Handling the "R" word

Specialties Disabilities

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How assertive are you all about approaching people who use the "r" word? I have a co-worker who is aggressive about it to the point where she nearly got into a fight with a young woman at Target who was going through the housewares aisles calling just about everything other item retarded. I don't bother with those people, because face it, they're clueless and they're going to stay clueless. Years ago, I became incensed with my own husband for using the term retard (our son has autism and learning difficulties, although we have been told repeatedly over the years that the IQ tests that qualify him for an intellectual disability diagnosis can't really be relied on because of some of the issues the autism creates around testing. I suspect this is the case with many of our kids who qualify for the intellectual disability diagnosis- I have met so many people with autism performing above what would be expected relative to their measured IQ). Those reactions- not bothering with the stranger at Target and being appalled by my husband's remarks are probably pretty common. (Oh, and I just want to clarify that my husband didn't call our son a retard. Reading that sentence back, I thought maybe that could be unclear).

I wonder, too, if others find themselves thinking less of people due to their indiscriminate use of the "r" word. I don't hesitate to speak up if I think the person who uses the term should know better. That includes nurses and other healthcare professionals and anyone who is employed in the education system. I don't care if you're the janitor, you should refer to the students with respectful language and the building principal should include that in all first day on the job behavior expectation talks. What I'll do most often, though, is just repeat what the other person has said, replacing the offensive word with something more respectful. How do you all handle it?

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
this is an aberration of political correctness. "retarded", literally means stunted in growth or development. it applies perfectly to 95% of political actions and better than 80% of, "as seen on tv...!", products.:)

it developed a negative social connotation when it became synonymous with "stupid".

from webster, online:

words have concrete meanings. when we (try to)change them to suit social or political desires, we deconstruct our language, and "retard" our society.

i, personally, am retarding. i retard ignorance, constrain it with definition, and crush it with will, wit and the light of truth!:smokin:

it is so easy to be offended, and so difficult to educate with grace.

i don't have a family member who is developmentally disabled, intellectually challenged or mentally retarded. consequently i don't know the current buzzwords to describe the condition, and i might be guilty of using the term "mentally retarded" to describe someone who is profoundly challenged intellectually . . . not trying to offend anyone, but trying to describe the situation to someone who needs to know. the next shift, for example. "mentally retarded" used to be the correct and professional way to describe such a person.

"black" used to be the correct way to describe someone of african descent and whose skin is very, very dark. and then, one day it became offensive as americans of african descent chose to be called "african americans." that term has been used to the point of silliness to describe anyone with dark pigmentation . . . the women from ethiopia traveling through our country with no intention of staying and no grasp of the english language, for example. that woman was ethiopian. the colleague who described her as "african american" was trying to allude to race without being offensive. (race was a factor in her condition.)

it's all too easy to be offended by someone who had no idea they were being offensive. who had no intention of being offensive. i wish we'd all just try to get along.

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

But no one walks through Target, looks at an ugly lamp and says "that's so African American". They do it all the time with the terms retarded and gay, as if being either of those things is so inferior that it is just fine to compare them to anything anyone else finds ugly, stupid, silly or inane. Thankfully, it isn't just family members of individuals with developmental disabilities or gay people and their loved ones that are rallying against using these terms in intentionally denigrating ways.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

i can honestly say i've never walked through target, looked an an ugly lamp and said "that's so mentally retarded."

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

There's the MR term, and then there's the R word. People who use the term MR are just a bit out of the loop and making an honest effort to note an individual's condition. People who use the R word disparagingly are not attempting to use the term correctly. They're attempting to be funny. And those attempts are never amusing at all.

Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

The point is, that people are more than a color, diagnosis, or disability. I don't call my students "special needs kids". Each is an individual, with individualized special needs. In a similar manner, I am more than my color, which happens to be black. Yes, I teach my kids not to be ashamed if someone calls them black, but I am much more than a color, that happens to be an inaccurate description of my red/ brown/ caramel complexion.Btw: what illness was related to the patients race? What about my nephews and nieces with gray eyes and skin lighter than that of some Caucasians? Would their race/color be relevant in their diagnosis?

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I have an awful feeling that the 'r'-word---meaning stupid or idiotic---has come back into use because a lot of us Baby Boomers used the term out of habit back in the '60s and '70s. I remember being shocked to hear MY kids throwing that word around the neighborhood some 20-odd years later. We never meant anything really insulting by it; whenever kids made fun of a "developmentally delayed" person, they usually called him/her an "M.R." instead of "retard" or "retarded".

None of that was OK. But now the current generations seem to have made further refinements to the 'r'-word ("libtard" and "f-tard" come to mind), and IMHO those are more insulting than the academic use of 'mentally retarded' as a descriptor in the case of a person of low intellect. But then, I guess I'm a product of my time, and some of the terms we used back in the day don't sound as harsh to my ears as they might to later generations.

Of course, the same can also be said of the generation before mine, to whom the 'n'-word, along with "guinea", "kraut" and other ethnically-related terms, were "just words". Nobody wants to hear those anymore. And while I think political correctness has indeed run completely amok, everyone should use some sensitivity to the way certain terms affect those at whom they are directed. Which is one of the many reasons why I don't use the 'r-word anymore.:saint:

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
"black" used to be the correct way to describe someone of african descent and whose skin is very, very dark. and then, one day it became offensive as americans of african descent chose to be called "african americans." that term has been used to the point of silliness to describe anyone with dark pigmentation . . . the women from ethiopia traveling through our country with no intention of staying and no grasp of the english language, for example. that woman was ethiopian. the colleague who described her as "african american" was trying to allude to race without being offensive. (race was a factor in her condition.)

i recently saw comedian josh blue's routine in which he discusses being born in cameroon (africa). which, of course, makes him an "african-american", being an american born in africa.

i have a friend whose family is from the west indies. her skin may be "black" but she hates to have to check-mark "african-american" when filling out forms. she considers herself to be "caribbean" rather than "african" in heritage.

being politically correct in many cases means being very incorrect.

Specializes in Infectious Disease, Neuro, Research.
What about my nephews and nieces with gray eyes and skin lighter than that of some Caucasians? Would their race/color be relevant in their diagnosis?

In the ED, if they arrived with acute, severe SOB, it would be differential in SS, versus wasting time on an aerosol tx for asthma.

I wonder what the general reaction would be if I had a crying, yelling demonstration over being called "white", and not by my lineage-Cornovii or Biturges.:cool: Equally, any report on me had better include, "DIABETIC"- it is what I am, and it has critical implications, poorly conveyed by fumbling, verbal self-gratification.

Specializes in Cath lab, acute, community.

I can completely understand your co-workers reaction to the lady at Target, however I think sometimes the best approach would be to say "that can really, really hurt some people if you say that word". If they don't get the clue, they never will. I feel the same about the word "Spasticated" or "spastic", which I have heard used in reference to cerebral palsy as a derogatory term, not as the medical term. Kids often say it, and I think that's a great time to "nip it in the bud"

Specializes in Emergency.

People do seem to go through target saying "Thats so African American" but they use the more crazy less "racial term, "That's so Ghetto"

It's a tough one. I usually do not bother if someone is referring to housewares. But I do bother if it is someone saying"you are so retarded" And when someone uses MR as a descriptor for a person, they probably are trying to be correct in a clinical setting.... these days there are so many terms in use... developmentally Disabled, mentally challenged, developmentally challenged. It is hard ot know which is the preferred one.

With that, I am headed off to chaperone our athletes at the Special Olympics at Disney this morning. Hope I don't drop an R bomb anywhere!!!

Specializes in Geriatric/Sub Acute, Home Care.

I dont think that any word is appropriate to use because it directs you right to the disability itself. It only draws attention right to it. And then people in their own minds eye make their own picture....until the person comes into view. Then the person who heard the WORD, can determine in their own mind the severity of the disability themselves....most people can view a person in a Wheelchair who has a broken toe as BEING DISABLED or physically challenged, even before they know the whole story behind why they are in a wheelchair. People always form their own conclusions before more information is retrieved. We should know this very well by our own News media in this country....they never get the story straight at first until more information comes in.

I wonder, too, if others find themselves thinking less of people due to their indiscriminate use of the "r" word.

I think MUCH less of people when I hear them use 'the R word' offensively, I think less of anyone when I hear them use any pejorative. To me it's as foul as any ethnic slur.

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