What To Do When Dating A Co-Worker

[bobber]

Long story short, I sort of had a date with one of the surgical residents where I work. She is a bit younger than me and things progressed at speed of light pace. Little regret at get so intimate so soon, but now I do not know what to do.

I like her a lot and she is so beautiful, but I don't want to let my personal life spill over into my work life. I know - a little late now to care about that, but I don't want her attending to know about the budding romance and do not want my co-workers to give me $hi$ over it.

How can I tell her to pump the brakes and not be all clingy at work. I have to work with these people and I do value their respect. I still like her, but not so touchy feely at work. Is there hope?

[gonzo1, ASN, RN]

This is an important issue and you must discuss it with her. There should be absolutely no intimacy or personal stuff between the 2 of you at work. It does not belong there and will only cause trouble.

We had 2 nurses that were dating for over 2 years before anyone even knew they had a relationship. They are married now for 5 years and still work together. Absolutely nothing but straight up professionalism from the 2 of them at work.

If she can't make that happen then you might want to consider finding a partner with greater maturity.

[anonymurse]

You got involved at work. You expected--what?

[Doza]

oooohh... you got the clingy type :rolleyes:hahahaha

ok, so you like her enough to keep it going. the only way is to tell her to seriously not be that way at work and that you'll just make up for it after work.

and if eventually this doesn't work it, my friendly advice would be to refrain from any at work romance :)

[lsvalliant]

The problem with dating at work isn't the actual dating, its the breakup. If it gets ugly, she will air all your dirty laundy or just make up some. Do you really want your co-workers to know what size member you have or worse? Get out (gently) if you still can. At least a resident should be rotating.

[Doza]

The problem with dating at work isn't the actual dating, its the breakup.

yup, so true, esp the clingy ones

[P-medic2RN]

Never date co-workers. Nothing good ever, ever , ever comes of it.

[KimberlyRN89, BSN, RN]

Never date co-workers. Nothing good ever, ever , ever comes of it.

I totally agree.A guy in environmental services asked me for my # and I told him no. He bad mouthed me to others saying that I'm stuck up. Not @ all. I just like to keep my work life & personal life seperate. What's wrong with that?

Anyways to the OP, I would just gently tell your friend (Idk if you refer to her as your "girlfriend" yet) that you like her & want to get to know her better, but @ work to keep it strictly professional. There's nothing wrong wituh friendly joking around & talking while working..but that's as far as it should go.

Hope things work out for you two :)

[Jules A, MSN]

Yeah, don't do it. If you meet someone that you think is the love of your life I'd seriously consider whether it is so important that one of you should find another job. Seems like a decent litmus test to me. At my job no matter how low key it always gets out, the gossip swirls and it really looks unprofessional.

[lsvalliant]

I totally agree.A guy in environmental services asked me for my # and I told him no.

The guys from ES will ask anyone for their number. It's a good thing you didn't go there.

OP, you should distance yourself and pursue it after she's outa there. Just be up front about it with her. And learn from other people's mistakes. I'm sure there are some really bad ones out there.

[mediatix8]

OK buddy. You just tell her that "someone was saying something" or whatever and that's the reason "we" (not just she) should try to not be too touchy/feely or whatever. See... not your fault. And not her fault. It'll go down better this way. You're going to make it sound as if YOU'RE fine with it, but see your boss or some co-worker made some negative comment or something.

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

You can also try the "I'm thinking about your future" kind of thing, spin it that you want her to be held in high regard for complete professionalism.

I'm not going to get on the "don't fish in the company pond" bandwagon; I did it once (and I'll NEVER do it again, that break up stuff is nasty at work, you get his friends vs. your friends and the "his fault/her fault" can completely tear up the work dynamic of a group). You know your own mind on this one at this point.

What I would suggest, gently, as someone who's on the high side of 40, don't date people much younger than yourself. You can occasionally find someone who's truly mature for their age, but that's very, very rare. You get clingy, you get jealousy, you get immature behaviors (eventually) that may have been cute initially but then they just get irritating. Eventually, you want someone your age, and they want someone their age. That's just advice from someone who went down that particular path, and found it to be a rocky, rocky road.