Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!!

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread:

"Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give some days:

1) ATVs & ETOH are bad.

2) Stop drinking a fifth of liquor each day - it's bad for you.

3) If you insist on OD-ing on your Klonopin, just take them all, DO NOT crush them & shoot them up w/your heroin.

4) If you go looking for a fight in a bar, you WILL find one.

:smackingf I could go on and on ..."

I think this is a great idea for a thread! I'd love to hear the responses from our ER nurses!!! :)

[m_blume_rn]

If you can afford cigarettes/alcohol, you can afford tylenol for your child

Here's a good one... Had a mom the other night who brought her 2 yo in with a 105 degree fever. She would leave the kid and go out and smoke every 30 minutes. I went to DC the child, and was asked where the free tylenol samples were, she only got one check a month and couldn't afford it. Well, this time I couldn't keep it in, and said, "if you can afford those cigarettes in your back pocket, you can afford tylenol!" She called my Director 3 times complaining, and also asked when I worked next so she could "meet me in the parking lot". And the killer part is that I got written up, go figure. Guess the part on being a pt advocate doesn't count if it offends anyone...the truth hurts.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

If you can afford cigarettes/alcohol, you can afford tylenol for your child

Here's a good one... Had a mom the other night who brought her 2 yo in with a 105 degree fever. She would leave the kid and go out and smoke every 30 minutes. I went to DC the child, and was asked where the free tylenol samples were, she only got one check a month and couldn't afford it. Well, this time I couldn't keep it in, and said, "if you can afford those cigarettes in your back pocket, you can afford tylenol!" She called my Director 3 times complaining, and also asked when I worked next so she could "meet me in the parking lot". And the killer part is that I got written up, go figure. Guess the part on being a pt advocate doesn't count if it offends anyone...the truth hurts.

Patient Advocacy is always trumped by Political Correctness

Sad but True

We always get in a mess

This makes us Blue

[Suninmyheart]

Wait until you become a nurse, you will feel differently. Sometimes we need humor to get through the day and this is just an expression of that. It does not mean that we do not take care of our patients. BTW, when you graduate if you come to work with this kind of holier-than-thou attitude, you will not be very well liked by your coworkers.

oooh la la - what about my post did you perceive as holier than thou? And what is it about my feeling compassionate and failing to see humor in some of the posts that is ruffling your feathers?

[blynn]

Hey, if she's insinuating that she's going to beat you up in a parking lot, can't you slap a restraining order on her? Or does HR frown on that sort of thing? Does anyone know how that type of scenario would typically play out?

[rgroyer1RNBSN, BSN, RN]

:balloons: Have a Doc who likes to write:

A.) Stop coming in to the ER for your stupid $hit

B.) You dont need to take ems at 0200 am for a sore throat to the nearest trauma center, youll live.

C.) When you play with small animals there probabley going to bite

These are D/C orders id like to write:

A.) Dont take ems for "Just a ride" and then sign out ama so you can go to the store down the street or movie theatre.

B.) Dont leave the waiting/triage area to go across the street to the conveniance store to call ems to get back faster it wont work theyll just drop you back off at my front door by my triage area.

C.) The next time you call ems @ 0200 am for a sore throat were going to put a foley catheter or straight catheter in you to check and make sure its not a uti. It might just get you to go to the urgent care on your own next time.

D.) Little Darlene doesnt need sutures for the puncture wound thats not deep go buy band-aids.:angryfire

[DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN]

I work with an ER doc who firmly believes that everyone over 70 should be required to wear a helmet.

Doing home heath and driving on the interstates I am beginning to understand that thought process. I actually thought of it yesterday, thought hum...that's not really such a bad idea.

[DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN]

I work with an ER doc who firmly believes that everyone over 70 should be required to wear a helmet.

Doing home heath and driving on the interstates I am beginning to understand that thought process. I actually thought of it yesterday, thought hum...that's not really such a bad idea.

The one DC order I'd like to see is. "If ever sick again, go to a different hospital." or "If ever sick again, switch HH agencies."

[andhow5, BSN, RN]

I like the one about taking a bath every day, using soap on every part of the body...

I'd like to add:

1. Brush and floss your teeth. Repeat every day.

2. If you called EMS at 0245 to bring you in for pink eye, it is not our responsibility to "give you" a ride home. You have 2 perfectly good getaway sticks called legs. Use them. Go straight home. We will NOT give you a cab voucher. EVER.

3. For the S/P "Assault" - stay away from the "2 dudes" that beat you down. If you can't avoid them, keep your mouth shut.

4. Next time you come in at least TRY to make up an entertaining story for the ED staff, or at least one that is somewhat consistent with the injuries.

[StuNurseUP]

I would love to order sterilization for stupid people:devil:

[lblondie1128]

Am I the first reader that has found 75% of this thread to be sadly lacking in compassion. I understand the need for humor but come on - some of the disgust is so seething.

The homeless man was a child once who didn't PLAN to grow up and be a homeless drunk. Alcoholism IS a disease and so is mental illness.

Hating oneself so much that they actually put a gun to their head and pull the trigger is a tragedy - the comment about not doing it properly was cruel.

I hope to god I am never an ER patient for any reason that could be "annoying" to the nurses.

Call me an idealist, or a party pooper

yet I had to put in my 2 cents

I praise you for your ability to approach the world like that, but I percieve you have not been a nurse for very long. I found the compassion statement best worded. I have lots of compassion to share, It is just reserved for those who need it. Alot of people need a kick in the butt more.

But if you can keep that feeling toward all of your pts for ever you are definilty touched with a special power.

Oh and truely sick people are never the "annoying" pts.

[Suninmyheart]

I praise you for your ability to approach the world like that, but I percieve you have not been a nurse for very long. I found the compassion statement best worded. I have lots of compassion to share, It is just reserved for those who need it. Alot of people need a kick in the butt more.

But if you can keep that feeling toward all of your pts for ever you are definilty touched with a special power.

Oh and truely sick people are never the "annoying" pts.

Thank you, I appreciate your insight.

[goats'r'us, ASN, RN]

oooh la la - what about my post did you perceive as holier than thou? And what is it about my feeling compassionate and failing to see humor in some of the posts that is ruffling your feathers?

ooh! now you're 'frencher than thou'! my feathers are so ruffled.. (i guess this makes me 'sarcasticer than thou')

kidding, kidding. i think it's great that you're so compassionate, and hope you understand that the posters here aren't necessarily dried up and horrible, they've just seen a lot more than you, and have probably seen these things over and over and over..., and are pretty good at juggling compassion and humour.

remember, whatever happens, someone will find it funny and someone else will be appalled. the trick is to see a little of both. :)