Why are preceptors negative towards nurses they are teaching?

I've been a nurse for about 4 years now but this is my first real floor nursing job. I am 4 weeks into precepting on a MedSurg floor and I'm just wondering...

Why is it that preceptors generally tend to be negative towards nurses they are teaching?

My preceptor has tried to throw me to the wolves since day 1. Every time I've asked her for help or tried to explain that I was in over my head she just tells me that I need to feel this stress and doesn't help me at all.

This overall experience has been miserable but I have been trying to be a trooper and stick it out.

I had my first mini review with my manager today that overall went well she said she definitely saw me progressing and said I was doing pretty good. She said she was going to switch my preceptor for my last couple of weeks so that I can learn some different techniques ... and, get a different point of view.

I think that's a great idea even if I thought my preceptor was wonderful it's always good to have more than one perspective.

At the end of a very very long shift after 3 straight days my preceptor tells me that I'm going to work with somebody else next week. She proceeds to tell me that it's because there are certain things that I'm just not picking up from her and that maybe I will be able to pick it up from the other person.

A nice way of saying I wasn't doing well and that it was somehow my fault.

I'm just wondering why is it that nurses tend to eat their young?

Why can't they just be a little bit more patient and understanding that things take time and that I'm not going to be at 100% so early in the game. Why can't they stop for a second and put themselves back in the shoes of being brand-new on a MedSurg floor when it's very busy and there's 10 million things going on and you feel a little overwhelmed??

[nursy1, BSN, RN]

Not another one!

I swear these threads now appear on a weekly basis.

So if you don't like them, don't comment, you do realize that the more people comment, the more "popular" the thread becomes, which leads to more people seeing the title, and then commenting, and then its more popular than earlier... actually this is working out pretty good for me, I was never this popular in high school

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

Whoa Nelly. Let's get back to our happy place. Another fact about this forum is, it's a public site and by public I mean the world. Literally every one in the internet world has access to this site and can comment. In these 5 pages, 24 different members have commented on your original post and you have attempted to respond to most of them individually. I imagine that feels like a gang-up.

So, while you have heard it 24 times, I have only said it once. And while you have only said it once, we have heard it countless times from other (much more arrogant and entitled) posters. Hang around awhile and you'll get tired of the SOS and appreciate (maybe come to admire) the COBs!

I'm an old fart and have time on my hands (wife is out of town). You need to get some rest and hit the ground with a renewed sense of purpose. You're coming along just fine. Don't get sidetracked with distractions.

Now back to the "popular" threads.

[kdoggie]

First time post from a nurse with 20 years in the profession. I have oriented over 25 nurses in my time to include 2 new grads in the past year. My advice to you would to manage your expectations and that will decrease your stress. Do not expect your preceptor to handle all situations as you would and cut her some slack. As a preceptor who enjoys teaching, I find it impossible to live up to perfection. The preceptor-orientee relationship is like a long blind date and there will be missteps, awkward conversations, and miscommunication on the behalf of both of you. Orientees are totally capable of saying some terrible, careless remarks to preceptors. These things happen.

As for leaving you alone when charting... that is acceptable. It is your charting. I used to wait with people frequently on average for 2 hours post shift with no overtime pay. Should your preceptor have to do that with back to back orientees? I used to do that and I just can't anymore.

Lastly, I would suggest you refrain from sharing comments with your clinical educator or manager such as, "I know my preceptor is really stressed out," and, " I understand that she is tired of being a preceptor." That is some major shade throwing. Even though your manager or educator might be feeding you this info you don't need to confirm this to them repeatedly. Can you imagine if your preceptor said those things about you to them? As you have stated words can be powerful and hurtful so remember that pertains to you also.

[nursy1, BSN, RN]

Why do nurses eat their young?? Because I wasn't able to get at the staff lunch today until AFTER all my patients were discharged.

The new girl was really tasty with some salt.

Next time try some hot sauce, like wings, dip in ranch!

[nursy1, BSN, RN]

First time post from a nurse with 20 years in the profession. I have oriented over 25 nurses in my time to include 2 new grads in the past year. My advice to you would to manage your expectations and that will decrease your stress. Do not expect your preceptor to handle all situations as you would and cut her some slack. As a preceptor who enjoys teaching, I find it impossible to live up to perfection. The preceptor-orientee relationship is like a long blind date and there will be missteps, awkward conversations, and miscommunication on the behalf of both of you. Orientees are totally capable of saying some terrible, careless remarks to preceptors. These things happen.

As for leaving you alone when charting... that is acceptable. It is your charting. I used to wait with people frequently on average for 2 hours post shift with no overtime pay. Should your preceptor have to do that with back to back orientees? I used to do that and I just can't anymore.

Lastly, I would suggest you refrain from sharing comments with your clinical educator or manager such as, "I know my preceptor is really stressed out," and, " I understand that she is tired of being a preceptor." That is some major shade throwing. Even though your manager or educator might be feeding you this info you don't need to confirm this to them repeatedly. Can you imagine if your preceptor said those things about you to them? As you have stated words can be powerful and hurtful so remember that pertains to you also.

Maybe my terms I used here sounded like shade throwing, I really hope it wasn't received like that, I was trying to express that I see both sides of the situation. I never said she is stressed per se, just that I understand this must be hard for her (my company recently changed the orientation process incorporating classes during the precepting instead of before, and didn't inform the preceptors... this was a huge stressor on her, she expressed to me that she did not like it & I agreed with her it would have been better if during my shift I wasn't pulled away for 2-6 hourse 1-2 times a week, makes it hard on preceptor and me, and makes it hard for me (and my entire group who were hired at the time ) to establish a flow when you are pulled away from the floor for hours and then come back with all your work to still do, that's not the preceptors fault, its just the company trying to figure out a newer better orientation program, the educators received feedback from the group of about 30 nurses and the overall feedback was it wasn't the best way to go about it. They changed the program for the future hires, but we had to stick it out... luckily last week was my last class, so actually this upcoming couple of weeks will be probably the first time I did all 3 shifts without interruption (well class interruption's)

I honestly don't think that I did any harm and hope I didn't shade throw... Its a new process for the company & weve been asked for feedback, I did tell them that if they are going to change the entire process, they should probably include the preceptors so they know what they are dealing with & can plan out their day/week/etc.

[kdoggie]

Going to class during shifts? That is crazy! How stressful.

If there is one constant in the precepting/orienting process I can count on it is CHAOS! There is also ALWAYS promise that it will be changed for the next group. Haha! And that your honest feedback is needed! Again, I would refrain from what you said in your post to the clinical educator as per your statement, "I know my preceptor is really stressed out." I am telling you that is an uncool thing to say. There are alot of negative implications in that statement.

Moving forward you have a fresh start soon! Make sure to have a bright cheerful smile for your original preceptor as it can feel mortifying as a preceptor to be replaced. Heck you might even realize that you might be able to appreciate her given time apart. A nice card and a small gift could go a long way to maintain this relationship. Once you are off orientation it is your peers in the hospital you will need/interact with more than your manager/clinical instructor. Consider that your manager/ clinical instructor see something in your old preceptor they believe to be good so your remain on good terms with her.

Also your preceptor gets an extra $3 an hour to precept? Did I imagine that? I get $1 an hour at a place that pays very well. At the end of a $12 hour shift I think I make about 3 pennies.

Good luck to you! Be well!

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

FarawynRN said:

Yea, I did that paper as well. Meissner. (?)

My problem with these comments is the generalizations most posters make. Not SOME nurses are bullies, but just NETY. That includes me. And while I am snarky and having fun here, I can assure you that I do not do that to new nurses. I have precepted many nurses, still all "work friends" to this day.

If you have a bad unit or a bad preceptor, maybe it's just that. Or maybe you had expectations. I did. Nursing school is nothing like working a floor. In any case, NETY does not mean "some", it means "all", and that's what I take exception to.

I also don't like that NETY is usually the new nurse's FIRST post on AN. Which screams to me just a lack of common sense, or troll/sock puppet to stir the pot. If that's the case, pass me the spoon.

I hear what you are saying. I think its quite clear that not ALL nurses are NETY, or that any complaints of NETY mean ALL nurses are just bwahahahaing, can hardly wait to get hold of fresh meat Of course not.

Even if someone out there claims ALL nurses are NETY they are full of garbage. I only care about what is true. People are going to think whatever reinforces their personal agenda, even if the truth is smacking them upside the head. But not ALL. The few who get their knickers in a twist about ALL nurses being NETY are noise-makers, they are like trolls. It's just so obvious -- like you say yourself -- that this isn't true for ALL nurses, just a few.

The fact that 'lateral violence' is an issue, and has been addressed and studied the way it has, means that it is happening, and however difficult it is to take a long hard look at oneself, we nurses need to do that. We aren't perfect, and taking issues like NETY seriously won't make it a WORSE issue, or give more and more nurses prone to accuse other nurses of it. I can see how a person can come to think this way, though.

Once any 'newish' thing comes into the spotlight, there will be a reaction, and naturally, since nurses are regular people too, there will be those who exploit it.

But I'm telling you . . . at least to me, it is so OBVIOUS when a person is butt-hurt and whining, as opposed to being bullied. It's obvious when they write posts, if you just barely read between the lines!

The same with the nurses with 7 posts and all of them are very inflammatory toward the BON of whatever state. They post wildly accusatory and paranoid OPs (and then abandon them . . . ) over and over again. The same for the relative few arrogant, entitled whiners that cry NETY. It's so easy to tell the difference.

I don't see what the problem is for us as nurses to examine ourselves. If we could be more supportive and patient, why not be?

If you have been told a few times that your personality is abrasive or whatever, why not take a look at that? In my experience, if I get the same feedback more than once, I'm doing something to cause it. Pretty cut and dried. And it's just as obvious, to me, that people who are the loudest and most persistent about complaining about people crying NETY are remembering all those times they have been confronted with being a bully or too harsh.

There really are nurses out there who NEVER have been accused of NETY, or being too harsh or abrasive. There really are nurses who could use some interpersonal skill improvement. NETY is about them, not ALL nurses :) But it's good for all of us to take some responsibility for this issue, rather than blame the victims of it.

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

Someone may have already said this, I haven't read every post on this thread.

As for the aversion to the term 'NETY', and wanting to get rid of it (ie, censor it) won't make NETY go away!

And neither will putting anyone who brings NETY up through a critical examination of why they REALLY aren't experiencing NETY going to make it go away!

It's here! And we nurses are the CAUSE of it. All of us. NETY isn't 'caused' by whiners and poor-babies or people that need to grow up. It's caused by nurses treating each other like crap!

Who on this forum WASN'T a bit on the sensitive side EVERY SINGLE TIME they started work in a new environment? Being new is difficult -- and temporary. Soon, new roles and expectations are established that are realistic for the situation. But at first, it's hard to be new, be it new as a new grad or just new to a different unit. There's nothing wrong with being a bit sensitive. How can people forget that? I'll take a guess -- it is very uncomfortable to remember how it used to feel, we'd rather feel tough and strong and 'grown up', yeah, nobody gets to ME . . . they don't dare mess with me . . .

Blaming the folks that are speaking up about NETY is a ridiculous (and frankly pathetic and transparent) kind of magical thinking. Who around here is so important and perfect that they can't be a little humble now and then? This is a NURSE'S problem. What's the big deal about taking it seriously? We sure want all our other issues to be taken seriously, our staffing issues for one, and get exasperated when NURSES are blamed for having staffing issues "well, if you would just manage your time better" (sayz the Director of Nursing who spent two years on the floor and the next 20 in management rubbing elbows with corporate). We don't like that, do we?

It's no different, what we are doing to new nurses or new-to-our-unit people is the same dang thing we complain is being done to us by management/corporate. I don't understand why that is so hard to see. By criticizing people who claim NETY we are blaming the victim just like WE get blamed for our ***** work conditions, ***** staffing, and so on.

If we can't find compassion for our OWN (instead of practically attacking them for saying NETY), then nursing is going to stay the way it is -- the way we hate and complain about. A bunch of oppressed, chip-on-their-shoulders moaning and complaining but not willing to take a look at how nurses themselves perpetuate this image of us as petty and territorial.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

They don't.

[nursy1, BSN, RN]

Someone may have already said this, I haven't read every post on this thread.

As for the aversion to the term 'NETY', and wanting to get rid of it (ie, censor it) won't make NETY go away!

And neither will putting anyone who brings NETY up through a critical examination of why they REALLY aren't experiencing NETY going to make it go away!

It's here! And we nurses are the CAUSE of it. All of us. NETY isn't 'caused' by whiners and poor-babies or people that need to grow up. It's caused by nurses treating each other like crap!

Who on this forum WASN'T a bit on the sensitive side EVERY SINGLE TIME they started work in a new environment? Being new is difficult -- and temporary. Soon, new roles and expectations are established that are realistic for the situation. But at first, it's hard to be new, be it new as a new grad or just new to a different unit. There's nothing wrong with being a bit sensitive. How can people forget that? I'll take a guess -- it is very uncomfortable to remember how it used to feel, we'd rather feel tough and strong and 'grown up', yeah, nobody gets to ME . . . they don't dare mess with me . . .

Blaming the folks that are speaking up about NETY is a ridiculous (and frankly pathetic and transparent) kind of magical thinking. Who around here is so important and perfect that they can't be a little humble now and then? This is a NURSE'S problem. What's the big deal about taking it seriously? We sure want all our other issues to be taken seriously, our staffing issues for one, and get exasperated when NURSES are blamed for having staffing issues "well, if you would just manage your time better" (sayz the Director of Nursing who spent two years on the floor and the next 20 in management rubbing elbows with corporate). We don't like that, do we?

It's no different, what we are doing to new nurses or new-to-our-unit people is the same dang thing we complain is being done to us by management/corporate. I don't understand why that is so hard to see. By criticizing people who claim NETY we are blaming the victim just like WE get blamed for our ***** work conditions, ***** staffing, and so on.

If we can't find compassion for our OWN (instead of practically attacking them for saying NETY), then nursing is going to stay the way it is -- the way we hate and complain about. A bunch of oppressed, chip-on-their-shoulders moaning and complaining but not willing to take a look at how nurses themselves perpetuate this image of us as petty and territorial.

Thank you! Sincerely! I appreciate your comment from the bottom of my heart! I understand now that the term is offensive, but being attacked by some (not all) for using it was kind of shocking to me. But people are free to their opinion. And it gives me an opportunity to learn & grow, and get some criticism that I can process without being at work in front of people. As a nurse, gotta grow a thicker skin, so this just helped it get a little thicker.

Have a great day!

[nursy1, BSN, RN]

Going to class during shifts? That is crazy! How stressful.

If there is one constant in the precepting/orienting process I can count on it is CHAOS! There is also ALWAYS promise that it will be changed for the next group. Haha! And that your honest feedback is needed! Again, I would refrain from what you said in your post to the clinical educator as per your statement, "I know my preceptor is really stressed out." I am telling you that is an uncool thing to say. There are alot of negative implications in that statement.

Moving forward you have a fresh start soon! Make sure to have a bright cheerful smile for your original preceptor as it can feel mortifying as a preceptor to be replaced. Heck you might even realize that you might be able to appreciate her given time apart. A nice card and a small gift could go a long way to maintain this relationship. Once you are off orientation it is your peers in the hospital you will need/interact with more than your manager/clinical instructor. Consider that your manager/ clinical instructor see something in your old preceptor they believe to be good so your remain on good terms with her.

Also your preceptor gets an extra $3 an hour to precept? Did I imagine that? I get $1 an hour at a place that pays very well. At the end of a $12 hour shift I think I make about 3 pennies.

Good luck to you! Be well!

Thank you for the feedback and advice. I actually already planned on getting a gift for her, she spent a lot of time working with me and I want to show my appreciation. We don't necessarily have a bad relationship at all. I have been looking forward to being a co-worker vs. orientee so I can just move forward & develop a working relationship. When she made the comment to me I was taken aback (less now after processing it) but we then proceeded to walk to the parking garage toghether chatting about our day and some of the crazy things that happened that day. She also told me that I could always come to her if I needed anything, which I smiled and replied that I would hold her to that (being funny and true- she understood what I meant).

I am also aware that I would be stressed through this process no matter who my preceptor was, its just a stressful time, and the next few months will continue to be. Hopefully, I will continue to grow and learn and things will get a little less stressful over time.

Thanks again for your feedback & advice!

[Farawyn]

Thank you! Sincerely! I appreciate your comment from the bottom of my heart! I understand now that the term is offensive, but being attacked by some (not all) for using it was kind of shocking to me. But people are free to their opinion. And it gives me an opportunity to learn & grow, and get some criticism that I can process without being at work in front of people. As a nurse, gotta grow a thicker skin, so this just helped it get a little thicker.

Have a great day!

Much thicker. Again, you were not attacked. A few people took exception to your use of NETY, mostly in a pretty harmless way.

I appreciate the backpedaling on NETY, but stop already and move on. You said it. It's okay. It's over. Now listen to the good advice some of the nurses have posted in this thread. Good luck!