Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it

[tattooednursie]

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me.

It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which I do not normally do, it was only the 2nd time ever. I did not realize that all of the beds need to be made into daybeds right after breakfast. It should have occured to me, but it didn't. This other CNA (one that I have gotten along with in the past ) approaches me and says "why arent your beds made?" and I just simply said "because I'm not normally a day shift person"

she offered to help me, and then began talking to me like I was some sort of idiot saying "you tuck this under here , , and this is called a draw sheet . . . and this is called an incontanant pad and it goes like this . . . " and so on and I said and a very polite tone . . . . " I know that" and she was like "well if you know so much why arent you doing your job right"

At this point I am starting to cry because she was using a very mean tone of voice. , , i said " I'm trying I really am, and I have ben doing alot of stuff" and she gets in my face and starts laughing, and she's all like "what have you been doing? I don't see a thing done on your hall and its almost lunchtime!" and I'm all like " I havn't even sat down once today." and she said "well I havnt either because I have been answering your lights!"

I was so upset and angry about this I cried throught half the shift. later I came to her and said "sorry about earlier" (yes I am a pushover)

another time I was showering a resident and I heard one of the bed monotors go off, ya know the ones where you clip the string on the ones who are a fall risks if they get out of bed. Anywho, at my facility a resident is NOT to be left alone in the shower under any circmstances, so I just sped things up since it didnt sound like no one was going to answer the alarm. I get done with my shower, and quickly got my resindent situated. and i was wlaking quicky down the hall and the same CNA that had been giving me trouble was sitting at the nurses station, and didnt move untill I walked by then she started running down the hall, and my residnent was half nude wandering down the hall. That CNA was all like "What the hell is going on! Why arent you watching her . . . ." and she was up in my face about that! " I just looked down at my shoes and I said "I suck. I know I suck"

I talked to a few trusted co-workers about this, and I guess I'm not the only one. I am crushed that some one wants to treat me that way. Ever time that woman walks by I get so nervous, and it maes me very angry I let her push me around, and now that she knows she made me cry it probably makes her feel "powerful" and I think she takes pride in being mean to me!!!

I am to much of a chicken to tell the DON. I'm still on my probation for being new ya know, and I don't want to be a tattle tale . . . but I don't want to be afraid of a co-worker either!

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

The DON needs to know what is going on. If there is a trouble maker in the midst then good staff will not stay. It is better to get rid of the trouble maker. Unless you enjoy playing the victim role you need to learn to be more assertive. Good luck.

[HarryPotter]

Thank you so very much!!!!!! :) I will look for those postings! Feel free to pm anytime :), I like sharing stories...I feel it is very relaxing and you never know when a story will come in handy someday! I know I have learned from others stories, and to my benifit!!!!!

Hi. Lynne here. will definately pm u. thanks. lynne

[HarryPotter]

I was wondering as well, itsme.

Well, what do u think??? any theorys???

Lynne:uhoh3:

[HarryPotter]

First of all, you absolutely do not have to work in a hostile work environment an that is exactly what you are doing. I would bring it to your DON's attention and maybe you can have a meeting with her and the other CNA so 1) You have a witness as to what is said and done and 2) If you have a good DON she will back you up and let the women know that, that type of behavior will not be tolerated. If you feel safe in a private, controlled, environment behind closed doors you are more apt to speak your mind and take up for yourself which is what you need and should do. To be a good nurse you are going to have to get some thicker skin. I started nursing as an LPN at 18 and learned really quick that no matter what or who you have to take up for yourself and for your patients. If you think that girl is being mean and out spoken wait till you have to wake up a doctor in the middle of the night after he has had a bad day. :chair: As a R.N you will have to be a leader, what if that was an L.P.N that you were over????? Just something to think about. Hope it all works out!!

Great reply, but I am wondering why so many Nurses think/believe that we need "thicker skins." I see that term used a lot on replys to Mandi.

On a positive side, it could be because we are very sensitive people . On a more negative side, does having a thicker skin isolate u or make u more insensitive?

And, isn't an option to thicker skins assertiveness and also altering the work environment to an environment of contributution, appreciation, self-respect, free of harassment of any sort? Have u participated in the bully pole. Sure would appreciate your participation.

If you (any of u) want to read a wonderful book by the "Father of Management", read "The Essence of Peter Drucker." It will really inspire you. It certainly did me.

lynne

lynne:balloons:

I am conducting a poll on workplace bullies. Would really appreciate your participation.

Thanks. Lynne

[Jo Dirt]

If someone starts getting pi$$y with me I get nastier with them and they usually back off pretty quick. People may say don't stoop to their level but lowelifes who will treat you like dirt don't understand the logic behind not stooping to their level so you aren't proving a thing to them. So get on your belly and crawl with her! Teach her who to be messing around with! Get mad!

[SmilingBluEyes]

Well, what do u think??? any theorys???

Lynne:uhoh3:

I am not interested in speculating. And I know you are conducting a poll.....that is fine, good luck with that. I have extensive experience with bullies from childhood on....family and kids at school. I know now how to put a stop to it for once and for all in 99% of them. I have learned to be much more assertive and much less a target.

But I will not speculate or theorize. I would prefer to hear from the OP, not guess at what or how she is doing, thank you! Have a good weekend!

[BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN]

Sometimes the best thing to do is suck it up and then say, in the nicest sweetest tone...Oh, gee, maybe someday I'll be just like you. And walk away. Usually, people back down after something like that. If she keeps on you, you need to say to her, Do you have a problem with me? If so, what is it? Can we resolve this or do we need a third person to mediate this?

You are going to run into people like this all the time...but it is hard when you are young and these people are older than you.

Don't beat yourself up over it...she will sense that little underconfidence you have and feed off of it!

[Cubby]

Thank you for helping me Ducky!

No offense OBNurseShelly, but some people feel a lack of self confidance and they feel like it will come back at them if they stand up for themselves. I am one of those people. . . and yes, I am a whiner, everywhere I go my role is #1 whiner, school, work, my vollnteer job, home, and with my friends too . . . thats the way its been since I was little and . . . . Whaaaaaa I dont wanna quit whiiiiiining!!!! I did not mean this with any offense, you do have a point, and yes I do need to get some balls (even though I'm female)

I have decided that I have enlarged ovum!!

[HarryPotter]

I am not interested in speculating. And I know you are conducting a poll.....that is fine, good luck with that. I have extensive experience with bullies from childhood on....family and kids at school. I know now how to put a stop to it for once and for all in 99% of them. I have learned to be much more assertive and much less a target.

But I will not speculate or theorize. I would prefer to hear from the OP, not guess at what or how she is doing, thank you! Have a good weekend!

I just wondered about her silence too and often people on the web know each other, hence the question.

[explorer]

oh, and also . . . i always end up being nice and polite to her even after she is mean to me . . .how do i cut that out, and what are better things to say? i'm sick of being a pushover!

love never fails

:balloons:

[SmilingBluEyes]

Lwelke, Mandi was a regular here.....she has not been in a long time. Iwould just like to hear how she is these days. She is a very strong person, from what I read in her posts, but also very YOUNG. I am sure she has learned a LOT since this all transpired. Mandy, if you are out there, please let us know how you are.

[lifeisbeautiful]

thats the way to show support, did you think she needed to be bullied in her thread about bullies?

That's exactly what I thought the first time I read that post, but I didn't know if I said something if it would be considered a 'personal attack', so as usual, I kept my honest comments to myself. I have been watching this thread, waiting for someone to say exactly what you said CCU NRS. I'm surprised it took so long for someone to point it out. Like I mentioned in another post, Nurses are suppose to be kind, compassionate, understanding, caring, but when it come to treating each other well, many seem to throw that line of thinking out the window. :stone