3 yr. old son not talking much-is this normal?

BarbPick · Dec 1, 2003

Sometimes children do not speak because everything is anticipated by the parent to meet the childs needs, so why should he or she ask?

live4today, RN · Dec 1, 2003

I know several children in the same category as your son. They are all in my family too. They also turned out to be quite vocal, verbal, academically gifted, and go-getters. When your little one is ready to say something, watch out.....it just might blow your socks off.

I remember when the kindergarten teacher told me my middle daughter was not ready for school because of her scores in the language development area. HA! I sent her anyway, and she made the honors reading group...top five in her kindergarten class. She stayed on the honor roll all through college, and is a nurse today. So don't believe everything you are told about the development of your child.

Let your child develop as naturally and as normally as possible.......at his own pace. :)

kids · Dec 1, 2003

Have you talked to his Ped? His Ped is your single best reference.

At some time or an other every parent fears they have somehow failed their child, even "experienced" parents. Compairing your child to other peoples children or allowing others to do so ONLY makes you feel worse.

The newborn screanings are just that and will not catch a progressive hearing loss, the fact he mimics the TV is an indicator he is hearing. Has he had any illnesses with high fever or neurological implications (meningitis, encephalitis?), any history of head traume? Prematurity? Recurrent ear infections?

There are "normal ranges" when it comes to language and speech skills but at the same time every child is different. Some kids are chatty, some are not. What is more important than how much he talks is how many words does he know? One factor that can have a huge impact is how much direct conversation and spoken word they are exposed to...a pre-school teacher talking to the group, parents talking to each other and television are not the same. Children learn speech by being spoken to.

Young children (2.5-3 year olds) who can say their ABC's, say the Pledge have been taught to do it, I honestly don't think it is any kind of indication of intelligence more an indication of parental persistance in a receptive child.

The book I have in front of me gives the guidelines for referral if a communication impairment (at 2-3 years old) as: (1) limited response to environmental sounds (2) does not seem to hear parental requests for their attention (3)does not use syllables or words (4) speech is difficult to understand by 3 yo (5) responds to visual but not verbal cues.

I can not stress strong enough that you discuss your concerns with the Ped. If there is any sort of a delay the Ped is the starting point and the gate keeper for testing and services. If your child does need services they are best started sooner rather than later.

I would recommend getting your hands on a Peds textbook and reading up on it, I just don't have the composition skills to translate 2 pages into a paragraph to explain all that goes into it. Your community college (and some public) libraries have books in their reference section.

ilovetheelderly · Dec 1, 2003

My cousin's son also had this happen to her son and they ended first getting more extensive testing with his hearing and after some neurological testing was done, doc determined that due to traveling from one country to another r/t job relocating the son had gone through some traumatic experience and his talking was affected. She was a stay at home mom and her hubby was a dentist. Anyways, to make a long story short, he is enlisting soon in the armed services and is doing well. Check it out and do what you have to as far as advocating your son because things do slip up sometimes. Lord, willing everything will be fine, you're in my prayers!!

bergren · Dec 1, 2003

Reply from a school nurse who has worked several years in early intervention:

Is he just three or 3 1/2 - After seeing your pediatrician, I would call your local school district and ask for an early childhood assessment to assess the need for early intervention. I agree with the posts above, that he is just a late boomer, but they will use assessment tools that will objectively evaluate if he is developing in a spheres as he should and it is possible to do adiomentry on 3 year old if performed by a person who is used to testing young children.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Dixen81 · Dec 1, 2003

ham22,

This sounds EXACTLY like my son. We had his hearing tested as well, and it was good. We also had him psychologically evaluated, and he tested above average in his cognitive skills. He is now 4 1/2 and talks a LOT more. He is also a little computer whiz (he's been on the computer since before he could walk...his dad is a programmer), and he is also a whiz with puzzles and building things (legos, tinker toys, extensive train tracks, etc), and above average with his writing skills. Kids develop in different areas at different paces. It's hard not to compare him with other children, especially when people tell you that something must be wrong with him because he is not talking as much as their child. I found out that even some of our relatives thought something was wrong with our son and even wondered if he was autistic. Try not to worry. I read somewhere that Albert Einstein didn't talk till he was four years old, and when Beethoven was a child, people thought he was retarded.

Try not to worry; he's still quite young, and I'll bet he's just fine. :kiss

susanmary · Dec 1, 2003

Originally posted by kids-r-fun
Have you talked to his Ped? His Ped is your single best reference.

At some time or an other every parent fears they have somehow failed their child, even "experienced" parents. Compairing your child to other peoples children or allowing others to do so ONLY makes you feel worse.

The newborn screanings are just that and will not catch a progressive hearing loss, the fact he mimics the TV is an indicator he is hearing. Has he had any illnesses with high fever or neurological implications (meningitis, encephalitis?), any history of head traume? Prematurity? Recurrent ear infections?

There are "normal ranges" when it comes to language and speech skills but at the same time every child is different. Some kids are chatty, some are not. What is more important than how much he talks is how many words does he know? One factor that can have a huge impact is how much direct conversation and spoken word they are exposed to...a pre-school teacher talking to the group, parents talking to each other and television are not the same. Children learn speech by being spoken to.
Young children (2.5-3 year olds) who can say their ABC's, say the Pledge have been taught to do it, I honestly don't think it is any kind of indication of intelligence more an indication of parental persistance in a receptive child.

The book I have in front of me gives the guidelines for referral if a communication impairment (at 2-3 years old) as: (1) limited response to environmental sounds (2) does not seem to hear parental requests for their attention (3)does not use syllables or words (4) speech is difficult to understand by 3 yo (5) responds to visual but not verbal cues.

I can not stress strong enough that you discuss your concerns with the Ped. If there is any sort of a delay the Ped is the starting point and the gate keeper for testing and services. If your child does need services they are best started sooner rather than later.

I would recommend getting your hands on a Peds textbook and reading up on it, I just don't have the composition skills to translate 2 pages into a paragraph to explain all that goes into it. Your community college (and some public) libraries have books in their reference section.

Wonderful post. Definitely discuss this with your child's pediatrician ... and go from there. Remember, the pediatrician is a starting point ... you can always have his hearing tested by specialists in audiology. You know your child better than anyone else; however, the fact that people are questioning his hearing is a red flag -- you really need to address this.

It's hard raising children -- especially the first one. You sound like a very caring mom, and I'm sure you will follow through on this. Don't feel guilty (sort of impossible thing at times) and realize that you are doing the best you can. Continue reading to him, play music (especially kid-friendly music -- great in the car).

--You son marches to the beat of his own drum ... don't ever worry that so-and-so's kiddo is reciting the Gettysburg Address and he is only three -- it doesn't matter. What matters is that you do the best you can, get help for your son if he needs it, and be less frustrated on what he isn't doing and focus on his special gifts. Enjoy your baby ... he's such a gift.

crankyasanoldma · Dec 1, 2003

I had a similar experience with one of my children. The pedi is your first stop for a hearing screen. The pedi may recommend you for further testing, say to an ENT. My child had an ABR (audilogic brainstem response test - I think) and a hearing booth test.

I got serviced throught Early Childhood Intervention (administered through United Cerebral Palsy, althought my child does not have CP). It was very easy with the therapist coming to our home.

When my child 'aged out' of ECI at 3 1/2, we followed up with the school district. They will provide repeat testing (their own) and services if necessary. The school district is actually very interested in your child already as he will be a future student. Many schools now offer preschool programs for kids with a need. Here, it is open to kids with english as a second lanuguage, medical disability, or any other demonstrated need. It is not available to everyone.

The worst case scenario is paying for evaluation and treatment yourself. We see a pediatric neurodevelopmentalist annually to double check on all our other services. It is costly. We don't use the services his office provides, again too expensive.

In the meantime, make your Dr appointment and write a list of the words you child can say. You will be asked this number by someone. There are many reasons why kids don't speak, and there is a great window for development in children's speech. You may get temporarily stuck in the window between ECI and the school district, but you can still use that time to develop an action plan.

I'm a big believer in early intervention, especially regarding speech. My husband is a 'let's wait and see' kinda guy. Your child may have no problems at all (perhaps he is simply a quite observant type), but investigation is definately warranted if you are concerned.

Finally, your examples of the two-year olds- try, try, try to not compare kids. I know how hard that is, but every child is different, and grows and matures and excells at different things and at different rates and times. Some of the speech window spans as much as 8 years.

Anagray, BSN · Dec 1, 2003

Hi!

>

U are a wonderful, caring mother. I am sure that this has nothing to do with your parenting skills. You are doing great!

As far as your son - others gave you great advice.

My friend's son did not talk until he was about 4. However, he compensated in other areas - such as fine motor skills and logical and abstract thinking.

My son, who is 4, always had above average vocabulary and speech patterns, he is a visual learner, but he has such bad fine motor skills, that we are starting OT before kindergarten.

Good luck with everything!

uk_nurse · Dec 1, 2003

can i ask is anyone talking for your son? Does he just point and grunt and you know what he is saying? If this is so he may think well they understand what i want so why should i talk. This is very common and i have seen it many times. This is just a suggestion as usually there is nothing wrong with the child's lanuage skills just child being lazy.

kids · Dec 1, 2003

Originally posted by uk_nurse
can i ask is anyone talking for your son? Does he just point and grunt and you know what he is saying? If this is so he may think well they understand what i want so why should i talk. This is very common and i have seen it many times. This is just a suggestion as usually there is nothing wrong with the child's lanuage skills just child being lazy.

In the midst of my long post last night I forgot to mention...my youngest (now 19 yo) never verbalized a complete thought ot spoke a complete sentance until he went to kindergarden, between his 2 older siblings and I he never had to.

A little chuckle for the OP that I hope it makes her feel better:

Last night my daughter and I were talking about her 11 month old (and the challenges of raising him) she said "I feel sorry for first babies, they are the practice kid".