to go home & change my pants",& can someone clean those nub spots off my counter?" She hadn't soiled her pants,of course, but we all three, had a good laugh