Yeah, I am a student nurse, I sit on my lazy but eatting bon bons alllll day long!!!

Nursing Students General Students

Published

If I hear my husband use the phrase, "Well when you work 40 hours a week!...."

I just stopped asking my husband for any help. I tried to get him to help out around the house since I have started nursing school. No. okay, understandable, I got this student nurse thing a little bit better under control now...could you at least do the dishes you get dirty when I am not home? no. Could you put your clothes in the hamper instead of on the living room floor? no. (when I am lucky he soaks the dishes). okay maybe I am not at a job that pays, but nursing school is work, and I am at it 7 days a week! I never see my friends, all I do is go to class and study; literally. I am not complaining, this is what I want to do and I feel privileged to do it, but can I get a little credit? I am working my a$$ off here! It took me forever to talk my husband into letting me go back to school (lets not get started on that subject) and I still get scorn every once and awhile. (He got a new job that was paying the same amount more an hour as I was making as a medical assistant so there was no exuse to not let me go back).

No one really understands nursing school and the stress involved unless they have been through it themselves!!!! What i did was bought paper plates and cups to cut down on dishes and paid my children to help around the house. My husband works 7 days a week 12 hours a day so help from him was impossible. Just keep reminding yourself that nursing school doesn't last forever and one day things will be "normal" again;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm not married - never could find one I could train to meet my needs And I'm not a nursing student but here's a suggestion:

Keep one plate, fork, knife, spoon, cup, etc for YOU and hide it. Keep the rest in the cupboard and if it ends up dirty so be it. He can eat off dirty plates. Don't pick up laundry nor do his laundry. He can wear dirty clothes. Hopefully, one day when he no longer has clean underwear he'll realize that he needs to do laundry.

Can you tell I would never make a good wife? I'm much too mean.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thats a great solution Bethin. Reminds me of my family as I was growing up. We had one plate, knife, fork and spoon. Only one could eat at a time. Even if someone dirtied the implements, you only had to wash up after one.

Doesn't sound mean, just easier with people who won't cooperate.

WTG!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Lol...I did this when I was a teen and my mother went away for two weeks. My father and younger brother are disgusting slobs and my mother has always catered to them.

When she left they thought I would be doing the same but it didn't go like that. I took out three plates, three forks, three spoons etc. The rest of the dishes I put in a cabinet and padlocked it.

I wouldn't do that now but if the garbage isn't taken out I don't cook. I hate to see garbage from the night before sitting around. If clothes are put into a hamper they don't get washed. I don't make a stink about anything...I just don't do it and my husband gets not rise from me and he barely get's a response so he learned to NOT complain a long time ago.

Keep one plate, fork, knife, spoon, cup, etc for YOU and hide it. Keep the rest in the cupboard and if it ends up dirty so be it. He can eat off dirty plates. Don't pick up laundry nor do his laundry. He can wear dirty clothes. Hopefully, one day when he no longer has clean underwear he'll realize that he needs to do laundry.

Can you tell I would never make a good wife? I'm much too mean.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
This is why I will never get married haha.

Thats kinda a good idea!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

ugggg i totally understand, mine has stopped asking what i do all day....besides taking care of a 3 year old, cleaning, having dinner cooked before i go to school, make sure the older ones chores are done, having every one clean clothes oh and let me not forget the a's and b's i have!!!! no honey i do nothing!!!!! ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I had the same problem when I started as well. No help with childcare, chores etc. I am now in my last term and we have had so many arguments about the same s*** over and over. Anyway, we sat down and had a serious discussion and discovered that even though he was happy that I was doing what I wanted with my life, he was intimidated because he never finished college and was afraid I was going to leave him when I graduated and was "better" than him. :uhoh3: Needless to say, I definitely to NOT feel this way. Also, it bothered him that I would be making more than him in the money department and he felt that it was his job to provide for our family, etc. Stone age type of stuff. Once it was out in the open, the bickering sort of went away. He helps out with our daughter MUCH more and is even considering taking a part-time job when I start mine in order to stay home with her even more.

I feel your pain, but stick it through if he is worth it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D, PACU.

You know, I have heard from more than one person that their significant other is scared that when they (my friends) get their degrees, they will leave. As if economics was the only thing holding them in the relationship. It seems sad.

How cool that you were able to talk that one out. Communication is the key to a good relationship.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Most people compare nursing school to any other course where you can read all day, and jump up to be a family woman. Not so for nursing...there are labs, clinicals, hard courses and the physical and emotional turmoil. After 2 years of school, I had to get a housekeeper to come and clean up because just couldn't keep up. My husband is very supportive, it is just that he is a cop, and is not home enough. He paid 1/2 for the service to come clean, though...LOL. Thank god it is over!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Oh ladies... And guys for that matter... There has been many mentions of "training" the significant other to act in a supportive fashion for you during nursing school. While I can see the validity in this stance, let me say this, You're going about it all wrong.:nono: First, if you think your significant other is "trainable", you really should refine your training methods. Withholding, nagging, and careless spending are not ways to make a lesson learned. These actions will only create resentment and strife. If we, as guys, weren't quick enough to pick up on an idea when you asked us directly, what makes you think we will when you tell us indirectly through your actions. I'll let you all in on a little secret. All it takes is some positive reinforcement.;) I know it's simplistic... But just like you enjoy knowing your efforts are appreciated, so do we. Take the most simple thing, he mowed the lawn. Let him know that you are grateful for his help and you can see that he loves you via this small thing. It may seem corny, but trust me, it works. If your husband truly loves you and wants to make you happy, he will mow the lawn again... maybe twice a week. You may even see him start doing things around the house, like washing dishes. This is because he knows if you see these acts as expressions of love, and you recognize his efforts, he will be more likely to continue. Bottom line... use honey, not vinegar, and watch your man turn into a supportive, loving, caring, house cleaning machine.;) And by the way, I am happily married and we are BOTH about to start an ADN program in August. Good luck to everyone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
Oh ladies... And guys for that matter... There has been many mentions of "training" the significant other to act in a supportive fashion for you during nursing school. While I can see the validity in this stance, let me say this, You're going about it all wrong.:nono: First, if you think your significant other is "trainable", you really should refine your training methods. Withholding, nagging, and careless spending are not ways to make a lesson learned. These actions will only create resentment and strife. If we, as guys, weren't quick enough to pick up on an idea when you asked us directly, what makes you think we will when you tell us indirectly through your actions. I'll let you all in on a little secret. All it takes is some positive reinforcement.;) I know it's simplistic... But just like you enjoy knowing your efforts are appreciated, so do we. Take the most simple thing, he mowed the lawn. Let him know that you are grateful for his help and you can see that he loves you via this small thing. It may seem corny, but trust me, it works. If your husband truly loves you and wants to make you happy, he will mow the lawn again... maybe twice a week. You may even see him start doing things around the house, like washing dishes. This is because he knows if you see these acts as expressions of love, and you recognize his efforts, he will be more likely to continue. Bottom line... use honey, not vinegar, and watch your man turn into a supportive, loving, caring, house cleaning machine.;) And by the way, I am happily married and we are BOTH about to start an ADN program in August. Good luck to everyone.

Sorry, tried that didn't work. I even TOLD him that when he does xyz that it just makes me so happy and it's like getting flowers and it brings me closer to him. Doesn't work. He doesn't care because "he works 40 hours a week in a good week".

Some men do not care. They will not help. The don't see nursing school as an issue. They don't see it as work. In their eyes you aren't doing something that is so time consuming that you can't do everything. Their job is hard work according to some and nursing school is not hard work. There's no way to change it.

I will add it's not all men. This past week one of the guys in the class told me he actually has this issue with his wife...she expecting him to do things when he needs to study.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Adult and Peds ED, Forensic Nursing.

I have to say my husband is great. I didn't actually believe in marriage until I met him. He is really excited and proud about me going back to school. We both hate housework so we are good about splitting it (or both procrastinating). He likes cooking more than I do and so he does it more often than me. One compromise, we bought a dishwasher, that was the only thing we used to both get stressed about.

What we tend to do is that who ever is the one at home does what needs to be done. I have a few days off during the week so if he is out of clean t-shirts I'll do laundry. On the weekends when I'm in school if the house needs cleaning he is the one at home so he does it.

Since he is supporting me through school, whenever he gets stressed about money I remind him about how I'll be making 2x what I used to make soon, and eventually after grad school will make about as much as he makes. At that point he can quit work to do whatever he wants to do and I'll support him! The important thing is that we are partners, and are in this together. What's a couple years of stress when it will lead to many more years of increased comfort?

I love the idea of the school that invites SO's to orientation! What a great idea!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment