Jump to content

What is WRONG with this??


Specializes in LTC.

I am just wondering...do any of you consider yourself a nurse when you are NOT at work???? I mean, I know we are regardless...but I really dont think of myself as a nurse when Im at home or what not. At work, I am the nurse....I work hard, I care for my residents, I deal with staff and families and the trauma that comes with that territory but Im actually pretty decent at it. Some of my residents tell me they love me and I tell them that I love them too...some hug me and I hug back. I have been the shoulder for a few when they lost their husbands or children to cry on without a blink of an eye. Same goes for my coworkers. But...at home Im not like this. I show affection to my 2 yr old son but I dont go out of my way for others when Im here. For example..this is going to sound awful. My mother in law just broke her ankle at work..2 days ago and I still havent been up to see her yet...but I have worked all week and Im tired. On top of that I dont feel the greatest today. I never make any special trips to my in laws. I will eventually get around to it...but in the meantime my sister in law is a nurse and she usually takes care of this sort of thing within the "family". Ive always stayed out if I could. When my husband pulled a muscle in his back I did wait on him like I do my residents at work but thats been a while. My other sister in law is well..shes got a huge 20 yr hx of drug addiction so I dont like being around her if I can avoid it. She seems to be doing better now but I just cant bring myself to visit her and she lives w/ my in laws. When my neices had their babies...I didnt go to the hospital. I hate hospitals. I didnt even want to be there when my own son was born. And the weird thing is...I didnt even want visitors when I had him. At home, I dont like to be bothered with anything. My aunt is at home dying of cancer of the pancreas, liver and colon and I cannot bring myself to go see her and she only has about 2 wks according to my mom. We arent close anyways...but....still...What is this?????? How can one be soooo different in 2 different settings involving the same basic theme???? Ive always been this way though. I find it easier to show affection to a 90 yr old with a UTI than I do "regular" people. To see me or know me outside of my job you would never ever guess in a million years that I am a nurse. Why dont I feel like one when Im home? Ive been a nurse for 3 yrs and in LTC for 9 1/2 yrs total. Has anyone else experienced this or am I just a weirdo????? Another PRIME example, a few yrs ago we were at the beach and a woman got stung by a jellyfish, she was in alot of pain,crying, etc...and I couldnt muster up the guts to go help her. I did call 911 but I didnt even stop. I just walked by. I knew what it was as soon as I saw her legs. I didnt stop for fear of getting sued even though there is that good samaritan law and all....I just couldnt do it. Is this normal for some people? Is it a nursing curse? Or is it just who some of us are???

canoehead, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 30 years experience.

My guess is you give it all at work and need to recharge when you're home. It's not a sin, or a shortcoming- you just need to set your priorities. I do volunteer work at the SPCA on my offtime, and I'll do most ANYTHING except I don't deal with the public on my off hours. I get enough of that at work.

Yes, I also agree that I get enough of the nurse-public/client relationship at work. To have to deal with that on my offtime, is too much of a headache. I have started to tell family members to get their medical advice elsewhere. They have never taken anything I've told them seriously in the past anyway.

canoehead, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 30 years experience.

They have never taken anything I've told them seriously in the past anyway.


That's funny as hell, and so true.


That's funny as hell, and so true.

Family members are often like this. They engage you with questions about their medical care, then criticize your answers to anyone who will listen. Best to leave them to their own devices.


Specializes in LTC.

LOL..very true. That has been a huge thing w/ my addicted in law. She is a good example of why Ill never work in psych or with drug addiction as far as a career. Ive watched her deplete my inlaws retirement funds to virtually NOTHING and be as selfish as one could possibly be. Drugs come first...but they have always enabled her to do them...even bought her meds for her at multiple pharmacies....For over 2 yrs I had to listen to them ask about what to do what to do.....til I finally just gave up and quit wasting my time. Id had enough and I just came out and said...just keep feeding her the xanax. lorcets, ativans, phenergan and stadol til you just come home and find her dead from OD....thats whats gonna happen eventually. They have since avoided this topic with me as much as possible because unlike my husband and them....I cant tolerate her. I choose not to. Shes told me so many lies about why she "needs" her pills.....bunch of BS. The inlaws always said. "well...shes our only daughter...".....umm...yea but shes also 43, able to work and able to get help at her choosing while the rest of us have to pay for it with our taxes....geez. Can you feel the love there between us? :) I have found that pretending to be dumb helps when ppl ask for advice......has worked for me several times. And I think you are right..about recharging while at home. Im always so exhausted between work home and a toddler. I dont know how I can manage to get so much done at work and so little done at home. Taking the trash off is a huge challenge for me lol. Laundry is worse!

The trash piles up and so does the laundry! I deal with it when I get good and ready.


Has 8 years experience.

OMG!!! your post was too funny and so true at the same time...lately i have just wanted to stay at home....and not have to "dea;" with stuff... like my inlaws....my mother in law has been failing for the past few yrs and i know it is dementia..but her sons(not my husband) will not admit to it....my father in law is just now starting to see it....they are both 83.....i havent stopped by there house in weeks....but i go to my parents....

i also hear ya about someone getting hurt......someone once fell and this person did have her husband and kids around her at the time but my husband said you should go help.....tell them you are a nurse....i said i will watch and observe...if things get worse i will...thank god they didnt...cuase i really didnt want to help....is that bad or what??

my son is sick today....he was last week too...got better for a few days and now sick again....i deal with it....give him his meds...make up his room with his tv and side table with a drink...wait on him,check him,sit with him....but it is more of a mom thing not nurse.....

so i hear ya.....i loved your post

OMG! This is ME! I am ALWAYS ready to help my pts and coworkers, WHILE I'm at work! Once I get home, I don't want to talk on the phone evn. I check in with my kids, quickly find out if everyone's OK, make dinner and either go knit and watch TV or iron, do laundry, when I do laundry I get "lost" and just don't think at all! My husband gets annoyed with me, I just don't feel like talking. I DO help take care of my mother in law though. She is a nervous nellie and is always asking " can I take a tylenol"? But she's a grand lady and loves me.

I was on vacation one time, this man fell and had a seizure, I thought" oh crap", when a young nurse went running up to help him. I said " great", cops and paramedics came and I walked away!

Selene006, BSN, LPN

Has 10 years experience.

I read your post and felt instantly relieved!! I'm an LPN and currently a junior pursuing my BSN and when people ask me what I do for a living, I just say that I'm a student. It's hard for me to say that I'm a nurse--I don't want to be questioned or look at the weird growth that someone may suddenly want to show me! One time I even said that I was a CNA. It felt good not to acknowledge that I'm a Charge Nurse in charge of 30 sub/acute patients...I always want to leave work at work.


Specializes in LTC, Neurology, Rehab, Pain Management,.

What you are experiencing is very normal. Care-giver burn out! I take care of work and everyone at home and end up depleted, with nothing left for myself. I get very resentful. I hate drama. At work, I feel I have a job to do and I want to do it and go home without drama amongst my co-workers. Out of work situations, I don't always volunteer to help others in need. I remember at Disney World at MGM a few years ago we were at a show and an obese person was on one of those electric scooters. Well, the thing tipped over for all to see and my husband is telling me to go down there and help. I said, "I'm on vacation!" People did help sooner than I could get down from the spectators seating area, it's just that everyone expects a nurse to help 24/7! I will always hold the door out in public for an elderly person or someone with a young baby/child in a stroller. I feel I can do what I'm able, but yet give myself to be human and set limits to save my sanity. I'm one person and can only do so much to make the world a better place.


Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty. Has 33 years experience.

Normally I am quite introverted, our family isn't very demonstrative. At work I have a totally different "game face". It does not come naturally, but it is sincere, if that makes sense. Just heighten different parts of my personality, go home, and go into a zombie-like trance :chuckle Ha! (kid-ding!)

Don't feel too bad about the jellyfish lady. I watched Ocean Patrol or whatever it is on TV, they just spray the victims legs with salt water! Apparently there is a placebo effect.

al7139, ASN, RN

Specializes in Emergency. Has 5 years experience.


I am totally the same way. When I am at work the patients/family gets my all, but when I'm at home, my reply is "Call your Doctor, I'm just a nurse."

I even say this to my husband when he is sick.

My home time is for me, not every relative who has an ailment.


NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN

Specializes in LTC. Has 6 years experience.

I love being a nurse and I wish I could turn off my nurse role when I'm not at work but I can't. According to my hubby I even tAlk nursing in my sleep. I know I know I have serious issues.

Up2nogood RN, RN

Specializes in pulm/cardiology pcu, surgical onc.

I was just browsing on the general page when this jumped out at me! I won't even go out with the girls from work for a drink, I like them and all but I DON'T want to talk about work on my time off!

My neighbor was having a psychotic episode outside and another neighbor commented that 'I should go over and help because I'm a nurse'. Um nope sorry not trained in psych, thank you very much but she has a husband holding her down.

I love my job but when it comes to my time off I totally shut it off, except when I come here of course. And I don't give advice to the in laws because they don't listen anyway so why waste my breath?


Has 8 years experience.

al7139,,,,hehehe about your husband...i do that to mine too.......ah come on flo he says,take care of me.....

one day he called and asked me to come to the hunting camp as a hunter broke up a fight between 2 dogs and he was bitten.....nope.....told him to take him to the er if it is bad..otherwise just clean it good.....:twocents::twocents:

I definitely agree with you. Don't we give 125% at work? Just sometimes it would be nice if WE got one of those nice back rubs we give to our patients at work.


Specializes in LTC, Neurology, Rehab, Pain Management,.

Who has time for back rubs? That is a thing of the past, a V E R Y long time ago! With so many demands by patients, I only rub backs for those who request it. I don't do that for all of them that's for sure, especially the mean patients!