Work related depression

[Genista]

Yet another post about stress and work related depression... I burned out on bedside nursing and now I am burning out in my new non bedside position. I feel trapped in my job. I am the sole breadwinner, and my family depends on a certain level of income.Yes, I know I am very lucky to be working, but I am becoming more anxious and depressed all the time. I can't stand the workload/environment. My job stress is beginning to affect my family life. I already saw my doctor about the stress/depression...but in the meanwhile I am stuck in a stressful job because of my financial obligations.

I have been trying to find a new job somewhere else. But even an experienced RN can't move into other specialties. The myth about all the options you have as an RN does not apply nowadays. Other specialties want you to already have tons of experience in their specialty, but are not willing to train you. You really can't move around easily.There are a million RNs applying for jobs. It is so depressing. I feel I will be trapped here forever.I guess I just wanted to vent. I don't mean to be a downer, but no one else understands. I know some of you will. I have kids, a husband, and a mortgage to pay for. I feel like I have no where to go, and that the heavy burdens will never let up. I just want out. But I can't find that way out.

Thanks for reading.

[MotherRN]

One bit of good news- if you do want to go for the RN-BSN, there are schools, even good ones that DON"T require the organic chemistry. I, too, though I would need that. Turns out, I don't. So, this fall I can begin my BSN online and not have to worry about it. At least it's one thing less.

Oh! I also have an Iraq war vet living in my house these days! He was able to find a seasonal position at Wally World just this very week. It may only last a month, but he gets to sell GUNS in sporting goods, so he's very happy. I'm relieved to see him up every day, off the computer and doing something to lift his spirits.

Even with a BA degree and military intelligence background, jobs are non-existent for him in his field. The pay he earned over there is dwindling and he needs to bring something, anything, in to cover his basics.

I am blessed not to be the sole breadwinner. However, I do have one angry spouse with hands on hips, foot tapping, wanting to see the financial pay off from all those loans I took to get the ADN degree! He's been underemployed since his heart attack. We are paycheck to paycheck.

I understand his frustration. But, I also know I have to work safely as a nurse (don't want to kill anyone and I really not looking to wear an orange jumpsuit anytime soon). Round One of PRN nursing in LTC did not go smoothly. I've been licking my wounds, trying to get up my nerve to try again. Now that my semester of prereqs for BSN is over, I plan to address my self-evaluated deficits in nursing knowledge (pharmacology, narrative documentation, and basic procedures they didn't teach in school but thankfully YouTube videos do!).

I have been subbing as a school nurse this last month. Talk about a breath of fresh air!!! My own office, get to sit down, in an actual chair, document in piece, actually eat lunch, and, for me, the real bonus... NO CNA's!!! (I know that comes off offensive and I know there are really good one's out there, but I have really good personal reasons for feeling that way right now!). The pay is low, but it''s twice a month and through the summer, even though you are off. Plus every weekend, evening and holidays off as well. As a supplement to the sole breadwinner salary, it might be the way to go, if I can get the job. Just think they are hard to come by. Today I was at the alternative school for the juvenile deliquents. Even though I had to go toe to toe with a thirteen year old over his insulin, it was way better than my LTC position. Just saying.

In the new year, and because I don't have the school nurse position yet, I will look for PRN LTC/hospital work. I, too, think that PRN would make me feel less trapped by the job and more in control. Even though I was hired PRN at the last place, they told me a week in I was part time, but then worked me like full time until it all ended abruptly. I would prefer the PRN- 2-3 days a week or every other weekend something like that so I could study and look into other types of nursing.

I'm sorry for the depression people feel. I night before I was fired, I thought to myself how I wasn't doing anything well in my life-not taking proper care of the kids, the house, or even the patients because there wasn't enough time to do it all no matter where I was and what I was doing at the time.

I definitely understand your feelings!

[angelwatch01]

I can completely relate the feeling of being trapped in a situation that offers few outlets. I am a single mother of 2 school-aged children and one in high school that lives with his dad. My financial obligations are so stressful that it has completely affected my current relationship after moving to a small community with him. Between losing my health insurance and prescription benefits for myself and my kids, child support payments, student loans, other financial obligations, rent, and doctor bills the kids accumulated in just a few short months, it has taken its toll. I failed to meet the probationary period at my new job (lack of current skills) and am forced to move again. I spent my entire tax return to move here and admittedly, I should have had some money set aside before moving. I do not have the employee assistance resource that many facilities offer for even a few minutes of free help so I am on my own to wade through the crisis of life. Onward and upward, forward is the only option.

If I could offer a few suggestions and echo some other users' advice: use the employee assistance program if you have it. Take a few days of vacation and go somewhere yourself. Take a part time job and fill in the extra with an outside job in an unrelated field if you can. Go back to school anc change careers or even advance it to move up. It's never too late. Your resume may need updated and I cannot stress enough: have a professional review it. For the small cost of a potential job that is better, the investment is well worth it. A good resume is often the difference between candidates even those with experience.

I wish you the best of luck, it is not the easiest world out there. Times are hard now and will be better eventually.

[angelwatch01]

I too, went to a facility that had a hospital and LTC to try my hand at the "real" world of nursing after being in surgery for 4 years as a new grad. Talk about use-it-or-lose-it. The facility had 30 residents and capacity for 10 inpatients and an ER. At any given time, I had my 7 assigned residents in LTC and 2-3 inpatients and helping in the ER. I was unfamilliar with the electronic medical record, had never done much charting or documentation that is needed in those settings, drugs and dosages were foggy in the back of my head, I had never started an IV, given antibiotics on a pump, passed a med, you name it. My short term did not go well even though I had made tremendous progress from the day I was hired. I spent hours looking up correct dosages and other information. I was given a month of job-sharing/shadowing to improve my skills after being called to the DON's office for "concerns". I voiced my dismay of my 10 days of orientation to the LTC and hospital and electronic record and set loose to be on my own with no experience. It was worse than being out of school. At least I had information fresh in my head that I could rely on. After 4 years, most of my skills were non-existant and starting over was a crash course that led me to.. an even bigger crash. I completed my additional orientation period looking forward to my huge accomplishments and showing the skills I worked hard to accomplish in that time period. I asked for additional materials to keep on hand for the electronic records as a resource the last day of orientation. I didnt even get 20 minutes into the first day being on my own when I was called into the DON's office when I was let go. So, I too lick my wounds and while I am resentful for lacking critical care skills, I also can say I did not harm anyone in the process.

[wyogypsy, RN]

I have gotten so burned out from working so much for so many years, that I now will only work 3 days one week and 2 the next, all 12 hour shifts of course. I really wish I could go to two 12 hr shifts per week but then I would not qualify for full time benefits which I have to have, as I am over 50 and single. It about kills me to work three 12 hr shifts in a row even though it is nice to get them out of the way. I do take an anti-depressant but not because of work, but I did have to go on Ativan for 30 days when leaving a previous job - had given my notice but could not quit crying every day.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

It's very unfortunate that the system continually burns people out. I'm very fortunate that I'll be able to take at least 2 months off next year, if I chose to. Ideally, I would like to work no more than 10 shifts a month. In another 6 or 7 years, that will be my goal. Full time nursing is too draining on anyone.

[Little_Mouse]

Thank you for sharing since at least I don't feel alone in this. The sad part is that I've only been a nurse for about 3 years...and have changed jobs nearly every year (a sign of burnout, no?) And although I realized that bedside nursing is not for me, as you have mentioned, it is difficult to get out of it. I recently started a job in a different unit, thinking that the patient load would be a little easier (expecting mainly walkie-talkies) but it is still bedside and still the confused, demented, pressure sore covered pts are there (I'm sorry to say that, since I know they are still human beings, but with time constraints and what not it's hard to provide the care they really need in a short amount of time)...so it's still just running around like a chicken with its head cut off, along with fear of making a mistake and-- at times-- almost overcome by self doubt and feeling that I wasn't able to provide good enough care...Maybe it's just me and my ability (or lack of) to handle stress or even my personality (reserved)...but I would love to get away from the bedside somehow. But in the mean time, I still have bills to pay and need medical insurance so this will have to do for now...

I wish you luck. Know that you are not alone and that you do have a support system here. Remember to take care of yourself and take things one day at a time. (I need to make sure I follow that advice as well! lol)

[Genista, BSN, RN]

Thank you to each and every one of you for your thoughtful responses. It is a comfort to know I am not the only one who went into this profession with (naive) good intentions, but it turned out to be too high a burden to bear. My heart goes out to you in your own circumstances! Yes, I am very lucky in that I am paid VERY well at this point. I have great benefits & work part time. I am appreciative of this EVERY day. However, I am noticing how the stress and responsibility and fast pace of the job is eating me alive, and no amount of money is worth that. I am struggling to be happy more frequently even when I am not working, and that is what is my wake up call. I have a beautiful family & much to be grateful for.

I have struggled with burnout off/on during my entire nursing career. I guess the idealistic image I had of this profession does not match up anywhere near the reality. I too, have a problem with disconnecting from my work. I keep thinking maybe there is some other specialty that I would be happy in. But, it is near to impossible to move around into new areas. And so far, the few areas I have moved around in, are strangely very similar in the stresses I encounter.

I recently realized that I have a love/hate relationship with nursing. I am thinking maybe I chose the wrong career for all the right reasons. I wanted to make a difference, to learn & grow, to do something meaningful. Even on a bad day, I know I am helping people...but at what price? The healthcare industry is really focused on the bottom line & profits, and I am not sure it's worth it to stay. I am staying for now, because I have to. But, if there were a job out there that paid my bills and had less stress I would be all over it yesterday. I can help people in my off time...if you know what I mean.

Lucky for me, I guess, I do have a BSN, so I could maybe try & obtain some other job that requires a BS degree. Even so, it is tough to find a decent paying job without experience in another field. I have 14 years experience and I am having trouble to break into new specialties! I am still trying to apply to other areas in nursing that interest me, but it is rare to get a reply from an employer. The market is on lock down. I am stuck where I am, and that's that. It must be even harder for the new grads.I truly feel for them.

Thanks to all for the encouragement, sharing your own struggles, and the advice. It means a great deal to know there are so many caring and kind nurses out there who are feeling the same. Though I don't have an "answer" for how this will resolve, I thank you for reaching out with your own stories. It is comforting to know you are not alone, and that others know about the pressures/stress and burdens I am feeling as a nurse. My thoughts are with you & your families as you find your own way...

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

When I was at school, jobs were in abundance until we hit 3rd year. The market was great, and then this terrible recession hit. As a result, everything changed dramatically, and has remained this way since. Nursing has always had ebbs and flows over the years, but this economy has been devastating. So I don't think naivetee is necessarily true for most of us. I knew what I was getting in to from day one. I also knew that I'd be paying my dues, and then working towards what I want. Despite the terrible economy, nursing should work for our lives (in a sense), not the other way around. So these "typical" working environments were not so typical six years ago.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Keep trying for other positions. You just never know when someone will like you and/or be desperate and give you a break.

[mtngrl, ASN, RN]

I have never felt such depression, anxiety, and stress until I became a nurse. I used to be the most positive cheerfull person! Now I cry all the time. I thought it was just bedside nursing I hated so I switched to case management. But nope, it still sucks. Actually the stress is even worse!!!!! I hate nursing and I regret so much getting this degree. Now I work full time so can't go back to school nor could I afford to...still putting my daugher through college currently. Most people think I have a dream job..I can work from home, holidays and weekends off, day hours.....but seriously the stress is so not worth it. I don't have time to even exercise anymore due to the massive workload, and I am ALWAYS tired. I am sick of changing jobs because I just hate them all. I just want a job that has NOTHING to do with healthcare. Unfortunately I can't afford to do that so I will be stuck being depressed in a career I hate.

[DSkelton711]

It is really sad how many of us feel powerless and hopeless in our careers as nurses. I have wished, almost everyday for 26 years, that I had chosen another field. I have never really felt comfortable in my skin as a nurse. I conveyed confidence at times just to hide my feelings of incompetence. I haven't done bedside nursing for almost 20 years, so that is not my issue. There seems to be some sort of stress in every position. I wish I felt hopeful for the future of nursing, but I don't. There are nurses that I know that deal very well with the stress and demands and I wish I could be like that. The really weird part is--I don't know what I would do if I weren't a nurse!

[cantdoit]

I can also relate. I feel totally hopeless and stuck in nursing. I'm depressed and exausted from this job... I just want to get out of nursing altogether, but the economy has stalled out. Sometimes I consider working as a waitress just to get away...