Best ER Nurse quotes

[JennyAS]

To the loudly snoring ETOHer found in an Auto Repair Shop: "Maybe she needs her air filter changed."

To the drug seeker throwing out his best pseudo-seizure: "Sir, that's not a seizure. Stop shaking." Response by pt: Immediately sits straight up and says, "I'm fine... sometimes that happens."

From security guard to combative ETOHer being introduced to his very first Foley: "Just relax and enjoy it!"

Triage nurse note: "Pt presents with L wrist pain, fell while off-road unicycling."

Charge nurse to triage nurse: "I think that 'member suture removal' needs to be upgraded to a level 1."

I think this could turn into a good thread. :wink2:

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

Last time I floated to ER, I worked with a hilarious but very burned out nurse.

"You have to stop being so nice to them. It just makes them come back next time."

[LilgirlRN, ADN, RN]

Actually from a doctor... "This patient's stupidity is incompatible with life."

[KristinEDRN]

Nurse: "Can your boyfriend come in?" Patient: "Well who the **** is he".. after which we had to check to friend's name... i guess she had a few boyfriends

Nurse: "We are going to put a catheter in and you are going to feel some pressure" Patient: "Does it feel like a member?"

... both the same patient

[TheCoppertop]

To a drunk patient who fell and had a head lac:

"This is your tetorifice shot."

"I don't want a shot!"

"Well it prevents lockjaw.. so you can keep drinkin'!"

"Oh, okay."

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

Nurse: "We are going to put a catheter in and you are going to feel some pressure" Patient: "Does it feel like a member?"

... both the same patient

:chuckle. How do you respond to a question like that while keeping a straight face?

[Dragonnurse1, ASN, RN]

you just do but once they are gone you lose it.

i still think one of our doc's favorite diagnosis could be given a code and become an accepted diagnosis

t o stupid to live

tstl yep that sums it up.:hpygrp:

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Hi, I'm your nurse! What stupid ******* thing did you do?

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

LOL ... had a pt's finger vs. paper shredder -- I said in my best Stewie from Family Guy voice, "Now what did we learn?"

[hollysunshine]

Anything can be a suppository if enough force is applied.

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

Anything can be a suppository if enough force is applied.

Oddly enough, at the ED I work at, I have not seen anyone come in for something that they shoved up their you-know-where.

[Anisettes, BSN, RN]

Oddly enough, at the ED I work at, I have not seen anyone come in for something that they shoved up their you-know-where.

You're kidding, a place like that exists? Three times I had a guy come into Triage with a can of shaving cream in the rectum - twice in NYC and once in Vegas. Also in Vegas, I had a guy with an actual potato in his butt, that was the night TRAUMA: LIFE IN THE ER followed me around my shift filming this guy's story. Unfortunately, only the x-ray of said potato ended up getting any screen time, Discovery IS a family channel. I still see Dr. Greenlee standing in front of the x-ray, arms crossed in a bored voice "Yeah, we get all kinds of people in with foreign bodies, vegetative matter." What an understatement!

Ah, sometimes I actually miss the ER...

[talaxandra]

My favourite thing about foreign objects is the stories - dude, just say "I decided to shove this [insert name of inserted object here] up there, even though I could buy a butt plug with a flange to stop it getting lost." Really, that's way less ridiculous than "so I decided to clear out the guttering and because it was such a lovely day I decided to take off my clothes. I slipped off the ladder and fell, yes, miracuously fell from roof height without sustaining so much as a bruise, but landed on the bunch of carrots I'd just pulled out of the vegie patch and that's how it got there. Really? It's peeled and carved into an interesting shape? Hmm, that's odd." Because that story will be remembered 18 years later, by me and everyone I've told the story too.