Your Favorite one liner used with patients

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I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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I took care of a former astronaunt. He had surgery and I was getting him out of bed for the first time. I asked him if this was harder than walking on the moon. I had also asked him if he believed in aliens.:clown:

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Whenever I have pt's complain about the amount of tape on their person I say, Didn't anybody tell you it's hospital policy that you have to have at least a pound of tape before you can be discharged. That usually gets a good laugh

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Specializes in OB high rish low risk PP antepart..

When pts tell me that they don't want anything for pain in labor I tell them they have 3 options

1. Nothing--Pain is free you can have all you want.

2. Iv meds

3. Epidural

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Specializes in Looking at: ER-Trauma-CC.

When someone is giving me a 'tude about taking their meds: "Look, I gotta get these in ONE of your holes.. you can choose which"

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i took care of a former astronaunt. he had surgery and i was getting him out of bed for the first time. i asked him if this was harder than walking on the moon. i had also asked him if he believed in aliens.:clown:

i'm curious - did he believe in aliens?

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When someone is giving me a 'tude about taking their meds: "Look, I gotta get these in ONE of your holes.. you can choose which"

:roll

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I usually open my anti smoking lecture for my smoking patients with this line "you know I had to divorce my first wife because she smoked." which usually gets a strange look from the patient, after which I explain " yep, her and her boyfriends used to stink up the whole house" Usually the smokers don't hear the "boyfriend" part of it and thier nonsmoking spouse or relative does and starts laughing. then I say it again slower and they usually get it then. then I say something like "and most people think I'm kidding" this usually breaks the ice and I go on to explain why smoking is bad for them and relate it to their specific ailment or condition. sometimes it works

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Specializes in Med Surg, ICU, Infection, Home Health, and LTC.

in the middle of the notorious morning med pass, with staffing call offs out the wazoo so we have more then the usual on each cart...pt looks at me and the assistant and as she is handed her cup of ice water she asks in all seriousness

"do you have a twist of lemon with that?"

i look at her. i could not help it...i had to ask her back

"do you want fries with that?":devil:

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Specializes in Rehab, Med/Surg, Ortho, ER.

while changing an iv bag in the middle of the night, "don't mind me i am just giving you some more "go" juice. you know so you will go and go and go" rolling eyes toward the bathroom.

while a shy patient is undressing, "don't worry if you have something i have never seen before, i will shoot it!"

removing anything sticky like tape or ekg pads etc, "don't worry we do not charge extra for hair removal."

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Specializes in Cardiovascular and Surgical ICU.

:redbeathe I usually first thing in the AM when I assess my patient say, "Goodmorning! did you get much sleep?" When they answer me with a yes, I say, "Well then Night shift must not have been doing their job because they are suppose to wake you up every hour to see if you're sleeping! I get a few laughs.:redbeathe

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My latest one-liner fave is when going through the pre-op checklist and asking about allergies is to come back with 'Good, we'll try not to find any(more) for you today' I've yet to find a patient who couldnt' laugh at that one.

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Specializes in Cardiovascular and Surgical ICU.

:redbeatheI have come up with a doosy of a one liner. When I introduce my self in the AM I say hi my name is Tristan and I will be your nurse today. Well at times I happen to be watching other nurse's groups when they are at lunch and they get a patient from cardiology or ICU. I love to say to them, "Hello, my name is Tristan and I will NOT be your nurse today" They love it. Then if it is a post angiogram patient I tell him he's not allowed to laugh at any of my jokes because his groin might bleed (he knows I'm kidding). Haha :redbeathe

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