What if you don't want to be an RN anymore?

MarieYee · Oct 11, 2011

Is there counseling avaliable at your job? The first step is dealing with the Depression. I hope things get better for you.

caliotter3 · Oct 11, 2011

You say you've worked in hh. There are jobs at the office doing QA. An office job might be better while you work on the depression. Another hug.

BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN · Oct 11, 2011

I hope you will forgive me for answering not your question, but making a statement, besides, I'm still young and probably should keep a closed mouth as far as advice goes! I just want to say:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!!

WOW! 20 Years of helping people, helping new nurses, helping any nurse, abuse, back injuries, muscle spasms, and war fatigue in the trenches of human care, you are a HERO in my book, ONE OF OUR GREAT LEADERS!!!

I APPRECIATE YOUR TIME!!! I APPRECIATE EVERYTIME YOU WERE BUSY AND SNOWED UNDER, BUT STOPPED TO TEACH A NEW STAFF MEMBER, TAKE AN ORDER OR A LINE OF ASSAULTS FROM DOCs, FAMILY MEMBERS, AND EVEN YOUR PATIENTS!!!

I THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF STRANGERS SO INTENSE THAT YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T GOT TO GIVE YOURSELF THE ATTENTION, REST, AND CARE THAT YOU NEED!!!!

I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR WAY OUT THIS RUT SOON, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE UNDER THE CLOUD OF DEPRESSION, (THOUGH I CAN CERTIANLY UNDERSTAND WHY)!!!!!!, BUT I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR WAY TO FULFILLMENT AND JOY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOU TELL SOMEONE, PARTICULARLY A LOVED ONE HOW YOU FEEL, SOMETIMES THEY KNOW US BETTER THAN WE KNOW OURSELVES!!!

MY ONLY ADVICE, I HOPE TODAY YOU WILL LOOK IN A MIRROR, AND TELL THAT PERSON (EVEN IF YOU JUST THINK IT) "WOW, . . . YOU SURE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MASSIVE THINGS!!!!! I AM GOING TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOU FROM NOW ON, GOING TO HAVE MORE FUN WITH YOU, WE ARE GOING TO TRY NEW THINGS, STOP AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN, AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!!!!!!

ONCE AGAIN THANK-YOU FOR EVERY MOMENT OF IT,

JUST REMEMBER, EVERYDAY WE GET UP AND PUT ON CLOTHES AND LEAVE OUR HOME, THATS JUST ONE MORE BATTLE THE DEPRESSION HAS LOST, AND YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, YOU ARE DAMN WELL WORTH IT!!!!!!

TAKE CARE!:redbeathe

Rodoon, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 11, 2011

Everybody goes through the "I want out of here" feeling; it's the depression you relate that puts the spin on things. IMO, depression puts a mask on your face. I can go to the grocery store and go yep him oh yes her too. If that's you, get treatment. Fellow employees pick up on "the look" too and who needs that?

Do you take vacations or pretend your weekends off are mini vacs?

Do you have hobbies or pretend your kids are your hobby?

Is it the job or is it debt?

Consider public health or a doctor's office but realize when 5o-somethings leave hospitals it's hard to get back. Way better to leave on your own terms, so please get the depression treated ASAP.

mustlovepoodles, RN · Oct 11, 2011

OP, I experienced similar feelings about 3 year. s ago. At the time I didn't recognize that depression was a big factor, at least not until I tried to hurt myself and ended up in the hospital. It took about a year for me to figure out who I wanted to be in the second half of my life. In the end, I decided to take a part-time job working as a school nurse.

Well, I've been at it for 3 years and I still love it. This year I branched out. I wanted to make a little extra money but i didn't want to commit to more nursing hours. So I found a little part time job working for a shipping company. I dont' make much, but it's enough and I really love it. No caregiving! No blood! No night shift, no doctors, no visitors! It's been quite the learning curve--apparently there is a lot more to shipping stuff than I ever realized. :coollook: But I've really enjoyed learning something entirely new and every day i go to work I can safely say, "If I ship something wrong, at least nobody dies."

Best of luck to you. I know you said meds don't work for you. They didn't work for me either until I finally took myself to a psychiatrist. All those years I let my family doc prescribe for me. :uhoh3: Wasted. Getting the *right* diagnosis led to taking the right cocktail of meds and now I don't suffer so much anymore. I dont' know if you've tried a specialist in psychiatry, but it might be helpful to you.

Merced · Oct 12, 2011

The main thing I want to say to you: :hug:

About 10 years ago, I was so depressed & burnt out, that I almost didn't renew my RN license, seeing it as a seductive way to make $$ that was killing me.

I am now glad that I went ahead & renewed it. For about 10 years, I worked other jobs (like the person doing shipping now), & I realized how happy I can be when I just have a job, & I am not "a nurse". I was so devoted that I walked 6 miles to work, when my car broke down. That "break" helped me to see & value the kind of person I am - hard-working, independent, strong - but not able to put up with being abused for years on end.

I think that we nurses are worker bees, & there are people (who go into hospital management) who take advantage of that. We don't think that way, & tend to blame ourselves for all problems on the job, being "hyper-responsible" - that is is I who should be stronger, tougher, etc.

I really enjoyed my "lay" jobs working in "happy places" like tourism, local newspaper, etc. I was amazed at just how stress-free regular jobs are !!!!

After awhile, maybe after I had time to heal, I saw a part-time job teaching Nurse Assistants, & of course it paid near double my "lay" jobs, so that's what I do now. I am now a strong advocate for nurses, & would love to go into nurse counseling, or legislating to make caregiving safer & more viable as a way to make a living which can support a family.

BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2011

OP, I experienced similar feelings about 3 year. s ago. At the time I didn't recognize that depression was a big factor, at least not until I tried to hurt myself and ended up in the hospital. It took about a year for me to figure out who I wanted to be in the second half of my life. In the end, I decided to take a part-time job working as a school nurse.
Well, I've been at it for 3 years and I still love it. This year I branched out. I wanted to make a little extra money but i didn't want to commit to more nursing hours. So I found a little part time job working for a shipping company. I dont' make much, but it's enough and I really love it. No caregiving! No blood! No night shift, no doctors, no visitors! It's been quite the learning curve--apparently there is a lot more to shipping stuff than I ever realized. But I've really enjoyed learning something entirely new and every day i go to work I can safely say, "If I ship something wrong, at least nobody dies."
Best of luck to you. I know you said meds don't work for you. They didn't work for me either until I finally took myself to a psychiatrist. All those years I let my family doc prescribe for me. Wasted. Getting the *right* diagnosis led to taking the right cocktail of meds and now I don't suffer so much anymore. I dont' know if you've tried a specialist in psychiatry, but it might be helpful to you.[/quote
That is SOOOOOOOOO true, I hate to see a suffering caregiver, yet we are so resistant to seeking care most of the time! Work in non-nursing jobs is sooooooooo therapeutic it amazed me.? A god send : ). I hope you are nearing the light at the end of the tunnel because you are reaching out.
It is amazing how depression and anxiety are so hard to distinguish between. You are in my every prayer!

inthesouthrn · Oct 12, 2011

Thank you all so much for your replies. They did help. I have sought help for my depression for the last almost 3 years and I've been to psychiatrists, tried many meds, and had counseling and nothing really helps for long. Have a lower stressed home health job now and I don't even feel adequate for that. I've run out of places to seek help. Thank you all.