Anyone Lost A Baby?

NurseyTee · Apr 23, 2007

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost a baby, a little girl @ 22 weeks gestation on June 9th, 2004. That date and the day she was to be born are heavy days for my heart. I think it took me a good year to begin to move on carrying this grief. The hospital took care of buying the plot and burying her. The one thing I regret was that my husband nor I were able to hold her and say goodbye.

I will keep you in my prayers, as that is what sustained me through the pain. Also haveing a very young child at home helped me too. I poured my heart into my children and that did help.

Again, I'm so sorry.

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Apr 23, 2007

I'm sorry (((((((:redbeathe HUG))))))) I understand your pain, I have lost 2 babies. July 1977 @ 28 weeks and March 1988 @ 18 weeks, both little girls. My heart aches for you. I am so sorry. The first time it was very difficult for me to return to work for the same reasons you've mentioned. I want to warn you that undoubtly you will run into some moron who says "I'm sure it was for the best" or "You're young, you can have many more babies". I replied by telling the moron's that although they thought they were being supportive that their statement was cruel and hurtful.

I think it would be wise to go check the schedule before you go back to work. 99% of people have lost a child or love someone who has lost a child and will be kind and understanding. The most loving thing ever said to me was simply "I'm sorry" and a hug. Don't worry about crying, they will understand. You need to grieve your little boy and it takes time. I still have down times that I cry for my lost children. God Bless You Honey.

mstigerlily · Apr 23, 2007

I lost a son at 16 wks in 1998, had backache, water broke, dilated, he came out in the ER feetfirst. Saw him on ultrasound two days prior swimming around sucking his thumb. I had been spotting for a week though, thus the ultrasound, maybe a small abruption? We never figured out why.

I wasn't a nurse then but I had a hard time, everyone does. I never forgot him and I never will. It got better with time passing and babies that came after but I still think about him often. You may need quite a bit of time off, or even a change of work environment, you'll just have to see how it goes. Please see if you can find some support groups either online or IRL, it really helps to talk with others who have lost their babies too. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Hello. I just lost my little boy at 20 weeks gestation last week. I am scared to death to go back to work, not only the fact that I have to face all of my peers with an empty belly and empty heart, but how I am I going to take care of all the miscarriages and ill infants of white trash parents who smoke in the house and all those kinds of things. I feel like it really takes a bit of emotional strength to perform our jobs on a day to day basis, so how am I supposed to do it when I am completely worn down? Have any of you ever been through something like this? Advice? I am thinking about making an appearance to "check the schedule" or something the day before I go back so I can get some of the hugs and things out of the way in case I break down.

TazziRN, RN · Apr 23, 2007

I'm so sorry. I did lose a baby but I didn't know I was pregnant....no time to bond made it easier for me to get past it. I can't even begin to imagine how much more it would have hurt had I been as far along as you.

I don't know if this will help, but when I lost my brother and went back to work in the ER, my coworkers helped me by keeping me out of the trauma room until I was ready to go back in. It took several months. I know you can't avoid all the babies and children and mothers that you want to strangle, but maybe they can help you by keeping you out of the OB room?

Just a thought, I don't know if it's feasible.

justme1972 · Apr 23, 2007

My husband and I lost our son when I was 18 weeks pregnant the first year we were married. Everyone reacts differently...to me it was better not to talk about it...just at work...at home when close friends of mine came over and family it was ok...but it was just too hard for me at work.

I called my manager at my job about a week before I was scheduled to return. I just asked, very kindly, for no one to mention to me at work...and I told her I was afraid I would break down, and she said she understood. She let everyone know.

For me, that was easier, and then a couple of months later I could talk about it without crying, and now I can freely mention my lost child because time is the healer of all wounds.

I know everyone is different, but you need to do what is best for you.

Paprikat · Apr 23, 2007

I lost at 12 weeks, after trying for so long. I had fallopian tube surgery and got pregnant immediately after. It was devastating. I cried and cried and thought that I would never stop. But although the pain will never go away, especially on your due date and little things trigger reminders, it DOES get better. I took a month off work and went in about two weeks after, had tea with my coworkers, received condolences and when I went back to work, there was no dread. I work in LTC and some families I deal with didn't know and I had to tell them then they felt bad.

One suggestion that was given to us by my sister in law is go out, buy a tree, plant it somewhere special, it doesn't have to be in your yard and remember....

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Apr 27, 2007

Im sorry for your loss

NurseLatteDNP, MSN, DNP, RN · Apr 27, 2007

I lost two babies, I know how it feels. It makes it even harder when everyone knows that you were pregnant. I know in the future, I will not spread the news that quick like I used to. When I went back to work, I told my coworkers that I did not want to talk about it, because I knew that I would break down and start crying. They respected that and just gave me a card.

RNtigerEMT · Apr 28, 2007

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughter was stillborn at 6 mths, she would have been 14 this yr. It does get easier, but I am still sitting here with tears running down my face. Take your time, go ahead and cry if you need to. Your coworkers will understand.

The day I got out of the hospital ( day after birth), I had to stop at a local store for some "supplies" and the cashier, whom I knew very well, asked me "When are you going to start showing? You don't even look pregnant." ( I had just barely started showing) I left everything on the counter and left in tears. When she found out what had happened, she felt horrible, but it wasn't her fault. Very few people knew what had happened at that point.

Plant a tree, or a flower garden in memory. It helps. I still hang a stocking every year at Christmas time with her name on it. Any little thing that will help you heal. Don't let anyone else tell you how to feel, or when to stop grieving. 2 yrs ago I got a tattoo of an angel holding an infant, representing my mother and my daughter. It helped me to deal with by telling myself that my mother wanted a granddaughter to bounce onher knee in heaven. (mom died when I was 10) Find something to hang onto. It also helped that I have an older son, who got alot of extra hugs and kisses, to pour all my love into.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss, and do understand what you are going through.

68RN · May 2, 2007

To those who are Catholic, this will probably be easier to understand. Pope Benedict this past week has reversed the Catholic Church's view on Limbo= a special place where unbaptized babies go who did not have original sin removed by way of Baptism. I never understood it anyway. The babies could never have the relationship with Jesus they would have, had they gon eto Heaven!! While it was supposed to be a special place, it was not heaven.

So by reversing their thinking all those babies and young ones have been elevated to heaven.

The reason this is so special to me is I lost a baby in March 1978, and never had it baptized and it worried me all these years that the baby could not enjoy full communion with Jesus in Heaven. My husband and I named the baby just this week, a Biblical name which could be male or female- Jordon Eden. I was less than 3 months pregnant and had been spotting. I was scheduled to work 3-11 on a Saturday night and had been spotting. An on call OB thought it would be okay for me to go to work!!! So I did-boy do we do dumb things sometimes. I finished the shift and went home only to go back to ER in the middle of the night. I remember passing the fetus and calling the desk and the lady wanted to know what I needed- I had to say it over the intercom-I think I lost my baby!! How personal is that???

So I feel your loss and it will get easier, but you will never forget it and as the years go by you will wonder how things could have been. Please do not rush back to your crazy life-take time to grieve and just be still and feel those feelings. It is the best thing you can do. And I hope you name your baby, cause look how long it took me to name mine!!! I feel such a peace about the baby now. We have 4 children and the miscarriage was after baby 3. The next May 79. we had our only boy!! So things did work out.

I am so very sorry for your loss!!! 68RN

NurseLatteDNP, MSN, DNP, RN · May 2, 2007

To those who are Catholic, this will probably be easier to understand. Pope Benedict this past week has reversed the Catholic Church's view on Limbo= a special place where unbaptized babies go who did not have original sin removed by way of Baptism. I never understood it anyway. The babies could never have the relationship with Jesus they would have, had they gon eto Heaven!! While it was supposed to be a special place, it was not heaven.
So by reversing their thinking all those babies and young ones have been elevated to heaven.

I am Catholic, and I always knew from the beginning that my babies were in Heaven with God.

Happy-ER-RN, RN · May 2, 2007

Thank you all so much. I am back at work now and somehow making it through. I have noticed that I have lost my ability to stay detached from my patients. I mean, I am always caring and kind to my patients, but, for example, yesterday I was discharging my patient who was just told she had an ovarian mass. I knew that if she ended up having cancer this day would be etched into her memory forever, the last day of her normal life, the beginning of torture. The way the day was that I got the bad ultrasound. I realized that the way I treated her or maybe even the way I looked at her may be something she remembers forever, as are some of things my nurse said and did the day I lost my baby. I hurt more for my patients now, and I don't necessarily think that's a good thing. I think you have to be able to detach a little to survive in the ER. I hope I can regain that ability.