Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it

[tattooednursie]

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me.

It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which I do not normally do, it was only the 2nd time ever. I did not realize that all of the beds need to be made into daybeds right after breakfast. It should have occured to me, but it didn't. This other CNA (one that I have gotten along with in the past ) approaches me and says "why arent your beds made?" and I just simply said "because I'm not normally a day shift person"

she offered to help me, and then began talking to me like I was some sort of idiot saying "you tuck this under here , , and this is called a draw sheet . . . and this is called an incontanant pad and it goes like this . . . " and so on and I said and a very polite tone . . . . " I know that" and she was like "well if you know so much why arent you doing your job right"

At this point I am starting to cry because she was using a very mean tone of voice. , , i said " I'm trying I really am, and I have ben doing alot of stuff" and she gets in my face and starts laughing, and she's all like "what have you been doing? I don't see a thing done on your hall and its almost lunchtime!" and I'm all like " I havn't even sat down once today." and she said "well I havnt either because I have been answering your lights!"

I was so upset and angry about this I cried throught half the shift. later I came to her and said "sorry about earlier" (yes I am a pushover)

another time I was showering a resident and I heard one of the bed monotors go off, ya know the ones where you clip the string on the ones who are a fall risks if they get out of bed. Anywho, at my facility a resident is NOT to be left alone in the shower under any circmstances, so I just sped things up since it didnt sound like no one was going to answer the alarm. I get done with my shower, and quickly got my resindent situated. and i was wlaking quicky down the hall and the same CNA that had been giving me trouble was sitting at the nurses station, and didnt move untill I walked by then she started running down the hall, and my residnent was half nude wandering down the hall. That CNA was all like "What the hell is going on! Why arent you watching her . . . ." and she was up in my face about that! " I just looked down at my shoes and I said "I suck. I know I suck"

I talked to a few trusted co-workers about this, and I guess I'm not the only one. I am crushed that some one wants to treat me that way. Ever time that woman walks by I get so nervous, and it maes me very angry I let her push me around, and now that she knows she made me cry it probably makes her feel "powerful" and I think she takes pride in being mean to me!!!

I am to much of a chicken to tell the DON. I'm still on my probation for being new ya know, and I don't want to be a tattle tale . . . but I don't want to be afraid of a co-worker either!

[tattooednursie, LVN]

Thank you so mch ya'll . .BTW . . .I was being sarcastic

[Sleepyeyes]

Originally posted by FutureRN_Mandi

Thank you so mch ya'll . .BTW . . .I was being sarcastic

Mandi, when I was a CNA and had to work with jerks like this, I thought they were right about my work, and that gave them the right to talk to me about ME like that.

Why?

Because if I didn't do something perfectly the first time ( or if not perfect, then at least realrealreal well), I would be down on myself. Their voices would only mimic what I was already saying to myself.

So it made those people doubly hard to fight off. Eventually, I learned to pretty much stay away from them. And believe it or not, I still have problems as a nurse with CNA's like this because there is just nothing in this world that will convince them that they don't know it all. ya know what i mean??? :chuckle

Well, they DONT know it all.

My lack of confidence shows--until I know what I'm doing. Then-- I totally kick butt.

And if you had been trained properly (don't you guys have an orientation to day shift????? maybe THAT's what you need to talk to the DON about, eh?) you would've been told that your beds need to be done before lunch. You were right not to leave the person in the shower. She was wrong to sit at the desk and ignore your resident; she thought she was getting even with you, but in typical bully-like smallminded way, you could see that it was only the resident who was the brunt of this behavior--and THAT TRULY SUCKS.

A REAL NURSE thinks of the patient, the patient, the patient. Your patients probably looked great; you probably did more than wipe their heinies before you dressed them.

That kind of CNA doesn't think of the patient; her aim is to GET DONE.

Note the difference in mentality, please. This is what will make you a nurse, and keep her a CNA in an entry-level job thinking she knows freakin' EVERYTHING for the rest of her life (well, ok, just til her back gives out, but it won't because she will always find someone else to do her work for her-- watch her get the choice assignments every time....)

If it's any comfort, what you describe is pretty much what happened to me as a new CNA. And today, I'm an RN. She's still a CNA, making a quarter of what I make, and still believing she knows it all.

In ==freakin'===credible!

I've trained a lot of CNA's and as a CNA, I worked every shift. As a nurse, I've supervised some of the best and some of the worst. PM me if this one gives you any more trouble, ok??

[renerian, BSN, RN]

Mandi don't let the witch walk all over you. I agree with an earlier post she may be the facility "witch". Maybe saying something like if your here to help fine but if your here to nag, get out of my face. People will treat you like crap if you let them. Demand respect.

renerian

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

What everyone else said, but don't stop being nice and polite. Repaying rudeness with rudeness isn't right either, and removes your right to complain to your DON. Demand respect.

When I "get back in someone's face", I don't feel any better about the situation or myself. I get upset when I loose it like that.

When I was a CNA I stayed over and helped 3rd shift and ran across a person exactly like that. She went on and on about "you 2nd shift people", how to properly situate a patient for the night, how to clean them, what to do.

I realized that she really didn't know how rude she was. I was nice and realized too that I would never volunteer to work that shift again.

Anyway, about he b*tch you worked with. Realize she too doesn't have any self-esteem and coping skills and you are far more evolved that her.

[mattsmom81]

One cannot be expected to know all the rules on a new shift...you are new as a CNA, as an employee, and you're on a new shift. One cannot know it all immediately and some disorganization is expected!

You don't 'suck', you are the newbie. Being new doesn't mean you must be a target for rude nasty individuals, never tell someone you 'suck' as it's not true.

My advice is practice asking for guidance you need in an assertive way...never by demeaning your value. When you work a new unit/shift report to the charge nurse and ask her what the unit routine is and who should you report to...if they know you're unfamiliar they can direct you from the get go. That way you won't get way behind and open yourself up for criticism later.

if you make a mistake, admit it in a matter of fact way and show you are correcting it. Ask for honest feedback and improve your performance. Let people know you want to do a good job...and ask them for their help. Even the bytch may respond favorably if you tell her you want to learn and would she be your mentor....

If not, then find a good hearted person to be your mentor...try to work his/her shifts primarily and let them help you learn and grow in the workplace.

Find an assertiveness seminar to attend..it will help you feel better about handling these situations without being a passive victim.

Good luck, sweetie, lots of us were pushovers once upon a time....but we learned. So can you.

[Gromit]

Don't forget, also, that (as you've now been made aware) responsibilities are different on different shifts. For that matter, different floors will do or place priorities on different things.

When another tech worked 'my' slot in the icu (I had been moved to another floor). I had lunch with her that day, and she told me that she absolutely hated my station, and couldnt understand how I could do it! -I love it there, and would rather be there than 'on the floor'.

You're a night-shift person. If the witch had to work your night shift, trust me, its extremely unlikely she would do the job as well as you.

I agree with the other poster -don't be mean back to her. Its not worth it. It would be demeaning to yourself. You are not like that. There are those of us who do appreciate that :)

[AJACKT33Z, LVN]

You'd think proffesional adults would act civil to one another. Remember how cruel kids used to be when you were a kid? Think of that person as handicapped emotionally; that you should tell her when you finally do it her way, for her not to be upset when you do it better---you won't do unto others because being so mean was something you grew out of. What I'm trying to say is the calmer you are, the better to throw her "act" right back at her where it belongs. As a male, I was yelled at like that when I was a rookie 19 yrs ago.It made me feel very small

[2banurse]

Mandi, question for you...you are currently going back to school for an RN right? You are also quite young too? My guess is that this bully is a little older and pretty much at the height of her career...she is probably envious that you at such a young age are pursuing your dreams.

I know that when I was your age, it was easier not to confront some of the bullies I came up with. As you get older you will get a thicker skin. For now, in your place, I would keep doing the good job you've been doing for your residents and if you have questions, as the DON or another nurse. Stay clear of the witch if you can and when she gets in your face, think of how your future is going to be so much better than hers, and that 10 years down the line, she will probably still be bullying those newbies. I think also that you will be more sensitive to the CNAs under your supervision who may be faced with the same and you can let the bullys in your supervision, that this will NOT BE TOLERATED...

Kris

[sjoe]

Here is a book you might find useful:

Simmons, Rachel, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, Harcourt, NY, 2002.

page 3There is a hidden culture of girls' aggression in which bullying is epidemic, distinctive, and destructive. It is not marked by the direct physical and verbal behavior that is primarily the province of boys. Our culture refuses girls access to open conflict, and it forces their aggression into nonphysical, indirect, and covert forms. Girls use backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims. Unlike boys, who tend to bully acquaintances or strangers, girls frequently attack within tightly knit networks of friends, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victims.

[Youda]

That's an interesting book, sjoe, I agree.

But, for the practical "how do you handle this" and "why is it happening to me?" type answers, I strongly suggest that EVERYONE who has encountered work place bullying to buy a copy of The Bully at Work, by Gary and Ruth Namie. No financial interest here, just an extremely helpful book that gets past the rhetoric and right into detailed plans of what to say and how to say it and to whom. Required reading, IMO.

[renerian, BSN, RN]

3rd shift guy-nicely said.

renerian

[meownsmile, BSN, RN]

I dont know about this person being jelous,, but she may very well feel that the world has done her wrong and is blaming and taking things out on everyone but herself for her situation.

My guess is even her family(children and hubby) if she has any have a whole list of subversive hurtful little barbs she puts on them daily.

Consider the sad little shell of a person she is and dont let her get the best of ya. Misery loves company so dont let her drag you into her little world of despair.

Be yourself, proud, strong and the capable person that you are.