Worried about telling people I'm in recovery

caliotter3 · May 10, 2008

Can understand your desire to be open about your recovery but don't put yourself in the position of having to defend yourself. People who are in recovery programs involuntarily have trouble getting themselves together, getting and keeping jobs. People love to talk and gossip. You should not add fuel to the fire. Just share this info with your peer group in recovery. Don't put yourself out of the running for work before you've even got out of the starting block. Focus on your schoolwork when you are in school and around your classmates. And remember this, you can't remain anonymous and be open about yourself at the same time. You might have a slip of the tongue and mention someone else who doesn't want to be talked about. There will come a time when you can talk about yourself and not have to worry about repercussions, but that time is not now. Congratulations on your progress!

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · May 10, 2008

CONGRATULATIONS to you on your 3 years in recovery!! That is a great accomplishment, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

However, self-disclosure is NOT always necessary to continue on the road to recovery; in certain situations, it's probably not even advisable. No one should look down on you because of your status as a recovering addict, but the truth is, sometimes it happens, and in the world of work it's generally best NOT to self-disclose until you have been on the job for a time, and only then to those you can trust. It's absolutely nobody's business unless you make it so.

That said, I have found in the course of my career that my personal history of alcoholism can be a useful tool in helping others deal with their own addiction issues. There's nothing like the voice of experience, and I've shared my story with more than one patient in order to help them see that a) they are not hopeless losers, and b) they can have a great life in sobriety. And in 15 years in healthcare, I've not had a single person give me bad feedback about this........only good.

I am cautious about whom I share my history with, but when I do, it feels great when people tell me "YOU, an alcoholic? I'd never have guessed!" One thing that may help you is to absolutely refuse to be ashamed of your past; good AND bad, it's what made you who you are today, and there's no need to be embarrassed. The only reason I urge careful self-disclosure is that some people can't handle the truth, and they rely on old stereotypes to make judgments about others. So you need to choose your audience.............but never, ever be ashamed of who you are or where you've come from.

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 11, 2008

First of all the "anonymous" part of AA really means you can't break another recovering persons anonymity, you can be as loud and proud as you personally want to be. Then again, there's that part about "attraction, not promotion". So you have watch your motives.

I was in recovery in nursing school and kept that fact to myself, although without recovery I wouldn't have been able to do it. I have since stayed anonymous, which helped during the two years I was "back out there rewriting my story". In the 11 years since, I've stayed anonymous by choice. However, I'm now comfortable and have 16 years with this employer and have a solid reputation, so that if it comes out I'll be o.k. I won't hide it if my anonymity is busted.

I agree with caliotter3 that when you're beginning nursing, and just trying to establish yourself, you don't want people to stereotype you one way or another with their judgements. So that's my advice to you is that you stay anonymous for now. However, it's your decision one way or another.

TazziRN, RN · May 12, 2008

I am comfortable enough in my recovery that I almost don't care who knows. I do not advertise that I'm sober but I don't run from the subject, and with coworkers I am open about my story. To each his/her own, though. Being open is not for everyone, and I do not recommend it for someone in school or early in nursing. I've been a nurse for many years and have 14 years sober, so at this point I don't care who knows, but a student or a newbie can find it hard to get started if the wrong people know.

metnaj23 · Aug 27, 2008

I will be sober 4 years next month. I also have a crmininal history that I accumulated during the course of my drinking. I had to tell alot of people that maybe I didnt want to tell. I needed a letter from my program director to the board of nursing, reccomendations from faculty and all prospective employers had to know. I share your enthuisam for the 12 steps of recovery. The benifit of working the steps is a complete change in outlook and attitude.I realized that I wasnt a victim of my circumstances but accountable for my actions and responsible to be an example of solid recovery. I didnt have to lie to anyone and say that I was doing anything that I wasnt. All my friends in nursing school eventually found out and all of them were non- judgmental.You would be surprised how many people have had had some involvment with alcoholism/drug addiction in their associations in one way or another.Disclosure is very situational and you will make the right decision.

Addiction is no longer moral corruption but simply a physical/mental disease which is treatable.

Good luck and be proud

you are blessed:D

groovy jeff, RN · Aug 30, 2008

I am currently in NS and my experience has been that as my classmates and I have gotten to know each other, the recovery stuff just kinda comes slinkin around the corner. Lots and lots of folks have had some exposure to 12 step programs and if they have an intimate knowledge, after a while, they will peg you. I don't advertise it, nor do I run from it; it just is. Since I am the eldest male in my class and have some recovery going, I have become everyone's Dad.

I think that one of the benefits of not making proclamations is that it gives you the ability to change the stereotype. I can't tell you how many times someone has made a derogatory remark about addicts/alcoholics where I chimed in about the disease concept and some of my history. Most folks come away from that encounter with a new view of what our side of the street looks like. Over the years, several of those people have contacted me seeking advice regarding one of their family members, etc.

Congrats on your clean time!!! Just keep comin back!

mimi55 · Aug 31, 2008

I was told when I first got sober to only break my annonymity if it would help another person. I have followed this for the last 22 yrs. of sobriety. When I worked on an addictions unit I was open about being in recovery most of the staff was working a program of recovery also and understood that addiction is not a moral issue it is a disease.

I now work in a Critical care area, most of the staff do not have an understanding of addiction. I know this because of what I hear them say when we have a pt. that is an addict (practicing or in recovery). I believe this is a program of attraction I will not hesitate to help someone who wants it but, until that time happens I will not openly discuss my recovery in this area. I save that for the AA meetings I attend weekly.

Lori75 · Aug 31, 2008

I have been a student of Health Care twice in sobriety, first for my Care aide cert ( the Canadian equiv. of nursing assistant) in 2006, when I was 2.5 -3 yrs sober, then I just Graduated my LPN in March, my 5 yr b-day is on Sept 10th, God willing. I would never be here without AA, and I am grateful!!!!!! I disclosed to my classmates (both classes were fairly small) my alcoholism, recovery, participation in AA and the ones close to me got some of my story. I was in a classroom dynamic where I felt my AA education was so helpful, and came shining through so often. It would not have been necessary to disclose myself, but my LPN class was so small that we all had quite a bond, and I felt as if I were lying or hiding something from them by not revealing such a large part of myself. Once I told my LPN class, I was able to share so much easier without censoring my stories, experiences, and wisdom. It was not as necessary with my care aide class, I revealed it at the end of the course, and in hind sight, I don't really see why I did.

I have been VERY selective in disclosing my recovery in the workplace....I actually have never disclosed to anyone that was not in school with me. There are a few members of my AA fellowship at the hospital too, which is so nice. And so far my classmates have kept my anonymity, if they don't its not the end of the world. I had the top grades in both progams, I am pretty competent at my job, and people always seem to really be happy when they see I am working (I work casually in 4 departments). I would not hesitate to tell a co-worker if we struck up a friendship more meaningful than work aquantence. People are genuinly suprised when I reveal that I am an alcoholic...it does feel nice to shatter someones stereotype!

My long winded story has a moral...I have disclosed carelessly...been lucky it did not bite me in the a$$...and will always be very careful, because I have heard the prejudice in certain circles. But the love and understanding is out there...just be smart....my nursing instructors favorite saying was "CYA" (cover your a$$) I have worried that if everyone knew...and the narc count was out on my shift...do you think people would wonder about me first???? (even though my addiction is alcohol) Remember...CYA

:lvan:

weezledawg · Sep 3, 2008

Actually it's "personal anonymity at the level of press radio and films." No, you shouldn't break another's anonymity ever, but this statement is really for those who would otherwise be identified in a media-based way about their own recovery. The idea is that 12-step groups are not represented by one person alone. This philosophy carries throughout many facets of service work.

weezledawg · Sep 3, 2008

So, here's my story ...

Been in a lot of trouble locally. Went to rehab, got better. Did a lot of 12-step work. Got into service. Went to nursing school. First week we had to bring three things that represented ourselves. I brought my nursing book, an article I had written (I worked for a local paper) and my clean-time medallion. I was already too well-known in the community as a recovering addict to be "anonymous" about it.

Through all of this, I thought I couldn't be a nurse. Sweated it the whole way through. All others in class got their IP, not me. Waited FOREVER. Got millions of reference letters and supporting documentation of rehabilitation gathered up for me. Finally was allowed to take my boards and become an RN.

Went to work for local hospital. I came to them and told them about my history, she looked at me and told me she already knew. She was close friends with an NP who treated me while I was in rehab. She told me she was really proud of me and that my experience could help others, especially in this impoverished community.

Today I see many patients that I also see in the rooms. Also family members who know me from there. I have to be able to talk about recovery as I know it -- a life-altering experience that I draw tremendous spirituality and hope from.

The most difficult thing I deal with? I have to work hard to accept that not everyone wants what I have. Some are just not ready to do something different. Can make it hard to treat those who continually abuse themselves.

When I hear that inner voice that tells me I am less than, shameful or not deserving of the honor of being a nurse, I know today that it is just my disease talking.

Who I am at work is who I am at home and who I am in recovery. They are all the same person. It wouldn't work any other way for me.

weezledawg · Sep 3, 2008

BTW, I do not make it a habit of disclosing to patients and families about my history. I too, felt like I would be hiding something to keep that quiet in school. Most of the time my history does not pertain to the care I provide. I have only talked with a few patients about myself personally. This also goes for any other item of a personal nature. I don't tell them all about my kids, spouse, surgeries, blah blah blah. I am there to care for them. Not talk about myself.

BUT, if they already know me or learn of me somehow, then it's not like it was a secret. Some I tell, and then I have been directly asked by a patient about involvement in 12-step programs, and my reply was "I guess you would have to go to a meeting to see if I go too." Huge smile. I can talk all day about the benefits of 12-step programs without talking about myself. "The fellowship here is really strong," "I have seen many people have great success with attendance at meetings," and on and on.

I guess it all depends on the patient ... I agree with what others said in earlier posts about disclosure being situational. I suppose what I am really trying to say is that personal details about myself, including my recovery are selectively given depending on the situation. I have to ask myself, "What is my motive?" I have to satisfy the requirement that some element of the disclosure may benefit the patient. Otherwise the information does not apply and may not be appropriate.