need help--husband died at home

Specialties Cardiac

Published

Hi, First of all, let me say I am a 39 year old nursing student and on Sunday, March 11, my husband died. This may be a long post so please bear with me. You see, I have been beating myself up over everything that happened and if there was anything else I could possibly have done to save him. My husband was 54 years old, had already had two heart attacks and two different bypass surgeries, was a type 2 diabetic on three different kinds of insulin, and numerous other types of medications. He had been awake for a couple of hours and I think he took some meds and possibly his first insulin injection but I don't really know for sure. He was not complaining about any chest pain or anything else. He went and sat down in his favorite recliner and I was talking to him from the kitchen not out of eyesight because the rooms are open-type setup. He didn't answer me so I looked over at him and he had thrown his head back against the chair and his arms had stiffened at his side. I ran over to him and it was as if he was gasping for air; his pulse was irregular and very bradycardic so I called 911 and was performing CPR simultaneously. Several times after I gave rescue breaths, it seemed as if he was almost gasping. I did everything I was told to do by the 911 operator and paramedics were here within 5 minutes. I had 5 paramedics working on him and when they hooked up the monitor I kept hearing them say "asystole". Does this mean that he never had any heart rythm? PLEASE tell me there is nothing else I could have done for him. The truly sad part is that my 5 year old and 14 year old sons were witness to the whole ordeal. I will appreciate any replies. Pam

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Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.

I am sorry for your loss. I know that no time is ever the right time to lose a loved one, but given his health history this may have just been his time. Wishing you and your family much strength.

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Specializes in Diabetes ED, (CDE), CCU, Pulmonary/HIV.

Please don't keep beating yourself up over this. It sounds as though you did everything you could. Please don't add guilt to your grief. Be there for your children and give them the attention they need at this sorrowful time. If you are a religious person, talk to your clergyman and try to take strength from your faith.

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

pam, condolences to you and your family

i wish peace for you in the days ahead

your husband had a tired old heart in a youngish man's body

let those problematic thoughts go

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Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.

You will be in my prayers...as well as your children.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear husband.

You are a brave woman, and from the information you gave us, I believe you did everything possible to help him. It sounds to me like he really never had a chance, especially not with his health history; however, it may be of some comfort to you to know that in all likelihood he didn't suffer, and that is a blessing.

Whatever you do, PLEASE talk things over with someone you can trust---a friend, a close relative, a clergyperson, even a therapist. This experience would be traumatic for anyone, healthcare worker or not, and both you and your children will need time to process all of this.

I wish you the best. Please keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

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Specializes in Gerontological, cardiac, med-surg, peds.

(((((((Pam)))))))

According to the ACLS Provider Manual (2006, p.61):

The prognosis for cardiac arrest with asystole is very poor. A large percentage of asystolic patients do not survive.

You did everything you could possibly have done and paramedics were on the scene within 5 minutes. There was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this (given your husband's extensive cardiac history and risk factors). I am so sorry for your loss and your children's loss. I lost my father from an apparent massive heart attack at age 12. My last memory was my father lying on the couch, blue and unresponsive. Although I miss him terribly to this day, I have taken comfort over the years that he went quietly and peacefully and did not suffer. I agree with the others - Please seek counseling for yourself and your children from a trusted clergyperson or therapist. Please also know we care and that you and your children will be in our thoughts and prayers.

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pam, you are in my prayers. peggy

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Specializes in Tele, ICU, ER.

You can count on my prayers for you and your children. What an awful thing to go through. It does sound like it was his time, and nothing more you could have done would have changed the outcome. Please let that thought go. As others have said, find support, in clergy, family, professional therapy, or whatever works for you.

You have a horribly sad situation and I hope you are even a little bit comforted knowing that you have friends and support here.

God bless.

Steph

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Thanks so much for all your support and prayers-I really do appreciate all your kind words. I really just needed reassurance I guess from those of you that are "in the know" about the way things happened. I just keep replaying the whole thing over and over in my head and it was just a totally normal day with no warning whatsoever and no time for any last words to say to each other. Another thing I had thought at first when it happened that it could have been extremely low blood sugar but I checked his meter and his sugar was 139 just prior to this, so I really believe in my heart that it had to have been a heart attack. I have lost my best friend in the world!

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Specializes in ED, Pedi Vasc access, Paramedic serving 6 towns.

Hello,

I am a paramedic and have done, unforntuatly, many cardiac arrests in people's homes.

I can tell you that asystole is not a good sign, and it means the persons heart is tired and diseased and no matter what we or the family are able to do the person cannot be brought back. Your husband may have been in a vtach or vfib and went into asystole after a shock, which is again a very ominous sign that his heart was tired and diseased and unable to recover.

It sounds like you did everything right, called 911, did CPR... and most important you were there for him.

So please do not feel guilty, but also know that this guilt is a normal part of the grieving process even if it is unfounded, and no matter how much any of us tell you you have no reason to be guilty you may still feel that way for a while.

You and your family are in my prayers. I wish you the best.

Swtooth

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I am sorry for your loss. You might consider checking to see if there are groups geared toward grieving children in your area. Your kids are probably thinking the same things you are. Best wishes.

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