3 yr. old son not talking much-is this normal?

EvilJen · Dec 1, 2003

I don't really know anything about childrens development and milestones. But I'm told by my Mum I didn't talk till I was quite old. Ive got a twin and I just used to communicate through him. If I wanted something Id just ask him and hed ither get it or say to my parents "Jenny wants ----" Even now, I dont really talk, like some people, just for the sake of it. So maybe hes just gonna be naturally quiet.

I read somewhere, and this is going to sound well cheesy, it was in Flowers in the Attic, that one of the characters was a "quiet river that ran deep." think its kinda cool any way...

ham22 · Dec 1, 2003

thanks so much to all of you who have responded to my post. you have all gave me such wonderful advice and i don't feel like we are the only ones to have ever gone through this. i truely believe that our son is just being stubborn and will come into his own eventually. he has never had any illness or head trauma and not even a single ear infection that could contribute to him not talking . he dances when i turn music on and runs into the living room during the opening music to his favorite movie (which is smokey and the bandit) in my heart i feel that he will be just fine. but when my own mother and my father-in-law keep telling me there is something wrong i have just started to beleive it. i will truely take everyone's suggestions to heart. thanks again! god bless! :)

LydiaGreen · Dec 19, 2003

I am not a peds nurse (student starting pregrad) and am by no means an expert but the other posters have given you some great advice. It may well be that you and your husband do anticipate his needs or respond quickly to his first indication that he needs something. Not a bad thing, don't get me wrong. You are just being parents. Both of my children were very early talkers, my son (my first) had first word by eight months, two or three word sentences by a year. My daughter was a month earlier than him with both (doc said that when sibs are very close in age that it bridges learning and enables them to develop more quickly because they have someone on their own level to learn from). Both of my children have been surrounded by other children in different age ranges all of their lives (my husband has a very large family, four sisters and five brothers and all of them have at least two children, some as many as five). Children do seem to learn more quickly from other children. Is your son involved in any playgroups?

I have a niece that is a year older than my son. When she was three and a half she came to stay with us for two weeks while Mommy and Daddy went on a vacation. They were very concerned about her delayed speech but within four hours of her arriving it was obvious why. She would put her hand on the fridge door and grunt if she wanted a drink. She would go to the cupboard and grunt if she wanted something to eat. She had never had to use speech to get what she wanted before. My husband and I insisted that she at least try to verbalize something that sounded like what she wanted (juice, milk, cookie, etc.). She learned very quickly by mimicking my son. She was speaking in sentences by the time they got home and they were FLOORED by the difference. She was capable of it all along, just never had any reason to use it. Perhaps this is not true in your case but it is worth looking at... it is natural for a parent to respond immediately to a child, we have to be conscious of doing it and condition ourselves not to.

While both of my children were very early with language, their motor development was within the normal range while some of their peers developed motor skills much earlier than them while their language skills were delayed. Each child will develop in their own time and as you said, your son may just be being stubborn... they tend to do that. My son potty-trained himself. He was 21 and half months old when my daughter was born. She came home from the hospital, he stripped off his diaper and said, "Mikey's the big brother, no more poopy pants," and that was it! He used the potty. I figured my daughter should also be trained by two because it was so easy with my son... we aggresively potty-trained with books, videos, rewards, a girlie-type potty... it was ridiculous. At two and a half she was still resisting us so, I gave up. Two weeks later, she was trained. I had to stop pushing the issue and then she was willing.

One of the previous posters is soooo right... the first kid is the test kid. I NEVER let my son fall, over-protective in the extreme. When he was two he would launch himself off of the furniture, steps, top of the slide, whatever, because he knew Mommy would catch him. My mother told me that my sister broke her leg at three because my mother had always been able to catch her in time before that. My mother said I should let my son fall while his bones were still soft enough not to break. I did, feeling guilty the whole time, and he learned to be cautious with a few scraped knees and bruised shins. But, my mom was right. And I did him a favour by letting him get hurt a little then, instead of a lot later.

yosemitenut · Jan 28, 2004

I am not a nurse but have been a child daycare provider for 18 years. I care for children from newborn thru the age of 4. I have a little girl right now that I care for who will be 4 years old in 5 months. She too doesn't not speak well at all. I've tried encouraging her parents to seek out professional help. They took her to the pediatrician who tested her hearing and said it was fine. We already knew that. I've honestly never had a child THIS far behind in language development. I am very concerned for her. She understands everything so that is not the problem. She is just unable to expand beyond her vocabulary. She cannot express herself. SHe uses the same handful of words over and over. She cannot put 2 words together unless it's her 'normal' words. Today for instance, we were picking up blocks. I asked her to hand me the red block, which she did. I said 'say RED BLOCK. She said 'block'... I said 'say RED block'......again just 'BLOCK', then I said, say "Red", she said 'RED'. So i phrased her for that and asked her again to say 'RED BLOCK', again it was only the last word that she could say. This is how it always is. IF she can repeat the word, she can only say it if given the word, and usually then it's not always understandable. I think, in my unprofessional opinion, she has a processing problem. She knows what it is she wants to say, but I can tell by her gestures and the faces she makes, that she doesn't know HOW to say it.

If she were MY child. I would have had her in speech therapy as soon as my daycare provider brought it up. I've been trying to work with her and talk to the parents now for over a year.

Sad. Very,very sad. I am happy to here it when parents take the time to get their children the help they need.

teachmespeech.com · Apr 11, 2004

The 3 yr olds I've seen who are not talking much have benefitted from speech therapy. I agree with others who have suggested an evaluation - and you do want to rule out any hearing problem...speech sounds have various frequencies and dB levels.

I've heard "he just didn't talk until he was three" but have never found it to be that simple. There are specifics of speech and language development which aren't common knowledge, and children can be tested on receptive (understanding) and expressive (using) language even from birth to three, within a couple of months range. There are a lot of pre-verbal skills children need before speaking, some of these being linked to social skills and cognitive ability. Delayed language may easily be corrected or could indicate something more serious, so it's good to look further into this.

Some children are affected by their environment, siblings, not having to communicate much, but it makes a lot of sense that if a child COULD say words and sentences, they'd do so, their life would be easier. Some children have oral motor difficulties and just can't coordinate the sounds - it's heartbreaking when the parent "holds out", insisting the child say words he can't, and I've seen many parents blamed by others when it is not a problem with their parenting. At times, a child may get a word out correctly, but not be able to do it every time.

In addition to pre-verbal skills, we look at how children use language, do they use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc? Do they only imitate what others say or common phrases? Do they use words to greet people, ask for things, express "no" and so on. There's much more detail to this. Hopefully you can access services... at three, I'd call the school system and ask about preschool services.

prairiegirl · Apr 11, 2004

Hello. My son will turn 3 years old in Feb. 2004 and he is hardly talking at all. My husband and I are very worried and frustrated at the same time. Alot of people keep telling us that there is something wrong with him or that he can't hear. We know that his hearing is fine because he had his ears tested a few weeks after he was born and the tests were fine. He also mimics things he hears off of the television or from us adults. When we work with him he just won't say what we are trying to get him to say. He's not saying any full sentences either. The most he will say is two words at a time. (when he feels like saying them) and those are pretty simple things like"Oh, No" or "thank you". Other people tell me that their kids were saying the alphabet by the time they were 2 and the pledge of allegience by the time they were 2 and a half. I feel like I have failed him somehow and that he should be rambling on and on by now. This is our first child, our pride and joy and I just need to know if this is normal behavior because I am getting so worried about him. Should he be talking more by now? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

I did not talk until I was 4 or 5 (I would only say 1 or 2 words at a time). I "could" talk, I just would not. My parents spent hudreds of dollars on testing and speech therapists, only to find out I had no "problems". I had an older sister, and I'd just let her talk for me. Does your child have an older sibling? I still prefer not to talk much, I am just very shy. Just a possibility as it was my case.

wrmbreeze · Apr 11, 2004

my daughter will be 3 in Oct. we discussed this very same thing with her doc a few visits ago. She told us to start making her say what she wanted instead of grunting and pointing.We were also to allow her to be near other kids for example at the park. that was right after she turned 2. Now she will not shut up!!!! just bear with your son he'll get there when he wants to not when you want him to.

nurseunderwater · Apr 11, 2004

my 1st son spoke at 13 months and said clock - #2 will be 3 in june and still has difficulty with the ends of words, 2 syllable words but does speak well enough to get his point across.

I know that this can be worrisome. I contacted ECI here in TX, they offer develpomental and speech screening and has a speech therapist come to my house 1X week for 45 min. She helps me gain new ideas in working w/ him to develop his language skills. I also brought him in to an ENT for a hearing screen at around 2.5 to be sure that his bouts w/ ear infections had not caused a loss of hearing. He checked out ok, and the therapist has assured me that developmentaly he is fine.

Just an aside...he is also much more co-ordinated than my early talker...I feel like he has been working on other areas of his development aside from speech. It's coming and can be frustrating at times I know. All kiddos are different. Maybe yours is just busy doing other things :)

PS: ECI is a free program....maybe your state offers something similar...

allnurses Guide · Apr 11, 2004

Someone posted on this exact subject a few months back so please don't feel all alone.

I highly recommend the following book "The Einstein Syndrome: Bright Children Who Talk Late" by Thomas Sowell for late talkers. It really is so very helpful and gives you lots of information to follow up on.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0465081401/qid=1081655158/sr=1-20/ref=sr_1_20/103-2614080-6119046?v=glance&s=books

From Book News, Inc.

Sowell (Stanford U.) presents the sequel to his 1997 book, Late- Talking Children; both focus on studies of exceptionally bright children who are also unusually slow to develop spoken language. The new book incorporates new information on the topic plus findings from a recent study conducted by Stephen Camarata (speech language pathology, Vanderbilt U. Medical Center). Coverage includes hard statistical data about the highly unusual individual and family patterns found in Sowell's and Camarata's studies; possible explanations of these patterns; challenges in evaluating such children; the pros and cons of early intervention programs; and coping strategies for parents of such children. Accessible to both parents and professionals.Book News, Inc.®, Portland, OR

(Get both books :)

steph

zippityzen · Apr 11, 2004

Hello, just thought I would comment. I have 3 children with autism spectrum disorder. Two of which are high functioning and my middle child is low functioning. I believe any signs of speech delay should be looked at especially when accompanied with echolalic speech (repeating jingles, commercials etc.) It may be absolutely nothing but if you are dealing with a delay of some kind, now is definately the time to act. All children with delays definately benefit from good therapy but the younger the better :) If you saw my oldest today you probably would not think there was a thing wrong with him Usually people say that he is quirky :) His vocabulary is amazing and other than social areas he appears typical. At 2 1/2 he would not use any meaningful communication, no pointing, words anything, but he could recite the entire movie of Mary Poppins or rattle off lines from episodes of Blues Clues. He also had very little eye contact, appeared to have a hearing problem (hearing is perfect), would line up toys a lot (or books), and some textures bothered him (couldn't walk barefoot on the beach etc.) I'm just throwing out some typical signs of autism and not at all suggesting that your child may have autism. I feel that if I had not pursued early treatment for my children, they would not be doing as well today as they are. I guess to make a long story short, it never hurts to call Early Intervention and have some testing done, it's free and the therapists make testing fun for the children.