Would You Marry or Date a Patient or An Ex-Patient of Yours

Manabella · Jul 23, 2011

Because someone is sick and in a gown should not make you say/ think " ewwww". Being in a hospital setting when you are sick is a sensitive time and you should be respectful of that.

rn/writer, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Let's see . . . I now work postpartum, so that's a no. I used to work adolescent psych, so that's a no. Before that, I worked the hospice/acute care unit at a nursing home, so that's no again. Oh, and I'm on call as a SANE nurse for both patients and suspects. That would be a HUGE no.

Maybe if I worked in ED, but as another poster said, I don't think my husband would go for it.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Why OF COURSE!!! I went into nursing specifically because I wanted to hook up with a vulnerable, totally dependent, snokered-on-Versed patient who would WORSHIP me as the golden angel that I am in his gorked out state of mind! I just wish that he would propose to me before his discharge paperwork is complete...maybe I can hatch an evil plan to switch the discharge orders while madly searching the DeBeers catalogue online for a nice fat diamond.

Seriously, dudes? In the words of the boys from Monday Night Football..."C'mon man!"

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Jul 23, 2011

Well....my first encounter with my husband was a fingerstick blood sugar at a health screening during a nursing school internship. We never 'dated' while he was considered 'my patient.'

Assuming I were unmarried, would I date someone while they were a patient? Heck, no. But depending on the context (like - if I were working detox or something, it would be a no), I might consider it after the nurse/patient relationship has ended, but I don't think I could be the one to initiate it. And it would have to be pretty far out after they stopped being my patient.

SeeTheMoon · Jul 23, 2011

Patient, NO. No, No NO. Ex-patient? Eh...you know, I personally don't see the big issue there. If weeks, months, etc down the road you run into this person and you hit it off, why not?

Now I know that it is said that these ex patients can still be taken advantage of by former caregivers in that the ex patient may carry lingering feelings of inferiority, vunerability, etc. But I just don't see where this would be the issue most of the time.

Bottom line, if the person is no longer your patient...and both of you are completely comfortable with it...what's the wrong?

Art_Vandelay · Jul 23, 2011

Why OF COURSE!!! I went into nursing specifically because I wanted to hook up with a vulnerable, totally dependent, snokered-on-Versed patient who would WORSHIP me as the golden angel that I am in his gorked out state of mind! I just wish that he would propose to me before his discharge paperwork is complete...maybe I can hatch an evil plan to switch the discharge orders while madly searching the DeBeers catalogue online for a nice fat diamond.
Seriously, dudes? In the words of the boys from Monday Night Football..."C'mon man!"

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hhmth:

I think this is my favorite post so far!

Grumpygs, MSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

I agree that it would be unethical and on many levels wrong.

I actually did have a patient ask me if I'd marry him... My response was that I was already involved though I wasn't. What I really wanted to say was NO WAY!!!! :nono:

We see patients at their worst; in pain, with multiple disease processes going on, totally vulnerable and dependent. While outside of a medical setting, these aspects are something that you may not see in a relationship for months. People are (usually :rolleyes: ) on their best behavior when in new relationships... :twocents:

Altra, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Pursue any type of relationship, including platonic friendship, while the patient is a patient ... no. Not ever. Boundaries, please!!

If I coincidentally met the ex-patient again some time later, in a completely different setting ... I would probably still not pursue it, just on principle. Knowing a patient's medical/personal history and having encountered him/her in a vulnerable postion ... it just seems like we would start the relationship on unequal footing.

Plenty of other fish in the sea.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

It is very unethical to become romantically involved with a patient. Most places have strong rules against it.
As for the psychiatric patient, that secretary should have been fired.
Can you tell I have strong feelings about this??

Don't these rules only apply while the patient is..........a patient?

My answer is "no" for two reasons:

1. It does not fit into my mold of.........a good nurse. I do feel, one sacrifice we make for our profession is: Once I have given you your meds and put an IV in you, no romance allowed (pre and post D/C).

You can give me w/e ever scenerio and circumstances you like, and that will be my answer FOR MYSELF. I'm sure somewher out there, someone feeling like I do ended up dating a former pt. because it "was different" or "just happened" but.......eh, not for me.

2. I won't do it for selfish reasons too. I won't do it because there is too much risk involved. You have to worry about people finding out and your admin. taking aggressive action.

I worked as a CNA before I was an RN. At the unit I worked on, the nurses overhead me and another male CNA discussing........eh, a certain patients..........breast endowment. After a few chuckles, one said "Don't be another Joe."

At first I thought she meant "Don't be an Average Joe pervert guy" or something. Nope. There was an RN on the unit before I got there named Joe who twice dated former patients and both times........it ended up being the same situation.

The girls in question had flirted with him and set up dates with him because they were drug seekers. They dated nurses in hopes of meeting one who had the same problem and brought home some goods to use. When they found out he did not in fact use/divert.........it ended. One plainly asked him to bring home a few Vicodin, the other left him for a nurse who was more "fun"..........fun being a nurse who diverted on a regular basis.

"Dating" someone is nice, being single sometimes is the pitts, but going on a date isn't worth all that drama. If I can't find someone who is not a former/current patient, then its not meant to be.

Zen123 · Jul 23, 2011

Never say never. **** happens

AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN · Jul 23, 2011

Well, to be fair...yes.

Now, to qualify...I was not a nurse at the time, I was a tech. I was in nursing school. I was also 19 years old. So was he. I brought him up from the ER, took him to his room, and left it. My phone rang on my way home that night. Seems some of my coworkers had given him my number when he asked if I were single.

Dated him for about 6 months, give or take, AFTER he was discharged. The floor staff who set us up were ecstatic (I was terminally single, according to them, so this was great) He had heart surgery while we dated, stopped breathing on me a couple times, and had THE most dysfunctional family I'd ever met, until I met my husband.

Still keep in touch with him, from time to time. Well, more to the point, I keep in touch with his wife, who sends me pics of them and their kids at frequent intervals. I wonder what it says about me that my ex's wife and I get along better than my ex and I ever did?

Would I date any of my patients NOW? Not just no, but &^*%, NO!

Sterren, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2011

Well no, but I'm straight and married and all my patients are female.

Honestly I think it's very unethical and unprofessional. I don't really buy the "well what if you bumped into each other at a bar later" either. If it was a significant enough nurse/patient relationship that it's remembered after the patient is discharged, then it's significant enough that there are boundaries that should not be crossed. It gives me a very icky feeling to think about a nurse forming a romantic relationship with a patient. Not okay.